The Airing of Grievances

So Nobody Wants a Million Dollars?

I ask this because my wife is going to see some medium tonight which she often does. I love her to death but the woman just revels in her gullibility. Anyway...I'm guessing this doesn't need to be reiterated with the audience here at the Grieve but just so we're clear: psychics, mediums, faith-healers, mind-readers...it's all complete bullshit. They are not only charlatans but in most cases morally corrupt charlatans that lie to people who are at weak points in their lives. I mean seriously...if someone could really talk to the dead, couldn't they get some information more valuable than "He loves you and misses you" or "He's sorry he never got to say good bye." Like, what is that? That could apply to not anyone but just about everyone! How about asking them what's on the other side? Is there a God? What does he expect from us? Nope. We know how it's done...we know how cold-reading works...we could train an idiot to do it. Now, I'm guessing that this whole community would consider me an asshole for stating this and perhaps rightfully so but if you really wanted to shut people up, why not prove it under reasonal experimental conditions?

So This Seems A Bit Extreme, No?

I have to admit...I had no idea what the hell SOPA and PIPA (Stop On-line Privacy Act & Pro-IP Act) were until this morning when I noticed a bunch of websites are shutting themselves down in protest. So I suppose that the intentions here are good ones as we are well aware that creators of all types of media frequently have their content viewed for free when it was not their intention. I may have even benefitted from this practice before. Hell...there are probably 50 youtube videos on this site alone that this applies to.

Of course the other side of this argument is that these people wouldn't be paying for this shit anyway and in many cases just the exposure will get you some good word of mouth and open up opportunities to make money where they previously wouldn't exist. Anyway, this has been an ongoing fight since the days of Napster and it certainly doesn't appear as if though online piracy is going anywhere. It's okay though, because apparently the government is going to fix it.

I'll do a far shittier job of explaining this than this video that I stole from Vimeo but on the surface; this a little scary...

 

Infantilism, Anyone?

This can firmly be placed in the category of low-hanging fruit so I'll let you assholes make fun of Stanley here. I mean, I'm all for rejecting Taboo but REALLY??? FUCKING REALLY??? THIS IS A GOD DAMNED THING, STANLEY!!!

I once saw some pornography where some old hairy dudes were dressed like babies with pacifiers and everything in an oversized crib and proceeded to double-team the babysitter and I failed miserably to see how anyone could possibly be turned on by such a thing. With that being said, I understand, people have some weird-ass fantasies out there. Stanley here doesn't only cross that fantasy line...he flat out ignores it. The only time he's not a baby is when he goes to Home Depot to buy wood to make more baby shit?

If only there were some type of loophole in the justice system where we could proactively lock people up who haven't technically broken a crime...yet.

Few Things

Been home sick all week but not the type of sick where you just don't want to get other people sick so you can stay home and be productive...the one where you just want to sleep or die. Pneumonia...not fun.

1. This Cartoon: Look, I get it...it's some type of wise-ass conservative guilt and I know it seems that I'm on a soldier kick but it's just a coincidence, really. My issue with this is that it just makes no sense whatsoever and the people that condone it are probably all like "WOO-HOO...BURN", but essentially it's retarded. I guess we're to assume that Kevin is some sort of atheist or rebel or some shit and feels the need to exercise his right not to stand for the P of A. So the teacher, while she can't do anything about it because it's a constitutional fucking right, decides to embarrass him in front of the whole class by bringing in this soldier. Now, if the soldier can't stand because he was fighting for the kid's right not to stand for the Pledge, why the fuck would he want the kid to stand for the Pledge? If you're fighting for the kid's constitutional freedom, why the hell would you then want him to abandon his principles and forfeit them? That would mean that the soldier was fighting for nothing! Wouldn't that be even more insulting to the soldier?

2. Randy Moss: Has there ever been a greater player in NFL history that teams wanted desperately to get rid of? So, if you're the Patriots, you're either brilliant or idiots depending on who you listen to but after the way dumping Seymour last year worked out you get the sense that a lot of folks around here are getting sick of this shit (collecting draft picks and whatnot). Interested to hear our resident Pats fan's take.

3. Firemen let house burn to ground: Well there's this place in Tennessee where you have to pay $75 on top of taxes to get fire department services. This house didn't pay and so they let it burn down along with all the pets. I'm not sure how I feel about that. On the surface it seems a little sadistic but then if you put it out and just let the people pay the fee proactively, why would anybody ever pay the fee? Then how far are they taking this principle? What if there were kids in there? Do you abandon it then? (Of course you do). I guess the main issue I have is that as awesome as firemen are, the majority of time that they're getting paid is to just sit around. I don't think I'd be able to let someone's house burn down and kid's pets die. You?

4. The lady who duct-taped her kid to a wall: Yup...she's got him back in custody. Awesome. By the way, how old were you when you realized it wasn't "duck tape?"

Real Quick Grievance

You know this sentiment that the demand for the type of news we receive is appalling because there are people dying in war and thus we shouldn't know that Lindsey Lohan is going to jail again or Paris Hilton stuffs her vadge with 8-balls when she flies? I hate that shit. I don't need to feel guilty for not knowing the names of every soldier that dies in war. Why can't I just support the troops as a whole and be aware of the fact that because we chose to engage in two violent wars at the same time that a lot of soldiers are going to die? Why can't I just thank a soldier for his support when I meet them and feel a general type of empathy over the fact that some of them are coming home in body bags? That's an awful thing to have to deal with for a family and I can't even imagine the pain. Is it really news though? We're in two fucking wars! We knew the risks of wars, right? We weren't gonna go out to Afghanistan and start having bocce tournaments with the Taliban until they promised to stop terrorizing us. So forgive me for not knowing the names of every soldier that loses his life at war but isn't the real news at this point when soldiers stop losing their lives in war?

Also, I know we're not updating the Grieve much around here but it is football season and I love football and probably have some opinions on your teams which I plan to post within the next week. In the meantime, check out the official strong safety of the AofG being awesome at football...

I Need To Vent

Cluttered in with all of the other retarded shit on my Facebook, I keep seeing this stupid fucking meme pop up, and it makes me want to physically beat someone. Trying to respond to this with anything remotely cerebral would just confuse and probably anger any of the sheep that post it, so I'm airing it as a grievance, baby! Here it is...

Lets see who is paying attention. Every single one of you are on my friend's list, as a result of a conscious decision, I wanted you there!! I am not only glad to count you as friends, but as family. Let's see who on my friends list actually pays attention. Copy and paste this as your ...status. I'll be...watching to see ...who really... is.... I cherish family & friendships.

So what exactly is the message here? The lunatic that came up with was sitting around one day thinking that she (sorry ladies...I have to make that assumption) values family and friendships. That's cool, I guess. Because she's one of the saddest people on the planet though, she needs to sell herself to her friends and use this as some sort of shameless self-promotion...as if it's a god-damned aberration or something. But wait, there's more! Let's get all fucking power trippy now! It's not enough to me that you know that I'm a person that values family and friendships...I'm gonna need you to validate our friendship by showing me that you read my facebook posts and copying and pasting it as your status. Yup...this high and mighty witch who values family and friendships so much is so hypocritical that her first action to demonstrate that to you is placing a condition on your friendship as she sits back and watches who her true friends are by whatever assholes copy and paste this garbage. What the fuck is the message? I'm the most insecure person in the world...that's the fucking message!

Then, it's even more insane when you factor in that thousands of people are reading this over and over and thinking, oh I better copy and paste this because they're WATCHING me now! I don't want this person to think I'm not paying attention so instead I'll throw every last ounce of dignity I have out the window so I can be a sheep to this insecure asshole!

Trust me on this...if this has ever popped up on your Facebook and you responded by saying..."Oh that's nice, let me copy and paste it to my status to validate our friendship"...go see a therapist now. Don't walk...run!

Oh Jadm...You're So Screwed

I was gonna post something about that oil spill disaster in the Gulf of Mexico and then make fun of BFF but fortunately, I then came across this. Let’s break it down…

Got milk?

No but it looks like I got myself into a story that the Boston herald is actually trying to pass off as news.

South Boston toddler Jadm Moschella apparently thought he’d hit the motherload Saturday night when, while out to dinner with his parents and stepsister, he reached for a glass and began drinking - a white Russian intended for his dad!

Ha! Nice. Jadm’s parents must have gotten a nice laugh out of that one.

“It’s white and he thought it was milk. He took one sip and started gagging,” said 2-year-old Jadm’s outraged mother, Jessica Smith, 22, who immediately called police from her table at the Rainbow Dragon restaurant on West Broadway.

Wait…what? Five-O? You called the cops because you let your kid take a sip of his dad’s femmy drink while you weren’t paying attention to him. Really?

“I was so scared,” she told the Herald. “I grabbed it out of his hand. Jeez. Try to get dinner and it’s a crime scene.”

Right. It’s just like when you’re out to dinner with your family enjoying a nice meal and the couple three tables over get into an argument and she pulls a pistol out of her purse and shoots him in the head. Seriously, this chick better be smoking hot and crazy in bed. I’m still not sure it’d be worth it.

A Few Things...

Edit to photo because the last one was making Klompus uncomfortable.

We get Nicole Eggert today because something needed to be done to ease the burden of having to see that Scott Brown layout every time you come over here. She was also on a TV show with Scott Baio who we'll get to in just a second. Also, 16 year old Vandelay was madly in love with her, so there's that.

Chachi - A fascinating development has taken place over on Scott Baio's Twitter page. Apparently, he likes to use the forum to carry out his conservative agenda which is fine. Then he decided to post an "unflattering" picture of Michelle Obama which spawned a bunch of people to call him racist and there may have even been a death threat or two. Good times. This in turn led to pretty much a complete meltdown of Scott Baio defending himself. I realize that nobody cares about this but there was this one tweet that cracked me up...

-I'm NOT racist for posting a pic of M.O. My WIFE'S BEST FRD IS BLACK,HELLO

So this is good news for all you racists out there. Now you don't even need your own black friend to cover up your racism...all you have to do is marry someone with a black friend! Awesome.

Speaking of Racism - This is probably news that's surprising to absolutely nobody but a man named Moose has decided that we need a whites only basketball league and get this...it'll be in 12 cities in the south! Money quote...

"I don't hate anyone of color," he told the Augusta Chronicle. "But people of white, American-born citizens are in the minority now. Here's a league for white players to play fundamental basketball, which they like."

You want fundamental basketball yet you exclude Timmy Duncan? I call foul.

Deferring To You Cats - Can somebody who hasn't worked in like 5 years but managed to eat, drink, golf, and basically do whatever they wanted because of TDI, unemployment, and welfare really celebrate what happened in Mass a couple days ago because it will finally put a stop to socialism? I mean, is there any justifiable scenario by which that should occur?

Quarterback Driven League - Here's an interesting comparison of two quarterbacks' rookie seasons. One of them is going to the AFCC on Sunday. The other didn't do quite as well...

JaMarcus Russell, 2008-09 (15 Games): 198-for-368, 2,423 yards, 13 TDs
Mark Sanchez, 2009-10 (15 Games): 196-for-364, 2,444 yards, 12 TDs

Not much a difference as you see but if you must know...the guy going to the AFCC threw 12 more picks.

One Quick Grievance - Okay, I realize that it's very hard for true altruism to exist as any kind, selfless act generally will lead to one feeling better about themselves and then it will cease to be selfless. However...can people cool it with telling me that they donated or intend to donate money to Haiti? Look...everyone feels terrible and every one except maybe Scott Baio wants to help but over the past week I can't help but get this feeling that there are tons of people out there who have no interest in donating because they want to help. They want to donate because they want people to tell them what a good person they are for wanting to help and it disgusts me. So...sterben to those people.

After the jump, there may or may not be video of me rapping. Could go either way, really.

Swampicide

For those of you not in the know, the Swamp is an internet message board that's attached to a sports blog called The Sportsfrog, and it's tied in rather closely with this here blog. Myself, Chiles, and Newman have been there for years as well as founding father Frank and Cozmo. A few others may have had brief stints contributing here as well including Scottie, who actually made one post here under the name Jean-Claude Jean-Claude (something about boobies I believe). He's an interesting cat...enigmatic, brilliant, hilarious, maniacal, narcissistic, volatile...I could go on and on. He also loved the Swamp just as much as anyone.

Now as far as message boards go, the Swamp always had a different feel to it. Most of the posters are erudite and even the retarded ones pale in comparison to other message board retards (Schmoopie cringes). They pride themselves on that almost to the point of arrogance. The words "we don't appreciate your kind around here" were actually once typed to a new poster. I often take issue with that superiority complex but it's mostly an unspoken thing and fairly contained. It's a really cool message board and I've met a lot of really cool people from it and I'll leave it at that.

Anyway, here's your cliff's notes version of what happened to the Swamp. Scottie gets in a big argument with others over that dude Legarrette Blount and this scene. He decides he needs a break and disappears for a few months. Someone writes a post on the front page of the blog about how TMZ is changing the face of sports coverage because they scooped everyone on the Tiger story. Scottie adds a sarcastic blurb in parentheses to the post making the original poster look stupid. Dude starts a thread in the Swamp noting how pissed he is. It turns into 15 pages in a day with about 80% of the people ripping Scottie and the other 20% not really thinking it's a big deal or just not caring.

So later that night, I log onto the Swamp and it looks like this...

(Tap, Tap, Tap) Is This Thing On?

So you may have noticed, as far as "bloggers" go...we've been absolutely pathetic this year and even moreso these past couple months. I totally blame the Jews but Assman sent out an e-mail this morning reminding us that Festivus isn't far away and if we're gonna make that work, we're gonna need some folks checking back in here regularly again so for about a month, expect us to be awesome. We're talking like 6-7 posts a week, baby! That'll lead us up to our favorite holiday and hopefully a lot of our readers will get on board again and make it work. Then, we'll probably all get lazy and suck again but let's just run with this for now.

I really don't see a better way to lead us off here then with an old friend who's back with a vengeance...B to the F to the F, motherfuckers and she's GOING ROGUE, BABY!!! The greatest part about this book of course has nothing to do with the book itself as I'm sure it's nothing but 400 pages of lashing out and blaming everyone from the media to Vie Sikahema for her idiocy. Nope, Palin's got minions and they're crawling out of the woodworks to tell us what's wrong with this country by the hundreds! Good times? Try, the best times!

By the way, I can handle losing to the Bengals and Chiefs in consecutive weeks. I survived the 80s and being Cleveland's bitch for chrissakes. However, dude at :37 and 4:42 is really making me re-evaluate my fanhood.