The Airing of Grievances

Macho Man Dead

That just sucks. Really really sucks. Now, who's going to sell all these damned Slim Jims we've got laying around here? Leapin' Lanny Poffo?

 

Edit: Why not?

Steelers Week: Kurt Warner Draws God

Here's Kurt attempting to draw a picture of God but OMG...it looks more like Jesus! Ha! We'll just call it Jesus, then. You see, Kurt's vision of God is an old man in a white robe with white hair and a long white beard, while Jesus...who is the son of God...looks like a younger version of the Father, with brown hair, a shorter beard, and apparently a pair of wings. This is pretty much exactly how my 6 year old would describe what God and Jesus look like, except she'd probably be able to figure out that if you're using a pencil and you color in the hair and the beard, it's going to cease being white. I think I would just draw a picture of a koala bear and then ask the dude from godinthebox.com to prove to me how that's not God.

More importantly though...WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING? DO YOU SEE YOUR SLEEVES, MAN??? YOUR WIFE LETS YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE LIKE THIS? THIS IS HOW CLOWN'S DRESS!!! ARE YOU A CLOWN? IS BRENDA WARNER FUCKING A CLOWN? IS IT POSSIBLE THAT HER LIFE IS REALLY THAT MUCH MORE INTERESTING THAN THE REST OF OURS?

Regarding The Bad Santa...

I was taking a two week vacation after that last Festivus endurance trial but I had to come in to the office to do a little housekeeping so while I'm here, let's get to that whack-job that ruined Christmas.

When I first heard about this, the only thought I had was "who does that?" "Who dresses up as Santa Claus and shoots an 8 year old girl in the face?" I mean by all accounts, this guy seemed like a perfectly normal guy despite looking like a healthier Charlie Weiss. You figure that something really bad must have happened to him and then all you get is that he got divorced and lost his job? That's it? I mean, isn't this what they make Jack Daniels for...so you don't have to dress up like Santa Claus, ring doorbells, shoot 8 year old girls in the face with semi-automatics, and light everyone else you know on fire? More importantly, does anyone smell an ad campaign here?

Every time something like this happens, it scares the living fuck out of me because it reminds me that there are people around me that probably have that inside them. While I'm sure we all have a certain amount of rage that can be triggered at any given time, there are those select few who are capable of some truly depraved shit and it's assholes like this that remind us that we have to be skeptical of anyone to a certain degree. More than likely, it's Jim from accounts payable but it could be anyone. Just sayin'.

On an unrelated note, I spent the weekend in Boston and of course I can't go to Boston and leave without grievances so jump with me, will you?

Me and My Ginormous Neck Wanna Wrassle You

   

Saturday marks the "biggest fight in MMA history" -- since the last one -- when Randy Couture comes out of semi-retirement to offer a title shot to Brock Lesnar at UFC 9,991.  Should be interesting.  For those of you who read this blog even when we're not praising the lifetime (minus one weekend) of Chris Benoit, Brock Lesnar is a former WWE and Japanese wrasslin' "champion."  Brock was also a non-make-believe wrestling champ in college in 2000, one year after losing out to current New England Pats lineman Stephen Neal -- who most likely cheated.  Now Lesnar is trying to steal Randy's belt like he did Stone Cold's 4-wheeler on Monday Night RAW one time.  Is Lesnar for real, or is he just another Kimbo?  He's definitely more legit than Kimbo, having beat some tough competition.  Like Frank Mir.  However, that's it.  Unless of course you're Georgiarded and think "beating" great "technical wrasslers" like Kurt Angle and the Rabid Wolverine in redneck vaudeville is worth anything more than a cup of shit n' dip spit.  My prediction: Couture prevails.  It probably won't be with a Frog Splash like Eddie Guerrero used, but I think it will be a knockout.

Aside from this being a shameless attempt at picking a fight with Real America, you may have noticed it's chock, full of, glossary terms.?

Introducing the A of G Glossary 1.0

For the purposes of reference, I am starting a list of terminology that is native to A of G.  We will add to this as new ones take shape.  Also, feel free to nominate any that I have left out.

Hey Kruger...

Blow me.

I Swear I Did Not Touch Neil Diamond

The scene this past weekend for Mr. and Mrs. Vandelay’s 10th wedding anniversary was Boston, Massachusetts, topped off with a night of dulcet tones by the great Neil Diamond. This would complete my trifecta of seeing geriatrics in concert at venues that are home to sports teams that I absolutely loathe. We’d be joined by friends, Joe and Lisa. The concert itself was good…not great. It is Neil Diamond so there’s certainly a cheese factor in play but if you don’t take yourself too seriously, it’s kinda hard not to have fun. As you can see from that photo above, the crowd was old. Really old. Like Craig old. This pretty much squashed the possibility of getting stoned which really seemed like an obvious necessity to us for a Neil Diamond concert and every time I’m watching a Red Sox game and someone made a catch in deep right center field I could have remembered the time I smoked a joint in that very spot. Unfortunately, nobody was so much as drinking so we worked under the presumption that Joe pulling a joint out of his balls wouldn’t have gone over so well.

Without further ado, a pictorial review…

Tell Me That Doesn't Look Good

Oh yeah. I'm liking that. That there is an authentic 1999 Royals Art Vandelay jersey. I'm not quite sure where he got the number from, though. Oh, yeah! Now I get it!

That makes perfect sense!

Art Vandelay was a scrappy second baseman with the Royals for 6 seasons, making up for his shortcomings in athleticism with pure grit.