Would You Mind Sharing My Dick? You Have MS So Why Waste It? In Defense of G-Newt

the awesomeness of ppl who run for president never fails to leave me lmfao. 

and now that wikapedia  is back up i can educate you retards on newts.  "A newt is an aquatic amphibian of the family Salamandridae, although not all aquatic salamanders are considered newts". 

a newt is also a gingrich- a newt gingrich.  or, one who likes to preach family values- like dick sharing.  dick sharing becomes necessary when a spouse develops a chronic disease that in some way inhibits sexual contact or the desire to engage in sexual contact.  it takes true politician to be a professional dick-sharer. 

great dick-sharers of the past and present include JFK and EMK, John Edwards, Larry "widestance" Craig, and Bill Clinton.  dick sharing is what motivates presidential candidates.  especially ones that preach "values".  values are very important when it comes to dick sharing.  without dick sharing there would be no values and therefore no great presidential candidates. 

take for example the dick sharing abilities of the humpback whale.  four or five hb's will routinely share their dicks with one female hb in order guage the effectiveness of their competitors dick sharing capabilities.  in this way, a heirarchy can be establish based on dick sharing and a president hb can be put in place to further the dick sharing abilities of all hb's.  this is how nature works.

so it is completely natural for presidential candidates to share their dicks amongst their several tight circles.... of say... family members and employees.  this ensures that the next president of the united states has the most effective and resilient dick sharing skill set so the core values of our nation remain solidly intact.

i often share my dick between my girlfriend, my left hand and my right hand.  in this way i've managed to stay out of jail while simultaneously becoming a sick snowboarder and surfer.  dick sharing is a spiritual journey through life's challenges and should be encouraged at very early age.  young children need american core values to guide them through the tricky waters of liberalism and socialism.  dick sharing will give the youth of today the wholesome conservative nourishment their fragile souls crave.  and  when they turn eighteen they will need to share their dicks with ppl in other countries that we're invading.  dick sharing will spread through the world freeing the oppressed, feeding the hungry,  providing a blanket of security like a custom fitted sheep skin. 

so unless mitt romney (i'm assuming santorum does not have a dick to share) can prove his dick sharing skills are better than newt's i believe we have our next republican candidate.  striding headlong into the bright future on the wings of american values on the winds of dick sharing. 

 

Comments

[Schmoopie]

"Amongst their several tight circles" — is "tight circles" what the kids are calling 'em these days?

Don't forget Romney's distinguished Mormon heritage. He may not be too far removed from a generation rife with plural marriage. Does he get partial credit for grandparental dick sharing?

[Mr. Kruger]

ahh you're right- i didn't think of that! decades of family dick sharing secrets passed down through the generations. :)

[H.E. Pennypacker]

I heard today on the news that Newt asked his second wife if they could turn their marriage -- presumably theretofore monogamous (as far as she knew, anyway) -- into an open marriage. She wasn't into it.

All of this, of course, was while Newt was helping to nail Clinton to the wall for nailing an intern.

Family values, indeed.

[Vandelay]

As long as Santorum doesn't have a dick, I'm good. I'd have to find a way to get off this planet.

[Assman]

I like that he first offered the idea of an open marriage. That's what I call reaching across the aisle to build bridges and find compromises.