This Is Fucking Happening?!

Are you a romantic guy? Are you the sort of fellow that knows his way to a lady's heart?

I've got news for you, man. You can't call yourself a true auteur of romantic scenarios if you're not taking your date to the zoo on Valentine's Day to watch animals fuck.

Seriously. This is happening in Pittsburgh. The city that learned to look the other way when its quarterback has sex with unwilling young women is going to spend a day watching elephants go ass-to-trunk instead. And they're paying $75 a ticket! This is a good idea?!

Dude with bushy moustache: "Hey sweetie. I put aside $150 for tickets for Valentine's Day."
Lady with weird 80's haircut: "Aw, that's so sweet. So we're going to a show?"
Dude with bushy moustache: "Absolutely. Only the best for my little cupcake."
Lady with weird 80's haircut: "Wait... is this like the time you took me to see Polamalu get his locker red up after the season? That wasn't very romantic."
Dude with bushy moustache: "Not quite that good. We're going to see watch orangutans performing oral on each other."

THIS IS FUCKING HAPPENING?!?!?

Comments

[Vandelay]

Wait... is this like the time you took me to see Polamalu get his locker red up after the season?

What?

This would have been more educational like 20 years ago. It's 2012 now. Don't these people have youtube? You can't name a species that you can't see shagging on youtube. Well...maybe homo sapiens. But there's RedTube for that.

[Assman]

What?

Red up means "clean" in Pittsburghese.

[Mr. Kruger]

this is what happens when you spend your life researching and chairing working committees. science and socializing don't mix people unless your spouse is as big a nerd as you. and even then....

[Schmoopie]

Who needs to see animals mating when we have that masturbating walrus grunting on YouTube?

[cheap ray ban sunglasses]

Wise man have their mouths in their hearts, fools have their hearts in their mouths.