I'm sure we've heard about the dastardly Marines pissing on the Talibani corpses over in Afghanistan by now, right? It's an outrage, says Ham Karzai.
"A presidential statement described the act as "completely inhumane" and called on the U.S. military to punish the Marines."
Yes! Fry those bastards! This type of aggression won't stand, man. Wait. Did you say humanity? Humanity as in "humane?" Ok, got it. Now we're on the same pa-....um, you know we were trying to kill these Taliban, right? "Kill," as in "make really, really dead with 50-caliber bullets and shit?" And "Taliban," as in "group that's been sawing off heads on camera ANNNNNND trying like hell to assassinate you for the last x amount of years?" Yeah, you lost me again. So maybe the Afghan Ministry of Defense can help put it in perspective...
The Afghan Ministry of Defense also condemned the actions in the video, which it described as "shocking."
Whoa, really? Is the AMOD run by Quakers? I'm gonna go WAY out on a limb and assume they've seen seen a lot of egregious shit in their lifetimes. And I can't imagine the Mendoza line for "shocking" is set above pissing-on-dead-enemies. Especially when you consider what passes for "Sports & Leisure" in their country. So let's just ask the US Marines then:
Marine Corps headquarters at the Pentagon said: "The actions portrayed are not consistent with our core values and are not indicative of the character of the Marines in our Corps..."
Lemme ask you this, Marine Corps: have you ever met a Marine? You ever drink with a Marine? See, there's kinda this stigma. I'm not saying all. But most. It comes from some level of truth. Kinda how black people can't be silent in movie theaters, white people can't sit out the Electric Slide, and Asians can't pronounce "ice cream." Marines can't refrain from debauchery. They just can't. It's not in their DNA. It's one of the things you either love or hate about them. And they wouldn't be as effective without it. But, we'll just keep doing the dance. I won't even bother with quoting CAIR, because we already know what they're gonna say.
Look, I get it. This is bad PR for the world's already adoring view of the US. Our soldiers should know better (or at least know better than to record it). But do we really need to stop the presses so every Stephanopoly can interview political and military groups while they feign indignation over something that is relatively so miniscule. Come on, media. I mean, isn't Tim Tebow playing this week? Isn't the Casey Anthony overdose watch in full effect? Don't we have a boring presidential election to beat like a dead horse goat Talibani?
Know who doesn't care that dead people are being pissed on? The dead people.
Posted by: Vandelay | January 12, 2012 at 01:20 PM
"Know who doesn't care that dead people are being pissed on? The dead people."
Right. Not sure what the Vegas odds-makers would put it at, but I'm willing to wager at least one of the 72 virgins will be involved in some type of golden shower activity with the soldier. Either way, someone's getting pissed on after he dies.
Posted by: Jack Klompus | January 12, 2012 at 01:37 PM
This just goes to prove my point. There are way too many video cameras in the world these days. You just can't piss on a dead guy like you used to.
But, really, what do you expect leadership to say here? "Pissing on the enemy is fine. We recommend soldiers have two beers before every mission just so they have enough in the bladder for it." Of course they're going to condemn it to the media.
Posted by: Assman | January 12, 2012 at 03:15 PM
"But, really, what do you expect leadership to say here?"
Not much. Maybe act a little disappointed, but then put it in context:
"Yes, it is unfortunate. But did I mention we were trying to kill them? That was intentional. We were actually trying to blow them into small pieces, but they were too close to civilians -- so we just put a lot of bullets in them instead. And yeah, I guess at that point they ended up getting a little bit peed-on. Just before they were teabagged with pig testicles. Luckily the camera stopped recording before that. Can't be too careful. Next question. You in the third row."
Posted by: Jack Klompus | January 12, 2012 at 03:40 PM
Not that I really think this is the Worst Scandal Ever, but if the tables were turned, and video turned up showing Taliban fighters whizzing on the corpse of a US Marine, I would imagine that some segments of the US political spectrum would be calling for nuclear strikes on the entire region...
Posted by: Doktor Zoom | January 12, 2012 at 08:54 PM
I would imagine that some segments of the US political spectrum would be calling for nuclear strikes
Aren't they already?
I don't think our leaders can even put it in context. In cases like this, all we've got going for us is the moral high ground and a sense of planetary civic duty. If we cop to being killers who pee on the other guys, then what keeps us in the white hats? Reality has to take a back seat to marketing here. Yes, it's ridiculous, but our people have to feel like we're the good guys.
Posted by: Assman | January 12, 2012 at 09:12 PM
@Jack Klompus... Wish your first comment had a 'Like' button!
Posted by: SteelSox | January 13, 2012 at 02:17 AM
@DZ
"but if the tables were turned, and video turned up showing Taliban fighters whizzing on the corpse of a US Marine, I would imagine that some segments of the US political spectrum would be calling for nuclear strikes on the entire region..."
Well, then immediately we'd have a resurfacing of those videos of not-so-long-ago where heads were sawn off and soldiers' naked bodies drawn and quartered about the village -- in which case the outrage over urination would be put into its proper context.
@Assman
"Yes, it's ridiculous, but our people have to feel like we're the good guys."
Yep, you're right of course. It was a pipe dream of mine that for just one moment, reality could reign. Instead, we have to go back and hold our breath while our nation becomes 100% socialist and has to combat a bullying epidemic while trying to save the planet from global warming climate changey type shit.
Posted by: Jack Klompus | January 13, 2012 at 09:51 AM
Yep, you're right of course. It was a pipe dream of mine that for just one moment, reality could reign. Instead, we have to go back and hold our breath while our nation becomes 100% socialist....
right, i just got back from a three day trade show in orlando that took up 50 city blocks. lots of socialism going on there I tell ya! i'm all socialismed-out!
Posted by: Mr. Kruger | January 15, 2012 at 01:27 PM
Pissing on corpses is not cool. I don't care how you want to spin it. It just ain't.
Posted by: H.E. Pennypacker | January 15, 2012 at 06:47 PM
@pennypacker
yes it is, if they were the dudes trying to blow holes in your face with ak's. i see it as a courtesy.
Posted by: Mr. Kruger | January 15, 2012 at 07:04 PM
Pissing on corpses is not cool.
No, and I wish they hadn't taped it. But, if we're at war with these guys, I'd rather have the crazy killers who like to piss on their enemies on my team.
Posted by: Assman | January 17, 2012 at 07:19 PM
Fuck all that. I'm glad it was on video. I think it should be aired 24X7 for Afghani eyes only. These pussy whipped dicks in Washington, especially the cunt and chief need to man the fuck up and start telling these asswipes that we're in Afghanistan to kick ass until they get their shit together. General Black Jack Pershing had it right - and yes I wish the video WAS running when the dead assholes were tea bagged with pig balls.
Posted by: Dredge Slug | January 19, 2012 at 08:11 AM
Pissing on the dead is nothing new. Everyone needs to stop providing the evidence of the dumb shit they do. Have a memory in your head for God's sake. Not everything needs to be so fucking tangible.
Posted by: randi | January 19, 2012 at 01:53 PM