So Bachmann becomes the first candidate to sign Iowa's "Marriage Vow," which is basically 14 promises that any Republican candidate has to make in order to be considered a viable candidate I suppose. Anyway, this thing is awesome...
"Vigorous opposition to any redefinition of the Institution of Marriage – faithful monogamy between one man and one woman – through statutory-, bureaucratic-, or court-imposed recognition of intimate unions which are bigamous, polygamous, polyandrous, same-sex, etc."
Got it...just like the Constitution says...
"Official fidelity to the U.S. Constitution, supporting the elevation of none but faithful constitutionalists as judges or justices."
Wair for it...WAIT FOR IT...
"Steadfast embrace of a federal Marriage Amendment to the U.S. Constitution which protects the definition of marriage as between one man and one woman in all of the United States."
Alrighty then. So the basic gist of this whole thing is "fuck the gays." But then some things that have nothing to do with marriage sneak their way in there...
"Commitment to downsizing government and the enormous burden upon American families of the USA‟s $14.3 trillion public debt, its $77 trillion in unfunded liabilities, its $1.5 trillion federal deficit, and its $3.5 trillion federal budget."
Got it. Spending bad. Taxes bad.
"Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA‟s first African-American President"
OH MY GOD!!!!
"Rejection of Sharia Islam and all other anti-woman, anti-human rights forms of totalitarian control."
Wait...WHAT?!?! Because what better way to oppose totalitarianism and women's rights than to create a totalitarian document that pisses on women's rights.
That slavery thing isn't even a promise of any kind. It's just...weird. O_o WTF, Iowa? WTF?
Posted by: Faith | July 08, 2011 at 03:43 PM
Yeah, that was just an explanation for one of the promises. Fucking nuts though, huh? To be fair to Iowa, this is just some powerful fundie group that came up with this and probably doesn't represent the views of most Iowans. I probably shouldn't refer to it as "Iowa's" Marriage Vow.
Posted by: Vandelay | July 08, 2011 at 05:03 PM
So, if somebody signs this thing, we'll get... what... three months before we find out they're sleeping with someone of the same sex?
Posted by: Assman | July 08, 2011 at 05:04 PM
Never trust a state with only one consonant.
Posted by: Dr. Whatley | July 08, 2011 at 05:56 PM
Hopefully, it's Bachmann and BFF. How's that for a scandal.
With all the shit about adultery, I'd be interested to see the look on Gingrich's face when he signs it.
Posted by: Vandelay | July 08, 2011 at 07:02 PM
Faithful monogamy between one man and one woman........how many members of Congress can say they fit that bill?
Posted by: Bethany | July 08, 2011 at 08:03 PM
Yes, things were awesome during slavery. Were you a woman linked to an abusive man? Tough shit! You have no freedom. You ain't going anywhere, honey.
Posted by: Schmoopie | July 09, 2011 at 09:50 PM
Hopefully, it's Bachmann and BFF. How's that for a scandal.
I needed a moment to digest this. It's not the most realistic scandal in the world, and, even if they were caught scissoring on live TV, the spin machine would stop it before it got ten feet out of the gate.
But... if it did happen, it would be a great month to be selling Kleenex in a Republican state. Short of watching them team up and give head to Jesus in the White House, I'm not sure what else could set the balls on fire faster.
Posted by: Assman | July 10, 2011 at 12:35 PM
"Countless weddings have been performed in Hindi Cinema, but this is the first time that I have come across someone so keen to be in the limelight that he can go far enough to claim to have married Genelia D'Souza off," Shah said in a statement.
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