Back in April of 1986, when I was barely 11 years old, I was watching a riveting moustache-arrific episode of Jeopardy with my parents when Tom Brokaw broke into the telecast to tell us all that the United States had sent over an aerial attack on Libya. Now, at 11, I didn't know shit about Libya or anything for that matter, but I was jarred from such a thing. This was, after all, the first time in my life where the military of my country had acted in aggression toward another nation, and I admit, I freaked the fuck out.
A day later, I wrote a letter to then President Ronald Reagan, something to the effect of,
"Dear President Reagan. I'm freaking the fuck out, Mr. President. I'm 11. I don't like the idea of my potentially going to war. I know some history, and I know the last real conflict we had didn't end so hotsy-totsy, so, what the fuck are you thinking?"
(I am ignoring that little Grenada thingy in '83, because shit, that was like Michigan v. Appalacian State in football. Wait. Bad example. Let's go with Florida v. their first opponent every year instead.)
Anyway, I eventually did receive a letter in reply, rubber stamped of course, from the Office of the POTUS stating something along the lines of, "Thanks for the letter kid. You don't know shit. Here's a sticker." No lie. My dad has it saved somewhere in the archives of "Look at what my retarded kid wrote."
In retrospect, all the U.S. did back in '86 was send over two Cessna's and a hot air balloon, dropped a few bags of flaming dog poo on Tripoli and called it a day. But, again, what did I know.
Flash forward 25 years and here we are again. Libya. Ghadaffi. Bombs. Missiles. People yelling in gibberish. And still, for the life of me, I still don't know what the fuck is going on. And I will profess my ignorance of most things political and ask you, the writers of this AofG masterpiece and loyal readers, can somebody explain to me why we are doing it all over again?
Sure, I know that the fine folks of Libya are fed up with a douchebag dictator who looks like a bad perm victim from the 70's. I know they are fighting for their independence and release from this guy. So I ask, why are we fucking involved over there? Can't we as a nation just let shit happen according to their will? Because it seems to me that we did the same fucking thing say, oh, 230-ish years ago and nobody batted an eyelash over such a thing.
Help me. Dumb ass and all. Please.
Also, a few notes:
1. France is involved. France? Really? For the first time that I can recall, this is the first military action France has thrown their wine and croissant engorging ass into that didn't involve raising white flags, berets and hairy armpitted broads in the air saying "We Surrender!" What gives France? This is the equivalent of a number two seed being all bad ass against a 15 seed, acting like they should've been there all along. Jesus. You get against a high seed, France, and you buckle faster than a BYU co-eds chastity belt.
2. According to reports, as of 10:37pm EDT 3/19/11, the U.S. and U.K. launched somewhere in the vacinity of 112 cruise missiles and hit just 20 targets. That's a whopping 17.8% hit rate. Who the fuck did we become with that accuracy? LeBron James in the 4th quarter of any game with meaning? That's bullshit. Poland launched a donkey laced with an enema from a catapult on Libya and got a better result.
Anyway, like I said, enlighten me. Because after two wars in countries over what has been deemed God knows what, the last thing we as a country need is to get involved in some horse shit involving a camel humping dictator and people fighting for something worthwhile. Can't we, for once, sit back and say "fuck it?"
Or am I wrong?
What the fuck? Everyone has a life except me all of a sudden? *crickets*
Posted by: Dr. Whatley | March 20, 2011 at 10:14 PM
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Posted by: true religion jeans | March 20, 2011 at 11:59 PM
I enjoyed this post as much as true religion jeans, Whatley. From what I've read, it has a lot to do with location. It's important for the US to have a presence in Libya because it's in a place where the Mediterranean, Arab, Muslim, and African worlds all meet and if they can help take out the dictator, and open up domestic relations, it would be very beneficial. They also have 2% of the world's oil.
Posted by: Vandelay | March 21, 2011 at 10:26 AM
I also think that true religion jesus was very fantastic, but after a little bit of reading up on the situation, here's what I gather.
1. There's oil and we're the customer. Anytime something looks like it might get between us and oil, we're up for it.
2. As a country, we're getting by on three things:
We produce successful business ideas better than anyone else. We invent. They manufacture.
We've got a reputation as a world leader, so until China pulls our skirt and calls us a paper champ, we're still the go-to country for running point on this kind of crap.
Our military power is fucking absurd.
Given all of that, we've got to show up, drop a few bombs, puff out the chest and keep the wolves at bay every once in a while. Otherwise, we're done.
Posted by: Assman | March 21, 2011 at 12:24 PM
All I know is that one of my friends a the bar was all, "AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!" when the news was reporting about the bombing on Saturday night between basketball games, and it made me want to vomit.
I fear I'm no longer a very good Republican. ::sigh::
Posted by: Faith | March 21, 2011 at 02:45 PM
Sometimes I grow weary of the US being the world's moral compass as well, Dr. Tim.
Posted by: randi | March 21, 2011 at 02:48 PM
Sometimes I grow weary of the US being the world's moral compass as well, Dr. Tim.
I don't think the rest of the world sees it that way.
Posted by: Vandelay | March 21, 2011 at 03:55 PM
i agree for the most part with vandelay and assman. i would add that bombing is what you do to establish a no-fly zone. something the tards in congress have been grumbling about since the gov't forces started going on the offensive.
plus, you had the Tunisian and Egyptian revolts ending in ousting the dick-taters. and you have Kadafi- possibly the most reviled nut-job in the world and the high possibility of an all out slaughter of rights-seeking protesters. well all this makes it a little too easy to go in and fuck his shit up.
Posted by: Mr. Kruger | March 22, 2011 at 09:25 AM
Well, 230 years ago we threw off tyranny thanks to the intervention of....France. We might have been able to defeat Britain by ourselves, but probably not, and France put us over the top with the equivalent of some close air support. I'm not saying I agree with what we're doing (I'm honestly not sure, and I'm currently hovering at about 51% approving), but I do think there's a bit of a precedent.
Posted by: Longtime Lurker | March 22, 2011 at 12:38 PM
Well, 230 years ago we threw off tyranny thanks to the intervention of....France.
maybe it's because i'm half canuckastani, but i'm often amazed at how this fact is lost on your average joe. not only would the u.s. not have survived the revolutionary war but also the war of 1812 without french intervention. yea, the french are assholes but are fucking constitution was written using more than a few of their ideas.
Posted by: Mr. Kruger | March 22, 2011 at 01:36 PM
'our' learn to fucking write kruger.
Posted by: Mr. Kruger | March 22, 2011 at 01:37 PM
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