Is It OK To Start Drinking Yet

disclaimer: I’m busy as hell right now so this will be as incoherent and disjointed as all my other my posts. 

Things I’m hatin’ on:

East Coast winter recreation areas: aka the EK, Ice Coast, Crust Belt.  When I can’t simply cab off a roller going 25 mph without this happening because half the fucking mountain is infested with hidden patches of ice it’s time to move to Tahoe, the PNW, or SLC.   Even that asshole pre-madonna state CO where I did my undergrad would be better than this shit.  Mammoth gets 32 feet of snow in two weeks and I’ve seen nary a flake of steamed molecules since November.  I hate you New England with all of my heart.  Fuck this ancient pussy-dry, dunkin donut shittin, motherfucker.  

My last hope for a happy life rests on my latest purchase, a 161 Jones Solution- mmmm-hhmmm... that's the answer.

 

Council of Conservative Citizens can’t seem to get past the idea of a Idris Elba playing Heimdell, “the guardian of Asgard.”  Fuck, I don’t even know what that means but if Shaq can conduct the Boston Pops  then Idris Elba should have the green light to play Heimdell the Assguard. 

 

Tasha the 15 year old minpin: for waking me up four times a night to go relieve yourself.  The only way you make up for that shit is bringing your A-Game for our epic bed-fart battles after the boss leaves. 

 

Julian Assange:  doesn't suffer fools but suffers himself.   Why did I say that?

 

Dunkin Donuts:  congratulations on being the first fast food joint to make me throw up in my ass just lookin' at your testicle pancake balls.

 

Christmas:  Why the fuck hasn’t somebody dubbed this holiday Christmulus yet?! 

Now it's back to grant writing and back to dreaming of the west coast- so fuck off Festivae.

Comments

[Vandelay]

Why the fuck hasn’t somebody dubbed this holiday Christmulus yet?!

This is funny to me even though I don't get it.

[H.E. Pennypacker]

Maybe the cracked helmet has something to do with the disjointedness of this rant.

...nah, it's all good, man. Frank Costanza was never coherent, and he's awesome, so we're cool.

Personally, I kinda like Julian Assange (but I wish he'd just take a damn HIV test already so we can get back to reading secret diplomatic love-notes aloud in class, or whatever the hell got him thrown in the clink).