Trust Me...This Is Hilarious

So apparently having run out of any good stereotypical bad guys like Nazis and Monsters and shit, Hollywood has decided to vilify those hateful atheists. Please take a few minutes to watch the absurd trailer below. It's basically the plot to the Grinch except the Grinch doesn't like religion. I don't really know where to begin...

- It takes place in a small town in Alaska of course
- It stars Ted McGinley as the mayor and the fat Baldwin (are they all just fat now?) as the evil atheist
- He's described as a person that hates God even though he doesn't believe in God so that's not even possible
- Christians started the United States of America
- I'm guessing here but since it's Hollywood I'm going to assume that the evil atheist abandons all his principles and reasoning and converts to Catholic because they're nicer
- Yup...straight to DVD

Ultimately, this shit is fucked up. Not only have I never known an atheist that had an issue with Christmas but for Christ's sake Christians...it's okay for people not to believe in the same shit that you do! Isn't there some sort of message in the Christmas spirit about not being so god damned self-righteous about everything?

Sigh.

Comments

[Mr. Kruger]

This is Hollywood's genius. sniff out populist trends, lay it on thick, and then watch the money roll in. I'm guessing it cost the studio execs less to make this movie than it did to pay their Mexicans to manicure their private properties for a year.

baldwin looks like satan- coincidence? friendly Alaskans scare the crap the out of me- something is seriously wrong there.

[Jack Klompus]

"So apparently having run out of any good stereotypical bad guys like Nazis and Monsters and shit, Hollywood has decided to vilify those hateful atheists."

Right, because Hollywood never villifies or mocks any religious group?

But aside from that -- does this really qualify as "Hollywood?" Kirk Cameron makes ridiculous small-budget Christian movies all the time (some of which actually get screened in theaters). Is he Hollywood?

"Not only have I never known an atheist that had an issue with Christmas"

How about an atheist that had an issue with Christians? If you're suggesting that most atheists have no problem with Christmas being acknowledged as a Christian holiday, you're chock full of shit.

"but for Christ's sake Christians...it's okay for people not to believe in the same shit that you do!"

Is it okay for Christians to believe in what they want?

[Vandelay]

How about an atheist that had an issue with Christians? If you're suggesting that most atheists have no problem with Christmas being acknowledged as a Christian holiday, you're chock full of shit.

Oh, I thought those were the liberals.

Is it okay for Christians to believe in what they want?

Yes. Did I imply otherwise?

[Mr. Kruger]

Is it okay for Christians to believe in what they want?

that depends on the christian. clearly a good number will be believe whatever some cocksucking greedy closet queen megalomaniac will tell them to believe.

is it ok to celebrate the birth of a magic wonder boy character who's only proof of existence was claimed by a small group of aristocrats four hundred years later? absolutely.

Is it alright to walk into a medical clinic and shoot a doctor in the face because you claim that this magical wonder boy told you to?
negative.

[Jack Klompus]

"that depends on the christian. clearly a good number will be believe whatever some cocksucking greedy closet queen megalomaniac will tell them to believe."

Is that not true for atheists as well?

"is it ok to celebrate the birth of a magic wonder boy character who's only proof of existence was claimed by a small group of aristocrats four hundred years later? absolutely."

How about if your federal government recognizes it as a national holiday?

'Is it alright to walk into a medical clinic and shoot a doctor in the face because you claim that this magical wonder boy told you to?
negative."

Has nothing to do with religion. It's not alright to do that under any circumstance.

[Vandelay]

How is that true for atheists as well? Their non-belief is a result of an inclination towards logic and reason over faith.

What are you even arguing here? Is the premise of this movie not absurd to you?

[Jack Klompus]

"How is that true for atheists as well? Their non-belief is a result of an inclination towards logic and reason over faith."

Not always. One thing we know about people in general is that most are followers. I find it difficult to imagine a great many atheists believe (or don't believe) what they do because they took the time to consider the arguments for and against faith.

"What are you even arguing here? Is the premise of this movie not absurd to you?"

Not entirely. Obviously it's dramatized, but hello -- it's a movie. Still, we recently had the US Supreme Court decide on whether or not a 7-foot cross could remain (as a war memorial) 10 miles into the Mojave desert -- because an atheist cried foul about it. There have been countless stories of atheists requesting that Christmas trees and nativity scenes be removed from public property. It's not too difficult to see where they got the inspiration for the premise.

But above all else, I'm arguing about the Hollywood "significance" of this. It's a straight-to-DVD movie starring Daniel Baldwin and Ted McGinley -- not exactly Tom Hanks taking on the Vatican. I don't think you really have to worry about Hollywood being overtaken by Christian conservatives.

[Mr. Kruger]

Is that not true for atheists as well?

Where's the atheist list?

How about if your federal government recognizes it as a national holiday?

I can live with that- I'm not a fanatic.

Has nothing to do with religion.

Do atheists have a problem with abortion?

[Vandelay]

Not always. One thing we know about people in general is that most are followers.

Okay...that's fair.

But above all else, I'm arguing about the Hollywood "significance" of this. It's a straight-to-DVD movie starring Daniel Baldwin and Ted McGinley -- not exactly Tom Hanks taking on the Vatican. I don't think you really have to worry about Hollywood being overtaken by Christian conservatives.

Ha! I wasn't worried about that at all my man and really, I'm with you on this. I can't stand belligerent, preachy atheists. But honestly, every atheist that I've ever met is just sort of apathetic and indifferent about religion. Basically, nothing like this fat Baldwin character. So it's funny to me.

[Jeff]

Do atheists have a problem with abortion?

I'd be surprised if there weren't atheists who had a problem with abortion. This is not just a religious issue. It is a question of whether or not something is a human and whether or not you have the right to terminate its life. It just so happens a lot of religious people stand on one side of that issue.

[Jack Klompus]

"Do atheists have a problem with abortion? "

That's not the point. Your doctor-killing pro-lifer didn't commit murder because of religion. He did so because he was crazy. He used his religious beliefs as a justification in his fucked-up mind. Same goes for the atheist who went on Youtube before killing 8 people in a public school.

[Mr. Kruger]

It just so happens a lot of religious people stand on one side of that issue.

It just so happens that most atheists stand on the other side. Believe me, it's a religious thing. One more way to try and convince themselves they're morally superior.

[Jeff]

To be clear, I'm not a very religious person. I just find it odd that the issue of abortion is necessarily a religious one. And, although I believe you're probably correct, I find it equally odd that most atheists stand on the other side of the issue. That leads me to believe that the atheists are standing on a particular side simply because it is the opposite of the side that many religious people take. To me, that's not very reasonable or logical. That just goes to underscore Klompus' point that most people are followers (atheists included).

[Jeff]

And the example of the doctor-killing pro-lifer is just a case of a sick, misguided individual. He is taking the life of a human because he believes abortion is murder. That's nonsensical and if he paid close attention to the overall message of his own religion, he would understand that his actions are not in accordance with Christian principles.

[Mr. Kruger]

That leads me to believe that the atheists are standing on a particular side simply because it is the opposite of the side that many religious people take.

Or it could be that if you put aside you're preconceptions of right and wrong and take an objective look at the situation you find that you really have no business forcing your views on another person decision on how they want to handle their personal health issues. It's not YOUR fetus it's HERS. You don't have to like her decision or even respect it. You do have to learn to keep your nose out of places it doesn't belong.

Not saying this to you Jeff specifically- just to all the christian maggots out there.

[Jeff]

Not saying this to you Jeff specifically- just to all the christian maggots out there.

I knew that wasn't meant to be directed at me. But it did feel a little like it was because I'm not really so sure I agree with you there. I mean, if you draw an arbitrary line somewhere in an organism's life and say "this is where it becomes human and anything before that is just a colony of cells cooperating," then it's easier to say it's her choice to make.

But what if that arbitrary line was at, say, 1 year after birth? I know I've ridiculously exaggerated the situation for effect, but you see my point, right? Would we still be so quick to say it's the mother's right to kill her 9-month old? Or is it only her right as long as it resides inside her? So, a week before she's due is still ok?

All that said, I have to reiterate that I still don't know where I stand on this issue because it's so incredibly complicated. There are all sorts of variables to take into account (e.g. was she raped?, will her life be threatened by the pregnancy?, etc.) And I'm not ready to jump on one side just because I happen to usually agree with liberals and I'm not very religious.

Sorry to take us on such a tangent. This one issue always gets me because I don't see how everyone can be so sure they're right.

[Vandelay]

That's nonsensical and if he paid close attention to the overall message of his own religion, he would understand that his actions are not in accordance with Christian principles.

Unless of course he just got done reading Deuteronomy...

After God kills those of other faiths, be sure to reject their beliefs and do not learn about them. Otherwise God will have to kill you too. 12:30

Prophets and dreamers are to be executed if they say or dream the wrong things. 13:1-5

If your brother, son, daughter, wife, or friend tries to get you to worship another god, "thou shalt surely kill him, thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death." 13:6-10

If you hear of a city where another god is worshiped, then destroy everyone in the city (even the cattle) and burn it down. 13:12-16

Kill everyone who has religious beliefs that are different from your own. 17:2-7

Anyone who will not listen to a priest or a judge must be executed. 17:12-13

False prophets are to be executed. How do you know who is a false prophet? By whether or not their predictions come true. 18:20

A murderer is to be killed by "the avenger of blood," which is the victim's nearest relative. "And thine eye shall not pity" them. 19:11-13

False witnesses are to be execucuted. 19:18-19

"And thine eye shall not pity. Life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot." 19:21

God travels with people and fights in their wars. 20:4

In the cities that god "delivers into thine hands" you must kill all the males (including old men, boys, and babies) with "the edge of the sword .... But the women ... shalt thou take unto yourself." 20:13

"But of the cities ... which the Lord thy God doth give thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth." Kill the old men and women, the sick and the dying, the blind and the lame, pregnant mothers, nursing mothers, infants, toddlers, and babies. 20:16

[Jeff]

You'll note I did say "overall message" of the religion. The reason I'm not very religious is because it seems all religions have these weird aspects that don't jive with the overall message (which is usually a good message). Anyone who tries to take a literal meaning from all that has been written in any religion will come to some very disturbing conclusions.

[Jeff]

And, besides, isn't Christianity in a nutshell just the Old Testament with a more kind and forgiving approach? (Again, if you overlook a lot of the weird details that have made their way into the gospels and just pay attention to the general message.)

[Assman]

I think the issue with religion-as-personal-policy-making is that religion is absolute, so, whether or not you logically are for or against abortion, your religion can effectively make up your mind for you. An atheist, serving no master other than themselves, has the luxury to change their mind guilt free.

The perception of atheists, I think, is that because they serve no master other than themselves, they can go be fucked up people without remorse. Doesn't apply to all of them, but I'm guessing that's the stereotype that fuels this movie.

I find it difficult to imagine a great many atheists believe (or don't believe) what they do because they took the time to consider the arguments for and against faith.

Almost every atheist I've ever met became one because of the desire to not be a follower. Usually has nothing to do with weighing the value of faiths. It's more like not being willing to talk themselves into an imaginary hero just to be part of the group.

There have been countless stories of atheists requesting that Christmas trees and nativity scenes be removed from public property. It's not too difficult to see where they got the inspiration for the premise.

And those people tend to be assholes, whether they're atheists or not.

[Vandelay]

The perception of atheists, I think, is that because they serve no master other than themselves, they can go be fucked up people without remorse.

My inclination...not necessarily towards atheism because I think I am spiritual on some level...but towards anti-religionism, is that it's much more rewarding to not be an asshole just because you don't wanna be an asshole rather than for the promise of eternal salvation.

I mean for Catholicism anyway, there's some fucked-up doctrine that allows you to be the epitome of evil and then simply request forgiveness and be back to sinless as far as your salvation goes. That's kind of fucked.

Sure, there are atheists who epitomize evil too (Stalin, Pot, Dahmer, etc) but I don't think it mattered what the fuck they believed in.

I honestly believe that whole forgiveness thing has enabled some people to do some fucked up shit.

So I guess what I'm saying is that the argument for that perception can go both ways.

[H.E. Pennypacker]

I'll read the comments later... but whatever you guys are doing in the past little while when you post clips, neither Firefox nor Safari on Mac can play those embedded videos.

[Kenny Bania]

But honestly, every atheist that I've ever met is just sort of apathetic and indifferent about religion. Basically, nothing like this fat Baldwin character. So it's funny to me.

I'm raising my hand on that one.

I genuinely don't enjoy talking shit to Christians. 99.9% of them are walking hypocrites. Those who get drunk (or otherwise inebriated on any drug ever), fuck out of wedlock, divorced, gay, have houses (gluttony compared to... THE WORLD), etc. clearly have never read any version of the Bible. According to the book they follow, and aren't well versed, they are all walking abominations in their magical sky god's eyes. HAIL FAT BALDWIN!

Really... no one gives a shit. I tolerate people who claim any religion because it's just too fucking much to argue with them. It's painful. It's faith versus logic. No one wins. There is a reason it's called "faith." Faith has no rationality.

"Belief in something that has no proof."

No logic in it. Also, I'm drunk and there is no hell.

[Kenny Bania]

The perception of atheists, I think, is that because they serve no master other than themselves, they can go be fucked up people without remorse.

Well, shit... one more thing.

Some of us choose not to be raping murderous thieves because, well, we choose not to be assholes. Has nothing to do with the perception of a higher power. More so to do with, again, not being a prick. No God told us not to. It just makes sense not to be a dickhead, so other people aren't dickheads to me. Same reason I tell people when they have a brake light out, but in an obviously bigger capacity than a $50 ticket.

Also, religion is a hotbed for sexual repression. Sexual repression leads to sexual deviance. Compare rape stats with any 1st world country where religion takes a back seat.

[Vandelay]

Gotta be something wrong with your Mac. I'm on a Mac and I can see them in both FF and Safari.

You're not on an iPad, are you?

[Assman]

Some of us choose not to be raping murderous thieves because, well, we choose not to be assholes.

and

it's much more rewarding to not be an asshole just because you don't wanna be an asshole rather than for the promise of eternal salvation.

I believe that this is all fine and good, but it's also part of why I think religion is so necessary.

If you're dumb, generally gullible, a mouth breather from Georgia or just a born follower, you need religion. Just like some people don't see the value in investing more in education to eventually lower the crime and disease rates, those same people aren't able to see the value in not being a dick for no reason other than the idea that it's not in the long term best interest of the world. Give those fuckers two mugs of frosty, cold Jesus and keep the shit coming.

[Kenny Bania]

If you're dumb, generally gullible, a mouth breather from Georgia or just a born follower, you need religion.

Agreed. Patton Oswalt does a great bit on how religion was made by smart people so the big guys back in the day didn't rape, murder, and pillage so much. Makes complete sense.

[Vandelay]

Fair point but again, I don't see how that could even work for religions that give you a clean slate at "I'm sorry."

[Kenny Bania]

It still kinda makes sense, otherwise those who do bad things could just say "Fuck it. I'm already screwed. Why not just continue to do bad shit?" I know that logic goes both ways, but without "redemption" they would probably just continue to do bad shit all the time, as opposed to just half the time.

[Mr. Kruger]

Fair point but again, I don't see how that could even work for religions that give you a clean slate at "I'm sorry."

the religion might give you a clean slate but the law won't unless you have enough money to by a pass or a team of savy lawyers.

I never forget that James Baldwin quote (no he was not a forgotten Baldwin brother).

"People pay for what they do, and still more for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it very simply; by the lives they lead. "

[Faithstwin]

First- interpretation of ANY bible is entirely subjective. Anyone who continues to use it in arguing religion is not thinking. (Add to it, no offense to Vandelay, the fact that you probably went and googled 'bible passages that tell people to kill'? Yeah- you don't even have the BOOK the sections are taken from. I admit, it didn't take much for me to make my own google search and I found them right quick.) Which returns me to my first point: the literal interpretation of any part of the bible is useless. Don't even get me started on context. Your first passage doesn't even exist in any part of my Douay Rheims version (yes, I was raised catholic).

I think someone made a very valid point that was skipped over for the most part- this is a movie. With actors. And sets. And a terrible script I am sure. Anyone can dramatize a piece of work and do it wrong. I've seen it a thousand times.

Finally: As a catholic I was obviously told how important confession was in order for me to be true to my faith. I never liked it and stopped soon after I reached a certain age. However, I am still a bit defensive when someone narrows it down to saying, "I'm sorry," and walking away free to move on. That is SOOOO not what happens.

But thank you, Vandelay, for trying to be clever with something you obviously have no idea about- and that isn't any fault of your own. Don't get me wrong. Those who make such inane comments about a subject that is so much more complex than they realize actually entertain me. Because whether you know a lot about it or don't you have simplified it so completely, so *poorly*, you are looking like an ass to those of us who respect it even if we never agreed with it.

I'm sure you couldn't care less what I feel or think, but I am one person who is standing up and saying you are the typical jerk thinking they know it all so they will spew out their stereotypical nonsense even if it is wrong because I know- I KNOW- you will either ignore me because I am useless here or you will pick apart my comment trying to say everything you think is wrong with what I have brought to the table.

I lived it, though. So I KNOW what I am talking about... even as a follower as you all seem so quick to dismiss as also intelligent enough to know what they are following. There is a distinction, I'm quite sure.

(please don't ask where you all said people who 'follow' aren't intelligent. If it wasn't said it was obviously implied and thrown around in a couple of comments as if some of you have never been so stupid as to 'follow' anything- I promise you. The implications are so thick in this comments section or I wouldn't be typing this.)

[Jack Klompus]

"but I am one person who is standing up and saying you are the typical jerk thinking they know it all so they will spew out their stereotypical nonsense"

Aren't Christians supposed to accept and love all of God's creatures -- even preachy, beligerent atheists like Vandelay?

[Assman]

However, I am still a bit defensive when someone narrows it down to saying, "I'm sorry," and walking away free to move on.

Well, clearly. But I think the point he's making is that if someone is already crazy or a little dumb, it's pretty easy to get that wrong and use religion to rationalize something harmful. (See 9/11, Oklahoma City, et. al.)

please don't ask where you all said people who 'follow' aren't intelligent. If it wasn't said it was obviously implied and thrown around in a couple of comments as if some of you have never been so stupid as to 'follow' anything- I promise you.

If you're a born follower, you're going to follow something. Religion, atheist leaders, something. If you are religious, that doesn't mean you're a born follower. I don't see the implication.

[Jack Klompus]

"(See 9/11, Oklahoma City, et. al.)"

The Oklahoma City bombing was neither motivated nor justiified by religion. It was anti-government.

[Jack Klompus]

@Vandelay
"I don't see how that could even work for religions that give you a clean slate at "I'm sorry."

I suppose it would work similarly to "why not lie/cheat/steal/kill -- it's not like I gotta worry about burning in Hell when I die because there's no such thing as an afterlife."

[Assman]

The Oklahoma City bombing was neither motivated nor justiified by religion. It was anti-government.

You're right. I confuse that one with Waco and Koresh. All the crazy white guys from dusty cities start to blend together after a while.

[Vandelay]

I'm sure you couldn't care less what I feel or think, but I am one person who is standing up and saying you are the typical jerk thinking they know it all so they will spew out their stereotypical nonsense even if it is wrong because I know- I KNOW- you will either ignore me because I am useless here or you will pick apart my comment trying to say everything you think is wrong with what I have brought to the table.

Point out one thing I wrote that you can prove I'm wrong about. I was raised Catholic and taught that you are washed of all your sins upon repenting. You're gonna tell me I'm wrong? How could you possibly know that? God told you? For the record, the fact that you're a follower isn't what makes you unintelligent. It's this...

First- interpretation of ANY bible is entirely subjective. Anyone who continues to use it in arguing religion is not thinking.

Because in your self-righteous little mind you simply assume that I'm attacking you and your faith. There's a lot of stupid people out there. Giving them a book to follow and expecting them to know that they should ignore all the sadistic shit is very dangerous and extremely presumptuous. I'm not saying that every Catholic routinely holds "Stone a Homo" days.

Let me ask you a question though. As a catholic and I think a woman...non of that shit in that book bothers you? I mean it goes well beyond interpreting it subjectively, you pretty much just have to ignore it, I would think. What about Vatican pedophilia cover-ups by the Pope or the fact that they think you need to a penis to take on pastoral duties? How do you subjectively interpret that shit so it doesn't piss you the fuck off?

Aren't Christians supposed to accept and love all of God's creatures -- even preachy, beligerent atheists like Vandelay?

I'm not an atheist.

[Mr. Kruger]

I lived it, though. So I KNOW what I am talking about.

which begs the question- what the hell ARE you talking about?

I'm not an atheist.

Right, it's much safer to pretend.

[Vandelay]

Hey Faithstwin...what about orginal sin? Surely, you can't be a Catholic without believing in the Doctrine of Original Sin. Tell us how you subjectively interpret that to make yourself feel better about thinking babies are depraved. I'm genuinely curious.

[Jack Klompus]

"I'm not an atheist."

Are you a scientologist?

[Mr. Kruger]

Are you a scientologist?

Only if they serve vodka-flavored koolaid.

[Vandelay]

I'm a dontbeadickist.

[Jack Klompus]

"I'm a dontbeadickist."

And a hypocrite, apparently.

[Vandelay]

Right because I think it's funny how a movie portrays atheists I have to be one. Makes perfect sense.

[Jack Klompus]

"Right because I think it's funny how a movie portrays atheists I have to be one. Makes perfect sense."

"Be one" what? A dick or an atheist?

[Kenny Bania]

It is funny that you have people scoffing at a 77 virgin afterlife when they believe in a tacky gold street afterlife, a talking snake, walking on water, zombies, Samson ripping a lion in half with his bare hands, etc.

[Jack Klompus]

"It is funny that you have people scoffing at a 77 virgin afterlife when they believe in a tacky gold street afterlife, a talking snake, walking on water, zombies, Samson ripping a lion in half with his bare hands, etc."

The 77 virgins is no big deal. I scoff at the "no bacon, no alcohol" policy. Fuckin' wacky-ass Muslims.

[Kenny Bania]

Antiquated food rules. The people who wrote that had good intentions since wild desert area pigs are notorious disease spreaders. In other words "These idiots won't listen to us. Let's tell them God said not to eat swine." With our modern food preparation methods and pig feed - it's not as bad to eat pig.

Surprised they didn't say the same about shellfish. Shellfish eat all the shit in the ocean, and pig eat all the random shit on land. From a medical standpoint, neither are good for you... but fuck that noise. Can't live forever. Give me some bacon wrapped shrimp please.

[Assman]

Good stuff right here. Is it better to live it or read it?

[Kenny Bania]

If you haven't read it, it's impossible to live it.

Also, it's painfully obvious that a vast majority of people who claim Christianity have next to no knowledge of the Bible.