Oh Jeebus do I have a lotta problems with you people this year...
The Economy - I establish my first formal published grieve against
you, American Economy! Why the last few years? Why the constant
screwing of the middle class? I graduated college to look forward to
this bullshit? This situation is pissing me right off. I don't care
what the talking heads have to say about it, I just want whoever broke
it to pay dearly for it and fix it. I'd be more coherent and focused,
but I'm up to my ears in bullshit at my second grieve that you, the
economy, so happily bestowed me with.
My Effing Job - Now I know, I should be thankful for having a
position that I am overqualified for, underpaid at, overworked to the
bone on, and a death trap to travel to 90% of the time, but I'm not.
I'm fed up with micromanagement. I'm fed up with expectations that
can't possibly be met. I'm sick of motherfuckers calling me when the
G-D toilet needs plunged or someone puked in the fucking lobby. I
worked damn hard for my degree and it sure as fuck doesn't say
"Bachelors of Plumbing" on it. I make a living by listening to drug
addicts problems all day, and then I get to go home to hear everyone
else's problems all night. I can't watch any TV or do anything of
moderate interest because I have to be up at 3:45 in the fucking
morning to get to work on time! The next time someone sends me back
something I have filled out because they "can't read my signature" I'm
going to break someone's skull. News flash - You don't need 3 people in
a supervisor capacity that don't do shit besides shit all over everyone
else's work in a place that only employs 12 fucking people!
Glenn Beck, Larry King, Rachel Maddow, Keith Olberman, Nancy
Grace, and anyone else who is on a "news network" and not named Jim
Cramer - S.T.F.U. Please. Thanks in advance.
Colts Haters - Would you get over it? We are good, we've been
good, we are going to continue being good. Peyton is the best thing
that has ever happened to my sports life and I don't give a shit if he
makes weird faces sometimes. We are a disciplined team that doesn't put
up with bullshit from the players or anyone else within the
organization. That's why we are good! You don't want to respect it?
Keep using the Al Davis model and enjoy your 2-14 seasons from here to
eternity for all I care.
People who give me shit because I "can't like the Red Sox and the
Colts" - Go fuck yourself. I don't give a shit why you find it
impossible to like 2 teams from geographic regions. I like the Red Sox
because Indianapolis doesn't have a fucking baseball team asshats! I
keep up with the players, I watch the games, I care about the team. Bah!
That being said, The Boston Red Sox - You guys played with a much
heart and determination as Terri Schiavo this year. Jason Bay, you can
promptly fuck off, along with any other of you fucks who can't get
behind the idea of a team and can't get excited about winning. Its
unfair to the fans when you flame out like that.
Tiger - Just play golf dude. Really. Come to the mic, say you
fucked up, and get back to playing golf. Please. I don't want to
pretend like I give a shit about Y.E Yang playing golf.
HWBUTS - Shitting all over one of the only things I like about the internets? Not cool!
Lindsay Lohan/Britney Spears/Whoever Else - Get over it and do porn already. Its the the last bastion.
Lady Gaga - FUCKING. STOP. IT.
Facebook - I grieve because I care. I remember when it was a neat
little thing that you could use to keep in touch with people across
campus or in your classes in college. No, I don't want to see your 398
pictures of your new baby. Its ugly. No, I don't care that you are
"PaRtYiNg" tonight (as a matter of fact people who use capitalization
like that can jump into a huge pit of used needles from my clinic). NO,
I don't care that "life is only beautiful if you look on the inside of
blahblahblah you're sad and I'm supposed to ask you whats the matter. I
dooooo nooooot care! Give me back my neat little website that I could
check to see if the girl in my history 150 class was enough of a slut
to continue sitting next to all year. Thank you.
...Ok Grievers, I've spent enough company time here. Back to my
endless amounts of work. Now that the negatives are out, focus on the
positives for the rest of the year yea? Before the mound of shit that
is sure to be 2010 begins. Hug your kids and tip your waitresses!
Why does Jim Cramer not have to shut the fuck up?
Posted by: Vandelay | December 23, 2009 at 01:31 PM
I haven't done any good PaRtYiNg in a while. Maybe tonight I kick it in.
Posted by: Dr. Whatley | December 23, 2009 at 01:32 PM
Keep using the Al Davis model and enjoy your 2-14 seasons from here to eternity for all I care.
And you can suck my entire dick. Even the extra few inches I save for your mother.
Posted by: Assman | December 23, 2009 at 03:40 PM
That being said, The Boston Red Sox - You guys played with a much heart and determination as Terri Schiavo this year.
that's my answer to the redskins. i also have to stop following teams that have the word 'red' in their name.
Posted by: Mr. Kruger | December 23, 2009 at 04:15 PM
Yeah, the Colts are such a bastion of integrity and don't stand for any acting out from their players, which is why they are so consistently good.
Or maybe it's because they have arguably the best QB ever.
Nah, it's the former. They are still gonna be awesome when Manning retires.
Posted by: Newman | December 24, 2009 at 09:23 AM