Long time reader, barely a commenter, never a poster, and now a first time grievancer.
Myself- Get off your ass and do something! You are nearly 40 and on the same meds as your 64 year old father. You get winded shagging Vandelay's pop ups in whiffle, and you watch Biggest Loser while eating bowls of ice cream.
Vandelay- Stop your audacious bragging about whiffle to people who can't actually see you play. You keep pushing your luck and my first ever youtube post will be of you and your all too superior curve ball being slammed to pavement for a HR!
Media and Pop Culture- Really, the big story is some kid floating around in a damn balloon or Chris Henry falling out of the back of a pick up and dying?! How many soldiers died or were wounded in combat that day? Any of these people getting a movie of the week, but I am sure that balloon boy will be a Sunday night special sometime soon.
The Casino- So some fat bastard can't get his free buffet coupon to work so I have to get a phone call on a Saturday morning during my day off. The free breakfast isn't going to get the bank to remove the lien off this poor bastard's house so he has to take it out on me that his coupon isn't being redeemed.
The Steelers- I am sure Vandelay will have this covered, but a losing record against teams under .500 and a winning record against teams over .500. Pittiful.
Facebook- Should be called bragbook, hey look at me I am doing this and I am doing that. Half the shit people are doing makes it impossible to actually post on facebook at the same time, so stop lying. And if you are having so much fun doing something then why the fuck do you stop to put it on facebook. And how come there is no nudity?!
Burping- Why do burps have to taste so bad no matter what you eat? Is there any food that will actually give you good tasting burps?!
Post Sneeze blessings- OK so a little cliche since this topic was covered with the phrase "You're so good looking," but seriously why do we have to say anything after someone else sneezes? I don't say anything but when my wife sneezes people give me a look like "aren't you going to say something." Why? Nobody says anything nice after I fart and that is a bodily function that at times, I do find tough to keep in just like a sneeze, so why say something now?
The Kardashians- So your father is Bruce Jenner therefore you get a television show. Fine, I get it, sometimes the chics look hot and show cleavage. But now I have to watch CSI and there is a Kardashian in the show actually trying to act. Now we are reaching when these 'reality' people start trying to be on real shows. Next thing you know, one of those Housewives of Whatever is going to start showing up on Two and a Half Men.
Whistling Neighbor- This guy is one loud whistler but the worse part is he only whistles 30 seconds of a song and its the same 30 seconds over and over and over again for the entire day he is outside. Give me the whole damn song or move on to another one for 30 seconds.
I can only hope 2010 brings some new grievances for us all and they continue to be petty! Happy Festivus!!
Nobody says anything nice after I fart
Nobody ever said "good out" to you?
Posted by: Dr. Whatley | December 23, 2009 at 01:34 PM
Stop your audacious bragging about whiffle to people who can't actually see you play. You keep pushing your luck and my first ever youtube post will be of you and your all too superior curve ball being slammed to pavement for a HR!
This is actually a brilliant idea. I could rig up a camera on Willie and just make like a video compilation of all my K's set to some Rage Against the Machine. I'd hardly even have to do any editing! Then I could brag to people who have actually seen me play!
Posted by: Vandelay | December 23, 2009 at 01:46 PM
Good point, I have been on the receiving end of some "nice out" remarks.
Posted by: Brody | December 23, 2009 at 02:07 PM
Why do burps have to taste so bad no matter what you eat? Is there any food that will actually give you good tasting burps?!
Paul Newman's Balsamic Vinaigrette makes for tasty burps. The farts also have a distinct aroma to them. I enjoy emitting both after most of all Newman salad dressings (Balsamic and Ceasar are my two favorites).
Posted by: Kenny Bania | December 23, 2009 at 02:28 PM
I don't say anything but when my wife sneezes people give me a look like "aren't you going to say something." Why?
there's one here at work that sneezes all the time then looks at me impatiently as i ignore her ass. i'm an atheist for fuck sake i ain't blessing shit.
Posted by: Mr. Kruger | December 23, 2009 at 04:27 PM
Yeah, what's with "god bless you" after sneezing? Do people actually think you blow your soul out of your body when you sneeze? Do the religious really consider sneezing such a sin against the holy (made up) creator that they have to ask him to bless you? When someone around me sneezes I call it like I see it and say, "Please wipe that off my shirt"
Posted by: TFKoP | December 23, 2009 at 05:36 PM
Hey not everyone wants to be taken over by a devil when they accidentally sneeze their soul out
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