So, It's Come To This, Eh?

So, I guess we've become such a lazy ass society when it comes to parenting our brats that it comes to this. A program that teaches kids how to play outside?

Excuse me, but...

Are you fucking kidding me?

Upon actually reading the article past the headline, which would be very easy to do and pass judgement on (like I did), wait...yep...that's exactly what this article is about. Folks in Wichita, Kansas, (which hang at a level just above Benoit fan and Georgia, I presume), decided it would be a good idea to get people off their fat asses and connect with nature...and their families.

"We wanted to encourage families to spend time outdoors, get away from all that technology and get back to the creative benefits of outdoor play," said Layla El-Chami, a family and consumer science extension agent and one of the organizers.

Well, it has come to this. With all due respect to Ms. El-Chami, and I am serious when I say that I do applaud her effort to get fellow Kans-tards off the four week old crumpled Ruffles and move out of doors. However, last I checked, and I may not be qualified to say this because my testicles have dropped and I don't think girls have cooties anymore, but, I FUCKING FIGURED OUT HOW TO PLAY OUTDOORS WHEN I WAS A KID. Open the door, roll a ball out, look both ways for traffic and "ta-da"...Genius! I didn't need a class to show me the ropes on what grass looks like or what happens to frogs when you jam a hot fire poker up their puckered assholes...we went out and did it, damn it!

Sweet Jesus, I don't mean to get a riled up, but Kim kardashian's Krusty Sheets, man! I cannot believe that community organizers had to spend a good amount of time to develop a course that teaches kids and parents what fundamentally we as human beings have been doing since, ohh, I don't know, Adam was trying to finger bang Eve in the garden four thousand generations ago!

Pathetic. Again, nothing against the organizers, since they recognized the need to get these slugs moving, but, abso-fucking-lutely pathetic.

What say you, grievers?

P.S. - Names are names, and it is a kid and all, but do you think that girl got the name Taylah because pops is from the Northeast? Just a thought...

Comments

[Schmoopie]

"Taylah" is painful. "We like the name Taylor but we really want a girly name like Kayla, so we're going with Taylah. We want to make sure she spends a lifetime spelling her name and clarifying that no, she's not from Maine and her name isn't Taylor."

[Vandelay]

What say you, grievers?

Well Dr...I suppose I'll have to concur. Of course, we had three TV channels and a busted up Atari if we were lucky so as a parent, I can see how that's more of a challenge these days. A course to teach it is just crazy though.

[Dr. Whatley]

"We like the name Taylor but we really want a girly name like Kayla, so we're going with Taylah. We want to make sure she spends a lifetime spelling her name and clarifying that no, she's not from Maine and her name isn't Taylor."

Well, dad's name is Jeremy. A name that kind of reeks of hat backwards, Hollister t-shirt douchebag itself.

A course to teach it is just crazy though.

Exactly. They could have had that class in 12 seconds had my father circa 1981 taught it. "Here's a Tonka truck. Now, get the hell out of the house, kid". That might be six seconds actually.

[Vandelay]

Right. My dad put up a basketball hoop and I didn't see him for three months.

[Mr. Kruger]

It's truly bizarre how pathetic things have gotten in just a few generations. The worst hell imaginable for me was being stuck indoors- home or school. It destroyed me.... then again we didn't have internet porn back then so I can't be overly critical.

[Dr. Whatley]

...then again we didn't have internet porn back then so I can't be overly critical.

But we did have Penthouse and Playboy. Well, my old man did anyway. The articles back then were pretty good too.

[Mr. Kruger]

But we did have Penthouse and Playboy.

Those were the days, when you could get a raging redwood from a Playboy mag. Now, I barely get chubbed watching videos of sorority babes jam their tongues up each others ass. Isn't this how Rome fell?

[Assman]

...but Kim kardashian's Krusty Sheets...

KKK sheets? Not subtle. Not at all.

"We wanted to encourage families to spend time outdoors, get away from all that technology and get back to the creative benefits of outdoor play," said Layla El-Chami, a family and consumer science extension agent and one of the organizers.

Couple of thoughts.

Another negative aspect of technology is that parents also have immediate access to every news story in the world about how crazy people wander about, steal kids and make them fuck dogs on the internet. Granted, when we were kids, people stole kids and made them fuck dogs, but parents were less paranoid about it. I can see why they might need encouragement.

If I had MySpace or the internet when I was 8, I might have never stepped foot on a basketball court. Between YouTube, titties and Fark, I'd have been content with a feeding tube. The kids might need an incentive because the outdoors' competition is fucking incredible these days.

[Kenny Bania]

I grew up with Nintendo 8 bit. My aunt specifically didn't allow my cousin that's 10 years younger than me to ever have a game console. He just got a full ride to Rice, which is apparently a college in Texas somewhere.

I would go play outside voluntarily sometimes. Those were the days where we had to go to the woods to find porn. No getting around that.

[celebrities exposed]

Everybody was kids. Don't blame kids in anything. Blame adults.

[Anabolic Steroids]

I don't know what these parents are who use the software!