The Airing of Grievances: Bat-Guano Nuts

About a week or so ago, when the world was being over-served on all things Michael Jackson and all that crap, some woman nobody had ever heard of went all Islamic-Jihad (allegedly) on an ex-NFL Quarterback in the skull and chest...two times in each.

Now there is this. Arturo Gatti, a boxer I've never heard of because, quite frankly, the sport of boxing has been meaningless to me since Mike Tyson had Evander's Real Deal Meal back, oh I don't know, who the fuck cares. Anyway, Gatti was allegedly strangled by his hot wife while he was passed out in a drunken stupor. Lord knows why she did it (allegedly), but I fear there is something larger at stake with all of this.

We can throw all the morality shit away at this point, because it is not pertinent to this discussion. Is a married former professional athlete (or anyone for that matter) wrong for having an affair outside of his marriage? Absolutely. Is physical abuse a correct way of dealing with problems within a marriage? Nope. But then again so is killing another human being for whatever reason.

No, the real issue here is that these not so isolated incidents prove one thing that all males over the age of 25 should realize by now to keep them out of situations like this. Early 20-something, very attractive women are fucking bat shit insane. After years of having men ogle them sporting half-chubs and having everything handed to them because the good Lord brought some great genetic code to the party, being told something they don't want to hear clearly sends "el chemical imbalancia" into overdrive. Don't believe me? Go to your local wanna-hump-hump dance club on a weekend and watch the alcohol be consumed by some of these raving psychopaths. In this case, no doubt about it, here are exhibits 1,098,455 and 1,098,456.

Memo to all professional athletes that like to tap the cervix with these lunatics...move on. Break it off. Find a nice 30 or 40 something woman who has already gone through the nutjob stage and pile drive THAT ass. Sure, you may have to trade off pure unadulterated hotness for saggy tits, roast beef meat curtains and a jelly belly. But for the price of not being strangled with a purse strap while sleeping, well, I'll go out on a limb and say, "it's worth it." There you go. That'll be $1,000.

Oh, and on a slightly more serious note, I love how both completely unhinged ladies have had people use the old standby of "She is very religious, so there is no way she could have done it" defense. Because we all know religion has played absolutely zero role in the deaths of anyone this side of Adam and Eve.

PS-One blogger knows the entire McNair story, too. Apparently, the rest of the blog world is a bunch of speculative assholes, but he might be onto something...

PSS - This was written tongue in cheek, people. If any bat shit insane 20 year old ladies would like, I am single and don't give a fuck. It's been waaaay too long and beggars can't be choosers.

7 Comments

"Arturo Gatti, a boxer I've never heard of"

That's disgraceful.

Posted by: Jack Klompus | July 14, 2009 at 08:06 AM

What can I say? I follow boxing as much as I follow bowling, croquet and soccer. Now ask me who the starting left fielder on the Washington Nationals is and I'll give you three reasons why he couldn't start on the Toledo Mud Hens.

Posted by: Whatley | July 14, 2009 at 09:37 AM