NBA Draft 2009... in 2009!

Yes, this is about the NBA Draft. No, I'm not offering excuses other than the one I gave last year. (Technically, it was the year before that.) Yes, I'm aware that you're probably not going to follow those links. No, I'm not worried that, if you do, you'll be able to tell me about all the stuff I guessed wrong. I already know I'm an idiot.

This year, I've stepped the game up a little bit. Instead of watching the game in my personal padlocked grotto, drinking beer furiously and eating entire pizzas between picks 9 and 12, I'm watching the draft with some folks from the Phoenix Suns at their NBA Draft Party.

More accurately? I'm watching the draft at Dave & Busters with some PR folks from the Suns and a few contest winners. I'm not the type of guy that gets invited to fancy soirees. And I'm only getting in because I was invited as a guest of the guy from the Cut Goran Dragic blog.

Another important nugget to bear in mind is that, for the last week or so, NBA TV has been replaying every NBA draft since 1980 in marathon format. I've watched them all. Some twice. Some three times. Why? (You sound like my wife...) Because I wanted to hear the experts' hyperbole and see how accurate it turned out to be with the added benefit of hindsight. Because I wanted to see what types of prospects defy the odds and succeed more often than others. And because with the American Idol season over, there is literally nothing else for me to watch on television. Summer schedules suck balls. Unless John & Kate Plus 8 is about a party at a swinger's house, I'm not tuning in. Football season cannot start soon enough.

(Plus, watching old TV can be fascinating. I was watching the draft from 1988 and the tape was so grainy that I wouldn't have been shocked to see murky footage of a sasquatch getting drafted with the sixth pick. Did we not have decent technology back then? Was Panasonic taking the year off? The film quality was so gritty that I was somewhat surprised to see Hersey Hawkins finish his interview with Craig Sager without being asked to take off his shirt and have anal sex with Seka. Jesus, guys.... maybe keep the videotapes off the radiator or something? Some of us wanted to watch this shit without having to take dramamine.)

So, what knowledge did my endless family-ignoring yield? For one, drafting for need is retarded. That's how you end up with Eric Dampier or Todd Fuller when Kobe Bryant is on the board. If you run a basketball team and you leave a good player on the board because you needed a big guy, make sure you ask your mom to help you mix up your pudding because I don't want you to accidentally choke on the top skin. Second, drafting safe players is equally retarded. That's how you get cartoon characters like Kerry Kittles when Kobe Bryant is still on the board. No employer has ever said, "Remember that time you made that decision that was a great idea in the short term and kept our ceiling exactly where it was? You're the best. Here's a raise." Third, when Peter Vescey speaks... you listen. You fucking listen. I have yet to have seen him recommend a player to a team and be wrong about it, including when he went on live TV and told John Calipari to draft Kobe Bryant.

(I'm going to try and let this Kobe thing go.)

Also, as a Pacer fan, there was a bit of catharsis involved in the process. Sitting through and re-living the George McCloud draft felt a bit like what I imagine the guys on Cheaters who watch the videotape of their wives sexing their best friends must feel like. "No, no... don't stop the tape. I needed to see this. I knew.... I... I fucking knew.... I'm gonna chew his throat out. Hey, I said don't stop the damned tape!"

Before we begin the show, a few quick comments about the events leading up to the draft:

1. Shaquille O'Neal got traded to the Cavaliers and, quite honestly, if his sad sack performance next season doesn't finally alert the league about the Suns' obvious use of performance enhancing drugs, nothing will. I've never seen so many 30-something year old basketball players run like they're ten years younger in my life. It's almost as if they're being coached by Steve Gutenberg. I'm 30, I moved to Phoenix a couple of years ago and the dry air hasn't done jack shit for my knees. Good luck, Lebron. I hope you know a very strong mortician that can help you drag his corpse up and down the court. Can you sign The Undertaker with the mid-level exception?
2. The Wizards traded a few homeless people and a draft pick to the Wolves for a two hobos in basketball jerseys. Personally, I thought human trafficking between slavery camps was illegal, but I guess they'll let it slide if it works under the cap.
3. Jamal Crawford got traded to the Hawks and most people couldn't force themselves to get emotionally involved in it even if a young Iranian woman named Neda got shot in the aftermath. And that should easily serve as my most tasteless comment of the night. You've got to challenge yourself from time to time. Raise the bar a little.
4. Vince Carter was traded to Orlando. This marks the first time in history a team has said, "Okay... we made the Finals last year. We might have won if we had taken ourselves seriously and actually put forth a professional effort. We ought to be ashamed of ourselves. Let's bring in Vince Carter and see if we can't turn the 'we don't give a shit' team culture around. This guy can light a fire under our asses."

And, with that said, let's climb into a bulleted format.

• As soon as we sit down at our table under the TV's, I notice that, with the din in the party, I can't really hear what the commentators are saying. This could end up being one of the best NBA Drafts ever.
  
• The folks at the door handed us draft scorecards so we'd have something to keep track of the picks on. The columns on it leave spaces for the player's name, school or country, position, height and weight. Really? Am I watching the NBA Draft or calculating everyone's BMI?
  
• As part of the deal, we're offered free food. We get to fill up two plates from the buffet with as much grub as we want. Uhhh... yeah. With the unofficial first pick of the night, Assman takes 2 Years Off of His Life Expectancy, from the University of Wisconsin. The Clippers are now on the clock.
  
• The commentators for the night are Jay Bilas, Jeff Van Gundy, Mark Jackson and Stuart Scott. Jay Bilas, as usual, is sitting at the far right with Van Gundy as the white guy buffer between him and the other two. God, I hate him. Why do you even follow basketball, Jay? You're so transparent.
  
• In addition to the TV analysis, Scott Williams and Eddie Johnson are mic'ed up at the party to provide a bit of in-house analysis. Between the 6, I might have heard "long and atheltic" 100 times already. If I learn anything tonight, it'll be by accident.
  
• The folks on TV are talking about a potential trade of Amare Stoudamire to the Golden State Warriors. This, along with the Shaq move, seem to indicate that the Suns are now entering a rebuilding period and focusing on reducing their costs. This.... uh.... this might be a good time to mention that a few hours earlier in the day, I became a Suns season ticket holder. My wife thought it would be a fun gift. Is it too early to order a beer?
  
• Right now, ESPN is showing highlight clips of Ricky Rubio. I'll admit it.... Ricky looks exactly like my ex-girlfriend from college. Now.... tell me this.... who did I just insult there? Her, him or me?
  
• I miss Ricky. I should look him up on FaceBook.
  
• I mentioned that this is at Dave & Buster's, right? Okay, right now, there are people over in the games area shooting fake guns at aliens in the arcade. Can I ask why they're even here?
  
• I've had to yell "shut up" to Eddie Johnson twice already and we haven't even gotten to the first pick. I feel that I'm going to end this night a bit angry.
  
• David Stern comes out to give his opening smug monologue about how well the NBA is doing, despite its critics. (And, of course, the "facts".) Every year, he looks more and more like Emperor Palpatine's offspring if the mother was a frog. That last sentence requires a bit of imagination.
  
• According to the ESPN crawl, the Clippers need to "reduce the log jam in the front court." Whoa, guys.... can we keep it PG-13? Thanks.
  
• The guy at the table near me hears that the Clippers choice was Blake Griffin and he says, "See? I told you." Really? They announced that pick a month ago. This is what you get your jollies from being right about? I'm going to hate him before the night is through.
  
• Memphis is on the clock. My waitress must be related to Blake Griffin because as soon as they made the pick, she apparently quit her job and disappeared from site. I've never been so thirsty.
  
• Memphis goes with the 7 foot Nigerian, Hasheem Thabeet. There are very few things in life you can be completely sure about, but the fact that this guy must have a foot long cock is one of them. I've never seen a more obviously heavy-cocked guy in my life. There's a small chance his balls get drafted with the next pick.
  
• He's being interviewed right now and I can't understand a word he's saying. This is the blackest man alive. Tiny Lister and Bernie Casey have got to give up the crown. Sorry guys. You had good runs.
  
• James Harden gets drafted by Oklahoma City. Festive. He's wearing a suit that makes me wonder if he's a basketball player or an eccentric inventor from 1890. I'm already enjoying his career.
  
• Jay Bilas says that this pick comes as a shock to him. So... the guy is the best player available and he fills the exact hole that they have in their roster, but this doesn't make any sense to Jay? Can he just die of a mayonaise overdose already? Can he hang himself in his closet with a pair of khakis? Isn't there a Billy Joel album he'd like to listen to while slicing his wrists in a bathtub? Get this man off my television!!
  
• Tyreke Evans gets drafted by Sacramento. This is a rare combination of "not the best player available" and "fills no needs on the roster." I'm amused. To celebrate, I loudly remind my Suns fan companion that they drafted Armon Gillam ahead of Scottie Pippen. This doesn't go over well.


• Seriously, I'm really thirsty. How long are the coke stall lines in the bathroom? My waitress has to show up eventually.
  
• Ricky Rubio gets drafted by Minnesota. They now lead the league in Jonas Brothers. Bask in that one, ladies.
  
• They're showing more Ricky Rubio highlight clips where he's dribbling behind his back and passing the ball with his left hand over his head. Everyone oohs and ahhs. These people have clearly never played basketball. This guy is about to get drafted into the NBA with a highlight reel of shit that every teenager learns how to do when they're 13. The stuff Jason Williams used to do? That was fancy dancing. This guy just plays like an asshole.
  
• The Suns Gorilla just showed up to the party and he immediately heads over to the bar to chat up a few ladies. "Hi. My name is Oog. I flip on a trampoline for a living. Can I buy you a banana daquiri?" What a jerk. What kind of loser goes to a party like this and just starts hobnobbing with ladies that obviously want nothing to do with him? It's so unbecoming.
  
• With their second pick, Minnesota takes.... Johnny Flynn? Are we sure Kevin McHale isn't still running the team? Two point guards in a row?
  
• I just sent my first "what the fuck?" text message of the night. I'm glad I upgraded to the unlimited plan. What a dumb move. Are they targeting Michael Jackson at 18? And with that, we have supplanted the previously noted most tasteless comment of the night. (By the way, I got more texts today about Michael Jackson dying than I've ever gotten in my life. Are we sure everyone agreed that he was a weirdo and wrote him off 15 years ago? Obama could die and I can't imagine there being more of an uproar about it.)
  
• For the record, that little Rubio/Flynn draft combo just destroyed everyone's mock drafts for the night except for that one lady in your office that doesn't follow sports, but tends to frequently win your NCAA pool. What was the logic behind this?
  
• Ric Bucher just went on TV and announced that he has confirmed that the Minnesota Timberwolves did indeed intend to draft both of those redundant players back to back. The look on his face says, "I'm pretty sure this is the first time in history anyone has ever had to get on camera to report that a team drafted a player on purpose. You guys know I'm taking a vacation after this, right?"
  
• Golden State drafts Stephen Curry. Stop drafting point guards! I want Brandon Jennings to fall to the Pacers at 13!! Two quick stories.... in my re-watching of old drafts, I watched the day Stephen Curry's dad, Dell, was drafted. Do you know what the announcers were saying about him? Good scorer... will struggle to find a position in the NBA... not sure if he's a good enough leader... struggles with shot selection.... basically the same thing everyone says about Stephen. If you're the kind of person that likes to use historical analysis to determine whether or not a player should be good for 16 a game, you ought to feel pretty good about this pick. In a related story, Brandon Jennings scouting report says he's lightning quick, super athletic, has a suspect jumpshot fron 18 feet and needs a bit of seasoning before he'll be a competent guard in teh NBA. The exact same scouting report as the one they gave Kevin Johnson in 1987. Please, please, please... let this man become a Pacer.
  
• Stephen Curry's "must improve" is "decision making." I disagree. Every time he has the ball, he should be shooting it. Stop making decisions - start jacking the ball. Ask your dad. Thank me later.
  
• How did Minnesota not take Stephen Curry? Someone explain this to me. I'm looking forward to reading various Minnesota bloggers ragging on their team tomorrow. Maybe I'll get lucky and find a person ranting in a creepy night vision video while doing the watusi. That could be fun. (Side note.... what's creepier than night vision? You could see a cupcake in night vision and think it was possessed. Night vision even makes porn unwatchable. Porn! That's powerful creepy!)
  
• Earlier this week, I was watching Maniac Cop 2 and marvelling at how much I was enjoying the simple plot. Cop turns into a super zombie, goes bad, starts killing. Makes me wonder why there aren't more Maniac movies out there. Would you watch a movie with a Maniac Fireman? Maniac Financial Analyst? Maniac Marketing Coordinator? Of course you would. And no, this has nothing to do with the draft, but would you rather read about the ubiquitous nature of the Maniac Cop plot line, or read about my description of my trip to the restroom? There you go.
  
• The Knicks draft Jordan Hill, aka Not Jennings. Just for the record, my buddy here is nailing the picks right now. The Flynn thing tripped him up, but he's called every other pick accurately. About a month ago, he became a full time Twitter junkie. All he does is stare at basketball feeds like lines of code in the Matrix and sort out what all the little factiods add up to. Anything that ever happens, he knows about 2 minutes prior. It's like being friends with David Alridge or a Japanese sensei.
  
• I am thirsty!! Let's hope that, at pick #9, Toronto drafts me up a cold beverage or two.
  
• Nope. Demar Derozan. I guess they weren't that turned off by their first stint with Vince Carter.
  
• Scott Williams is talking into his microphone. Someone must have accidentally asked his opinion about something. Either way, I think he's drunk. He's slurring his words and despite starting the sentence by describing Demar Derozan, he's ending the sentence with an incoherent rant about people knuckling up in the playoffs. Would someone get that man over to the pop-a-shot so he can occupy himself for a bit?
  
• The Bucks ruin my hopes and dreams by drafting Brandon Jennings. Fine. Jeff Teague is still around. We can make this happen.
  
• The same guys on TV that were raving over 18 year old Ricky Rubio's fancy passing are now tearing apart Brandon Jennings for being too flashy and unready for the pros. Do they even watch basketball? Or do I not understand the difference?
  
• The Nets continue to believe that Yi Jianlian is an NBA basketball player and draft Terrence Willams as a complementary piece around him. The whole concept of drafting the best player available is being raped in a hallway right now.
  
• Charlotte drafts Gerald Henderson and who fucking cares? The Pacers are now on the clock and Jrue Holliday and Jeff Teague are the best players available. They also happen to fill our positional needs. I'm feeling good. Despite my thirst.
  
• While I nervously await the draft pick, I apparently win a door prize raffle and get a Jared Dudley autographed Suns hat. Positive omen? Sure, why not.
  
• TYLER FUCKING HANSBROUGH?!?!
  
• While I writhe on the floor in disgust, the guy at the table behind me bellows "They coulda got him way, way later, man! There were soooo many people better than him!" If I wasn't holding back a mouthful of vomit, I'd have choked him out. Tyler's "must improve," by the way, is "finishing above the rim." He's 6'9" and has trouble dunking. Welcome to the Pacers, Tyler. Can I get you a guaranteed contract? A Sprite? Anything?
  
• GOD!!! FUCK!!! PUSSYFUCK SHITHEAD!!!! FUCKLIPS ASS TO THROAT!!!!!!! GAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
  
• Nobody gives a fuck about me and my piss poor team. The Suns are on the clock, and they draft Earl Clark. The room gets eerily quiet. That's not the reaction you wanted.
  
• Suns GM Steve Kerr just called the room and is speaking to us on the intercom. He's finding time to say words other than "I'm" and "sorry." This is not going to be a fun year. Have a I mentioned that I'm a season ticket holder?
  
• First, the Raiders drafted Darrius Heyward-Bey about 35 picks too early. Now, the Pacers draft Psycho T even though he's not an NBA player. I don't deserve this!! Fuck this Jared Duley hat!! Fuck it hard!!!!
  
• Tyler Hansbrough has a body that would look awful even if he was just playing softball. He looks like the offspring of young Tom Hanks and a flopping fish.
  
• Oh, and in case you're wondering if the Earl Clark pick went over well with my friend? Nope. This is going to be a long, pissed off drive home.
  
• Detroit takes Austin Daye. Isn't Jared Jeffries already in the NBA? Did we have to do this again?
  
• My entire LIFE hurts. Hansbrough looks like a 6'9" Down Syndrome baby. Dear god, I hope this man proves me wrong.
  
• Dick Vitale was apparently reminded of the terms of his contract with Satan and immediately gets on TV to start singing the praises of the Duke and Carolina players that were drafted. He says Hansbrough is a real winner. What doesn't he add? That Hansbrough looks like a 7 year old boy with rubber bones.
  
• And if I get one more text about this pick, I'm going to crush my phone with Hasheem Thabeet's cock. I'm exhausted from the anger.
  
• Chicago drafts James Johnson, who is the 2nd best player available from Wake Forest tonight. All common sense has been decried tonight. Who's in charge here?
  
• The 76ers take Jrue Holliday about 10 picks later than he had any business sitting in the waiting room. You guys win the draft. You win.
  
• Minnesota's on the clock again. They've already got 2 point guards tonight. How about drafting Teague, guys? Keep the streak going?
  
• Nope. Ty Lawson. So, not only do they keep drafting point guards, but they're not even drafting the best points available. This is really happening. I'm not inside a video game. How is the announcing team not tearing this to shit?
  
• Ah, he's being traded to Denver. Okay - I'll reschedule my aneurysm.
  
• Atlanta takes Jeff Teague. Perfect. Best player available and he fills a need. I'm envious of the intelligence of the people of Georgia, which is not a common emotion for me.
  
• Utah drafts Eric Maynor. With Hanbrough off the board, he was the best underwhelming prospect available.
  
• I'm so thirsty that my chest hurts.
  
• Eddie Johnson just announced that the Suns may be getting Stephen Curry as part of the trade for Amare Stoudemire. My season tickets may not be a complete wash then.
  
• New Orleans takes Collison. Since I couldn't give a shit, I now present to you the analysis from the asshole at the table behind me...
  
• "Yeah, yeah, he nice and all, but do he ball like a soldier? That's what I'm talkin' bout! He need to ball like a soldier! He got him a little jumpshot and now it's all heat up in his game? Chill, son. He need to take it to the rim like it's war. Like he a soldier. Like he be Iraqin' them. Get it right, ya heard?"
  
• The mood of the room picks up a bit with the Curry announcement. I'm hoping the Pacers will announce that their draft pick was actually announced by Ashton Kutcher and that we're really taking DaJuan Blair or something.
  
• Portland drafts Victor Claver. And for the first time tonight, I've got to consult the media guide to see who someone is. Why would they have traded up to draft a guy that would have been available at their previous cheaper draft position? And why would we use the #13 pick to draft a guy that has trouble dunking at 6'9"? I can keep talking about this all night.
  
• Sacramento drafts Not Dejuan Blair. They grab a guy from Israel. I hope California doesn't have strict machine gun control laws. He may demand a trade.
  
• Dallas has some great options here. And... they choose BJ Mullens. Not bad.
  
• Oklahoma City can draft Dejuan Blair or Chase Budinger here. Oh, and after I went to the bar to get my drink refilled, the waitress came over and asked if we needed help with anything. So, there's that.
  
• The Thunder shose Rodrige Beaubois. Not only have I never heard of him, but I've also never heard of his country. Where the hell is Guadalope?
  
• Chase Budinger is drinking scotch and calling ex-girlfriends right now. I know it.
  
• Chicago drafts Taj Gibson. I'd like to see a live feed of Dejuan Blair's house right now. I'll bet that's good TV.
  
• Memphis takes DeMarre Carroll who is a more expensive version of Renaldo Balkman. Think on it. Feel it out.
  
• Minnesota is on the clock and we're out of point guards.
  
• They go with Wayne Ellington, which is just a refill on the Rashard McCants pick from 3 years back. "Is your shooting guard running low, sir? Would you like me to top it off? What were you having? An athletic UNC shooting guard that can't shoot very well? Here you go."
  
• In defiance of all logic, the Knicks are trading FOR Darko Milicic. Here, I'll type that again in case you were skimming.
  
• In defiance of all logic, the Knicks are trading FOR Darko Milicic.
  
• The Knicks then draft Toney Douglas. We've reached the point of the draft where we're out of good players. We're just drafting black dudes. If my brother goes in the next round, I won't be surprised.
  
• So... Shaq is this great player and all, but why don't we ever hold the fact that he had great teammates all the time against him? Penny Hardaway, Kobe Bryant, Dwyane Wade, Stave Nash and now Lebron James? Has he ever had to win a title on HIS own?
  
• Cleveland is on the clock. Can they draft a 7 foot long gurney? Maybe a large bottle of embalming fluid? Shaq is done, baby! Done!
  
• Er... they take Christian Eyenga? And he's in the building? From the Congo? This guy isn't even in the media guide! Luke Harangody is in the media guide and he withdrew from the draft! Jonas Jerebko is in the media guide and he's Jonas Jerebko! This guy was just plying casual ball in the Congo and he gets drafted? His highlight reel looks like B-roll from The Air Up There! What's going on?
  
• Jay Bilas is now saying Dejuan Blair belongs in teh 2nd round because he isn't the claiber of player that he needs to be. Has Jay ever been a guest on Fox & Friends? I can see it happening.
  
• I'm going to bed.

Comments

[jackie]

So, what knowledge did my endless family-ignoring yield? For one, drafting for need is retarded. That's how you end up with Eric Dampier or Todd Fuller when Kobe Bryant is on the board.

Bowie/Jordan.

Unless John & Kate Plus 8 is about a party at a swinger's house, I'm not tuning in.

Never heard of this John & Kate thing until yesterday.

Does that say something about me?

[jackie]

Third, when Peter Vescey speaks... you listen. You fucking listen.

Fourth, when Peter Vescey writes...you don't fucking read...unless you want your head to hurt. He is gawd-awful. Tries way too hard.

[jackie]

One last point, just wondering since John Thompson caught so much shit for consistently relying on the bruthas at Georgetown, when does Larry Bird start catching shit for consistently thinking that Hickory High can somehow win in the NBA?

[Art Vandelay]

No time right now as I'm off to hang out with a bunch of polyethylene farm animals again but I'll just say well done in advance.

[Assman]

...when does Larry Bird start catching shit for consistently thinking that Hickory High can somehow win in the NBA?

I'm glad this came up. According to the Pacer press, he likes to rely on "proven athletes with good college pedigrees and hardworking values." That's code for "guys who are never going to be much better than they are right now." That's how we ended up with both Rush brothers and Roy Hibbert. Is it so much of a stretch to think that a guy like Bird who made a career out of the three-pointer would occasionally go for a high-risk, high-reward long shot?

Tyler Hansbrough is the epitome of this. It was either going to be us or the Jazz that took him.

[Jack Klompus]

"Is it so much of a stretch to think that a guy like Bird who made a career out of the three-pointer would occasionally go for a high-risk, high-reward long shot?"

Al Harrington? Jonathan Bender?

[Assman]

Al Harrington? Jonathan Bender?

Larry didn't draft those guys.

[Jack Klompus]

"Larry didn't draft those guys."

Not, not technically. But no way those were all Walsh decisions. Sure, he was the GM. But it was pretty well known that Harrington was Bird's wish from the onset. And then you have Bender, Foster, and Croshere. Don't tell me those choices weren't heavily influenced by Bird the coach.

[Assman]

Not, not technically. But no way those were all Walsh decisions. Sure, he was the GM. But it was pretty well known that Harrington was Bird's wish from the onset. And then you have Bender, Foster, and Croshere. Don't tell me those choices weren't heavily influenced by Bird the coach.

One more quick anecdote from last night. On one of the TV's in the room, the Diamondbacks were on. At a point, there was a shot of Dan Majerle sitting in the stands, reading texts and drinking a beer. Dan Majerle is an assistant coach for the Suns, who were drafting that night.

Coaches don't always get to make the picks. Especially when the GM's are as notoriously powerful as Donnie Walsh. In fact, Larry Bird has publicly come out and said that the alst 2 years he's been excited to finally get to make decisions about the basketball players on the team. First order of business was paying Tinsley to stay home. Second was the rebirth of hickory while playing Obie Ball.

[Dr. Tim Whatley]

"Yeah, yeah, he nice and all, but do he ball like a soldier? That's what I'm talkin' bout! He need to ball like a soldier! He got him a little jumpshot and now it's all heat up in his game? Chill, son. He need to take it to the rim like it's war. Like he a soldier. Like he be Iraqin' them. Get it right, ya heard?"

I see Kellen Winslow was the asshole sitting at the table behind you.

[Jack Klompus]

"Coaches don't always get to make the picks"

Most don't at all (see: Rivers, Doc). But Bird was signed as a coach for two main reasons: 1. hype, 2. to take over for Walsh within 4-5 years. Given his personality, there was no way Bird was walking into that job without a big say in the personnel.

I'm not saying he's done a good job. But he has taken chances (though mostly outside of the draft). Stephen Jackson was a high-risk, high-reward option (that obviously didn't pan out). Ditto Ron Artest, which incidentally evolved into Bird's most disastrous management decision.

[Vandelay]

What kind of loser goes to a party like this and just starts hobnobbing with ladies that obviously want nothing to do with him? It's so unbecoming.

Couldn't think of anything better to do with that right arm than just leave it dangling in between you and the smoking hot blonde cheerleader standing right next to you?

[Vandelay]

I'm envious of the intelligence of the people of Georgia, which is not a common emotion for me.

We don't need to rescind the tag, do we?

[Vandelay]

Has he ever had to win a title on HIS own?

Has anyone really though?

[jackie]

Has anyone really though?

Roger Federer.

[Hog Jowls]

Roger Federer was dynamite on those ABA teams back in the day. something like 35 ppg? the exact number escapes me but the man could straight up ball!

[jackie]

Hog Jowls droppin' knowledge!!!

God Bless The Red, White and Blue!!!!!

[Jack Klompus]

"Roger Federer was dynamite on those ABA teams back in the day."

Please. He couldn't hold Coffee Black's jock. Especially once Monix joined the Tropics.

[April]

Longest post in the history of blogging. Period. And that's all I've got to say about that.

[Vandelay]

You apparently never made it around to Assman's Festivus grievances last year.

[April]

I made it. But if I recall, didn't he break it up into something like 3 different posts? Or was that the year before? Either way, I couldn't read this post in it's entirety because I don't have enough interest in basketball to read this whole damn thing. Football, sure. I could read articles/blog posts on football all day long, which I've been known to do during the season.

But knowing Assman, this post was full of some funny shit. Because he's just one hell of a funny guy like that. And no, he didn't pay me to write that. ;)

[Assman]

Longest post in the history of blogging. Period. And that's all I've got to say about that.

I can't win. I either don't write enough or I write way too much. I'm just not a 200 words every day of my life guy.