Steers, Queers, and Chuck Mother @#$%ing Norris

It would be hard for me to add too much more hilarity to the idea of Chuck Norris leading a revolt against a government that's been in office for like fifty days so just do yourself a favor and read this…

When I appeared on Glenn Beck's radio show, he told me that someone had asked him, "Do you really believe that there is going to be trouble in the future?" And he answered, "If this country starts to spiral out of control and Mexico melts down or whatever, if it really starts to spiral out of control, before America allows a country to become a totalitarian country (which it would have under I think the Republicans as well in this situation; they were taking us to the same place, just slower), Americans won't stand for it. There will be parts of the country that will rise up." Then Glenn asked me and his listening audience, "And where's that going to come from?" He answered his own question, "Texas, it's going to come from Texas. Do you agree with that Chuck?" I replied, "Oh yeah!" Definitely.

Now the notion of some kind of crazy coup d’état by a bunch of pissed of righties whose party has been brainwashed them into believing that the POTUS is some type of mixed-breed Muslim/Commie is certainly no laughing matter. It’s a bit scary as a matter of fact. However, the idea of the revolution being led by Chuck Norris is more than likely the funniest thing you’ll hear this week because:

a) Is there any doubt that the rocket scientists in Texas would rally around Chuck Norris in a heartbeat without even considering that he doesn’t actually have experience with such a thing other than maybe the time he went into Vietnam and freed all of those POWs?

b) Does Chuck Norris hear so many Chuck Norris jokes that he actually starts to believe them?

No need to go on and on here. This thing just writes itself.

Comments

[Newman]

Oh my God.

OMG. Wow.

This is so awesome on so many levels. More levels than the Crash Man stage in Mega Man 2 where you have to use all of the level things to hover up the map.

[Newman]

I just can't get over this.

Hey Texas...please, secede. Please. And elect Chuck Norris as your president. We'll all be so jealous.

[H.E. Pennypacker]

Hey, if Texas (sort-of) produced as big a dolt as Dubya, I'd say pretty much anything's possible.

[Kenny Bania]

I just want to see Chuck beat the shit out of someone with an ab lounger.

[TMan]

If Texas were to secede, how long before the Mexican drug cartels took over? Three weeks?

[Jack Klompus]

"I just want to see Chuck beat the shit out of someone with an ab lounger."

How many times do you think he tried to bang Christie Brinkley on one of those Total Gyms? As many times as Mike Huckabee offered to blow him?

[Kenny Bania]

I'm sure he at least did some push ups with just his cock to try and entice her, but Chuck is a strange looking fellow. My question to you is that do you think Chevy banged her in the 80's? You can't fake that chemistry they had together on Vacation.

"Oh, no, that's a waitress. No, I was just ordering in. She's a pool waitress. I was ordering some fish for you, Audrey and Mom."

If Texas were to secede, how long before the Mexican drug cartels took over? Three weeks?

I'd take the Texans in that fight. Pretty sure it's a state law that everyone has to take a Basic Rifle Marksmanship course by puberty there.