Aaron's Personal Ad-monition

Aaron at Aaron Talks is an old-school boy of Jackie Chiles.  Not only is Aaron almost constantly thoughtful, he is always provacative.  You should check out his "talks about..." when you get a chance.  But more than that, any boy of Chiles is a boy of mine.  Those of you single cats out there can feel his pain in this grievance:

Aaron's Personal Ad-monition

Having recently re-entered the dating scene, I've been checking out the online dating sites to see what's out there. So my current beef (or beefs) is with many of the women who post these "searching for" classifieds. Actually, I'm not sure if it's a beef I have or just some pointed advice I offer today, but please adhere as one sees fit.

1. Please don't write in your profile that you are beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, cute, etc. Your picture is sitting right there in front of me and everyone else who logs on to the site. If you really are beautiful, then it's not really necessary to post that, correct? If you are beautiful/sexy, and you write it in your profile, it comes off like you're full of yourself. Why not wait on the compliment from someone who thinks it from your picture? That leaves me with the choice of either agreeing (thus making any compliment unnecessary, as you've shown that YOU already think you're great), or disagreeing, in which case you're deluded. Either way, there's nowhere to go but down from your attractiveness self-assessment. You're either full of yourself, or think you're much cuter than you are, neither of which are attractive qualities in a mate.
2. Hide the baggage until at least the third date. I know of no men who want to hear about how the last guy you dated was a dog and cheated incessantly throughout the 18 months of your life you dedicated yourself to him on the first date, and certainly not before we even meet. None of us were happy with our last relationship, that's why we're all single. If you can't keep it out of your mind for the 200 words you have to say something about yourself, I have no reason to believe you will be able to leave it behind when we meet. If half of your personal ad is talking about how you don't want cheaters, liars, backstabbing friends, and men who sleep with your sister while she was in town on vacation and passed out on your couch, the nice guys will see you as not ready for a new man, and the mean ones see you as a target; someone who will put up with cheating and abuse much longer than the average girl before giving up. We all have baggage, but you don't have to bring all 10 Louis Vutton pieces onboard as carry-on. Stow some of that sh*t below deck until we arrive at our final destination, or at least date #3.
3. Know thyself/ loosen up some of those requirements. I know, I know- you know what you want, and you're not settling for less. But your personal ad comes of as a little disingenuous when you post that you're looking for someone open-minded and looks don't matter as much as someone that treats you right, while your ad demands that only "white males, in shape, 6'2 to 6'5, making 100K+ per year, DD free, straight teeth, green eyes + blond hair, ivy league education". And especially when you're a 5'2 "BBW" and taking care of three kids while attending Jett school of cosmetology… you should not be surprised when the responses fail to roll in. You're probably missing out on the 5'8 receding hairline business school grad who wants nothing more than to roll around with you on your lay-awayed sofa and listen to you talk about your dreams of a career as a celebrity hairstylist. Plus, all the "white males, in shape, 6'2 to 6'5, making 100K+ per year, DD free, straight teeth, green eyes + blond hair, ivy league education" think you're shallow.
4. Finally, for chrissake, please don't state that you're looking for a husband. While that may be true, you're advertising for a first date, not a mail-order bride service. Most men I know that have been in a relationship over a year are scared to death of the M-word, much less a man who hasn't dated you. Most of us don't know that we're going to marry a girl on the first date, and the mention of it before the date comes of as a little psychotic. Certainly most of us over 25 are likely looking to date only people where we feel at least the potential of something long-term, but could we wait for the mozzarella stick appetizers to hit the table before hammering out the conditions of the prenuptial? Seriously, even men looking for a wife would be scared off by a girl who posts a picture, 3 hobbies, and a request for a marriage proposal. You'd scare off less men with an ad that stated you've recently shaved your pubes to rid yourself of a particularly itchy case of the crabs but are open to grab a cup of coffee and "see where things go".

Happy hunting, happy holidays.

Comments

[Jackie]

Just so the rcord is clear, Aaron is the type of dude that girls pay to get a piece of.

"You're either full of yourself, or think you're much cuter than you are, neither of which are attractive qualities in a mate."

Or really insecure and trying to convince yourself that you're not a nasty sow.

"You'd scare off less men with an ad that stated you've recently shaved your pubes to rid yourself of a particularly itchy case of the crabs but are open to grab a cup of coffee and "see where things go".

So Aaron, you catch anything?

[ddd]

Poetry in motion.

[jerloma]

Feckin brilliant mate.

[Cozmo]

And especially when you're a 5'2 "BBW" and taking care of three kids while attending Jett school of cosmetology… you should not be surprised when the responses fail to roll in.

Plus, all the "white males, in shape, 6'2 to 6'5, making 100K+ per year, DD free, straight teeth, green eyes + blond hair, ivy league education" think you're shallow.

Aaron puts his finger on the pulse of the dating problem in our country.

[M. Butler]

The problem with the dating scene in New York is supply and demand. Girls always want whats hard to get. At this point, there is no demand for my johnson. I've had to artificially create demand at the clubs, but the 'tutes are expensive and dress poorly. In addition, they ask for advances at ackward times.

[asjwjhnm]

Bye for now. See you at the university.
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