The Airing of Grievances

Bring On The Faux Outrage!!!

Now for someone like myself who is fortunate enough to possess superior athleticism, hand-eye coordination, and sheer will...this really isn't a big deal. I can walk onto a bowling lane and throw a 200 blindfolded. So the Zen question of the day becomes, "Who is he offending"? Is it Special Olympians that would scoff at a 129 or is it non-Georgians who regularly bowl in that 129 range?

Either way, I blame the right. Palin promised she was gonna clean this shit up.

I Know What I'm Doing Today

If I ever meet any of you in person, make sure you ask me to do my Buffalo Bill impersonation. It's the only one in my arsenal so I need to squeeze every last drop out of it. In the meantime, just watch this little slice of awesomeness...

Man, some days I love me some internets.

What's Going On Behind You There?

Our former BFF showed up at a Turkey farm recently to pardon one lucky turkey in honor of Thanksgiving. As retarded as that may sound, it's apparently an important gubernatorial responsibility in "Real America." Afterwards, she granted an interview to a local TV station talking about her time out on the campaign trail and...wait...what the...no...NO...HE'S NOT GONNA...WHAT THE FUCK...OMG...NOOOOO!!!!

I've said it before and I'll say it again...Alaskans are fucked in the head.

(SOWT: Ocho via HuffPost)

I Know a Trend When I See It

I don't want to be the only guy that doesn't get kicked off the site this year, so here you go.

Things of note include:

1. a song that appears to be a musical hybrid of Wall of Voodoo and Oingo Boingo, except not in any kind of satirical way
2. a bass guitar straight out of a SkyMall catalog
3. Klompus's mother making a cameo at the 1:08 mark

Enjoy!

Finder's fee goes to Schmoopie

The Most Disgusting Segment In TV History

Peter King Final
by bsap11

This what I deal with ALL FUCKING DAY!!!

(SoJ: Awful Announcing)

Gold!

This video for a place called "Guido Beach" on the Jersey shore is a lot like Pulp Fiction in that you can watch it over and over again and keep picking up more and more of it's brilliance every time...

Guidos are the gift that keep giving for sure. I grew up surrounded by these people and the shit just never gets old. I'm not sure what my favorite quote is yet but for now I'll go with "I'm a girl's guy."

Don't deprive yourself of this masterpiece, folks. I'd never steer you wrong.

Hypothetically Speaking...

So lets say I'm in traffic on an L.A. freeway, creeping along at 5 mph while these douchebags are bobbing and weaving around my car for no other reason than, "they can." I have three options available at my disposal:

A. Casual indifference
B. Bow to their awesomeness and wish there was a way I could be that extreme
C. Make sure I properly closed that driver side door when I got in the car

The first choice appears to be the most practical but who feels like being practical when you're sitting in an L.A. traffic jam? I could go with B as I can confidently say this is something I'd never do but ultimately this guy is far too much of a douchebag to warrant my envy. That leaves C. Now, unlike some people, I don't think I could work up the nerve to door this fucker. However,if the justification for doing something that could result in someone getting seriously hurt is that it was rad...wouldn't that be like wicked rad?

From The "Funny is Funny" Files

This is fantastic (nsfw language).

(Thanks Ocho Ocho)

David Letterman Is The MuthaFuckin' Man

This is awesome.

I'm very surprised that she held up like she did.

I will also take this time to add that the fact that Jay Leno is more popular than David Letterman is a greater indicment on the collective intelligence of our country than the fact that George Bush is president.

The Most Awesome Thing You'll See Today

Again, I have to offer up my empathy to you jamokes that are firewalled from youtube because if you can believe it, this is even cooler than it sounds. Two words...Giraffe fight!

Somewhere...Michael Vick is foaming at the mouth.

(SOJ...Fark)