The Airing of Grievances

Really Texas...Really?

I can't with these people. I just can't. I'm still trying to find a way to believe this didn't actually happen but for now, I'll have to deem it to be true. A psychic called the police in Hardin, TX and told them that there's this mass grave with over 50 dead bodies somewhere up on some guy's property. What lead her to this conclusion? She's a fucking psychic!

Now, some people might think that it can't hurt to check it out anyway but those people are wrong and the reason they are wrong is that if cops should lend any credence at all to psychics who see crime scenes, why wouldn't they just hire fucking psychics to be cops? Is it maybe because it's all bullshit? No seriously...not a rhetorical question. I need to know this, now! Of course it gets better because when the local 5-0 arrive, they find some dried up blood on the porch of the house. Uh-oh...

State, local and federal agents combed the area around a rural home after a woman who claimed to be psychic called police twice to report the mass grave at in Hardin, Texas about 50 miles (31 kilometers) northeast of Houston. Soon, local media were reporting that as many as 25 to 30 bodies -- including children -- were found on the rural property.

Yes...the state police wasn't enough. They actually brought in the FB mother fucking I to investigate a god damned psychic tip. So how did the blood get there anyway you might ask?

Bankson told the KHOU-TV that his daughter's ex-boyfriend got drunk and cut his wrists a couple weeks ago and is now in a psychiatric hospital.

Of course. Fucking Texas, man. Steers, queers, and crazy people.

Should Have Went With "Palinesian"

Okay, so Uncle Cletus here wants to use the census as an opportunity to declare the South it's own race. I'm way too sick to provide any type of significant commentary here so I'm just gonna throw it out there as an excuse to use the Georgia tag. Fuck it, let's throw Florida and Texas in there too...

Yes! I Like Dead Offenders Too!

Good old Uncle Tedley.  On the one hand, he's batshit crazy.  On the other, I pretty much agree with everything he said.  So I guess I have that to deal with.  And on a side note, I can't tell if that reporter is squirming because he is extremely frightened or if he is extremely aroused.  Perhaps both.

The Future Star Falcon QB or Just a Misguided Adolescent Phase

I might as well as throw one in the pot while the roll is still on regardless of how inconsequential this is- it seems to fit in the AofG strain.  I guess the obvious question is what do you do if this is the kid next door?  Say he asks he asks your daughter out to the prom?  I mean, cutting the face off someones pet isn't something most kids have the stomach for.  This, no doubt, goes a bit beyond the usual hapless creature/bored youngster scenario. 

Which reminds me: Once upon a time a band called KISS came out with their Love Gun album so a bunch of us kids went on a neighborhood rampage against the toad/frog invasion in our block.  A lot of construction + a lot of rain= a lot of big puddles= a lot of frogs + summer vacation + boredom + 10-12 youngsters= frog rampage.  We killed dozens of them with rocks, bikes, bats, and fire crackers in the ass and mouth.  It was like the RI Rwanda for frogs except it only lasted for an afternoon then it got boring and we went back to smashing each other in the face and pissing all over the backhoes.      

So that has nothing to do with kitty killer, football, or your daughters but I can assure you I have yet to repeat that behavior.  The closest I came was getting way too drunk one night at a party and swallowing the host's kid's gold fish then trying to throw it up back into the bowl alive.  Turns out the kid didn't like that fish anyway.

Texas Taliban at it Again (A Quote Fest)

(As a preface, this is the first time I noticed we had a Texas category- makes sense.) 

So this dude Don McLeroy is a bible-thumpin' dentist who just so happens to chair the Texas Board of Education which just so happens to have direct influence into what gets put into the books that kids across the nation are given to read and that may include your little spawn units AofG parents.  ("Texas is such a huge textbook market that many publishers write to the state's standards, then market those books nationwide.")  Once again they're trying to get those dirty atheist science books changed to say that evolution isn't really evolution it's just pretend evolution and the real evolution is the evolution that was designed by the Great Master of the Universe and he will cut your little cold blue balls off if you don't FUCKING LISTEN TO ME!!

Take a good look at that pasty faced motherfucker-

here's some quotes from this human-crab and his soft-shelled friends.

"Ever seen a cat-dog? Of course not! That just proves it’s impossible for one species to evolve into another."

"We don’t have every bone, so the fossil record undercuts the theory of evolution."

"The human brain seems not to have changed since homo sapiens first appeared 150,000 years ago. That means evolution is false."

"A few scientists have fudged proof of evolution, so that calls into question all the other evidence."

As George Bush said, "As governor of Texas, I have set high standards for our public schools, and I have met those standards."

But I like the other George's (Carlin) quote better, "“You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans”

In honor of Texas and their world-class-intellectual-elites let's have a few more quotes that will do this wonderful state some justice.