The Airing of Grievances

This is Awesome

I know nothing of religion, nor can I intelligbly opine on any of the religious stuff anyone is saying here, but that does not stop me from confidently presenting this to you as A True Internet Gem.

(Thanks Vegas)

Death By Bible

In a shockingly proactive move, social services has decided to remove three girls from their parents after failed attempts to sustain their eleven year old diabetes-ridden sister's life through the proven healing power of prayer.

The family believes in the Bible, which says healing comes from God, Leilani Neumann said.

While I'm a little too pragmatic to fully comprehend the "power of prayer," I see religion as an interpersonal choice and as long as we mind our own business and stop trying to force our faith or lack there of on others, a whole bunch of bad shit can be avoided. If prayer in itself can comfort people and provide them some type of security to help them lead mentally healthier lives, I'm all for it. With that being said, I'm of the opinion that these fuckers should be locked up. What do the cops think though?

"There is no physical evidence of abuse or neglect."

Far be it for me to say what constitutes "physical evidence of abuse or neglect" but THERE'S AN ELEVEN YEAR OLD GIRL IN A FUCKING COFFIN!

Note to all fans of the bible: If you interpret this book literally, bad shit will always happen.

Note to people who believe in the healing power of prayer: Prayer and medicine don't have to be mutually exclusive. Perhaps instead of God just going all "Mr. Miyagi in the sky" every time someone asks for healing, he just gave us science and doctors and things of that ilk?

Regarding These Jesus Camps...

This is probably old but I just stumbled upon it. If I were to publically advertise that I run a camp whereby people leave me their children and I try my damndest to mold them into terrorists, wouldn't I be subject to some type of federal investigation? I mean, if I'm to flat out admit that my operation tries to emulate the ways of some radical middle-eastern religious cult which we currently consider to be the #1 threat to our freedom (allegedly)...aren't they shutting my ass down? How is this okay? I'd be willing to bet that half of these kids end up behind bars.

That Rowlings chick best watch her back too.

The Bible: Making Crazies Self-Mutilate for 2000 Years

The year 34 A.D. in a cave just outside of Nazareth...

Luke: Yo Matty...I was just going through some of your notes here and the thing is, they're gonna promote the living hell out of this puppy and we could be looking at some major circulation. Don't you think there's a chance this could get in the hands of some people that will take this shit just way too literally?

Matthew: I'm not sure what you mean.

Luke: Well, the self-inflicted amputation stuff for starters.

Matthew: Hey, here's a crazy idea...you worry about your book and I'll worry about mine. Word?

Luke: I'm just sa-

Matthew: Dude!

And...scene. I believe the part about the microwave was taken directly from Deuteronomy.

Also, in the Grave, Jerry Falwell is Frowning

In what can only end in a comedic disaster of epic proportions, the folks at the American Academy of Religion are meeting this weekend to discuss the effect that the Flying Spaghetti Monster has on the way people view religion.

Probably scheduled for asking:
1.) "Does intelligent design theory belong in science classes?"
2.) "Does parody demean the religious experience?"

Probably not scheduled for asking, despite the fact that it should be:
1.) "Time out. Do you think that somebody a few thousand years ago just made our shit up too? Are we also worshipping spaghetti monsters some kid invented, but don't realize it because it happened so long ago and we're too afraid of burning in hell to actually question it?"

Either way, I fully expect this to get some negative attention from the uptight people who pay far too much attention to this sort of thing to be considered healthy. Good times.

Where Was God?

Read the article, read the comments. I can't even begin to do this justice, so I won't even try. I'm just wondering where god was? (Thanks Ann Tye)

What's Really Up With God

Hat tip Davenyc.

More Bad News for the Catholics

You heathens may not remember this but back in 1999, JPII pronounced that hell was not a physical place but a symbol for the absence of God. Apparently, the current pope doesn't think this idea does enough to strike fear into the hearts of the wicked and simply enables the sinners to do their thing. In light of that, he has now confirmed that hell is in fact a physical place where non-repentant sinners will burn for eternity.

Hell is a place where sinners burn in an eternal fire, and not just a religious symbol designed to galvanise the faithful, the Pope has said.

So to recap...Hell is not a symbol. Sinners will enter the gates of Hades whereby they'll be condemned to a life of first degree burns, a constant barrage of pitch forks to the temple, and being gang raped by Hitler, Stalin, Pot, Hussein, Tom Brady, and Assman's brother.

Tread carefully, folks.

Sinners Welcomed

The Catholic Church is apparently actively solicting confessions. I'm not sure what I think about that, and surely it can't be worse than constantly seeking your money, but it does provide an opening for my non-religious self to ponder about the practice of confessing. Quite frankly, I don't get it. I mean, you sodomize a bunch of little boys and then go into a booth and confess to some dude in a black suit with a white strip around his neck, say your hail mary's or whatever and all is good with you and God? Am I missing something? WTF?

The Catholic Church Has Your Back

"New York City leads the nation in HIV cases. In 2005, 1,400 city inhabitants died of AIDS, the third-leading killer for residents under 65, behind only cancer and heart disease."

Yet Cardinal Egan and his ilk know what's best for us. Granted I don't have any use for organized religion, but I'm honestly wondering how this type of stuff is even remotely defensible? (Thanks ddd)