The Airing of Grievances

Even I'm Offended By This

So yeah...a church in Oklahoma has decided to erect a statue of The Crucifix with a huge, erect, cartoonish penis where J's torso is supposed to be that looks like something that Newman would spend 3 minutes photoshopping to kill time the next time his internet goes down. Well done, Oklahoma. Wouldn't expect anyone to notice. You're one more fuck up away from getting your own tag.

In case you're wondering...Real America is not at all amused.

Hat Tip to HowardinNYC for post title. Not that there aren't like 85 great ones for this. It's Friday afternoon...I'm lazy. GFYs

Not Enough O's in Smooooooth...

So I suck at writing captions and everything that I want to write keeps coming off as either chauvinistic or racist but fortunately, this picture pretty much stands up alone just fine.

Of course, we all know why that other guy is so amused.

Large Naked Black Men Steal Gisele

This is not gonna go over well in Boston at all.

Test

See what I'm sayin'?

I Swear I Did Not Touch Neil Diamond

The scene this past weekend for Mr. and Mrs. Vandelay’s 10th wedding anniversary was Boston, Massachusetts, topped off with a night of dulcet tones by the great Neil Diamond. This would complete my trifecta of seeing geriatrics in concert at venues that are home to sports teams that I absolutely loathe. We’d be joined by friends, Joe and Lisa. The concert itself was good…not great. It is Neil Diamond so there’s certainly a cheese factor in play but if you don’t take yourself too seriously, it’s kinda hard not to have fun. As you can see from that photo above, the crowd was old. Really old. Like Craig old. This pretty much squashed the possibility of getting stoned which really seemed like an obvious necessity to us for a Neil Diamond concert and every time I’m watching a Red Sox game and someone made a catch in deep right center field I could have remembered the time I smoked a joint in that very spot. Unfortunately, nobody was so much as drinking so we worked under the presumption that Joe pulling a joint out of his balls wouldn’t have gone over so well.

Without further ado, a pictorial review…

This Thing On?

What are we all frickin' CPAs around here? This place is a god damn ghost town.

Admittedly, I'm in a bit of a creative funk. For instance it just took me 20 minutes to come up with those first two sentences. I just tried for 20 minutes to come up with an analogy for a place that would be barren under certain circumstances and I got nothing. I can't even come up with an unfunny joke...an art I thought I had mastered. I blame it on the season. It's the late winter something or other.

Despite all this, I'm gonna go ahead and attempt to execute one of these here web logs. Someone's gotta do it. May as well be me. We don't want to turn into this guy.

So last night at around 10:15, I decided to drop the Wii remote and put on my cool dad hat. I figured I'd go outside in my 5 degree backyard and take some pictures of that lunar eclipse to show my kid this morning. Now, I actually have a really nice digital camera but I've never quite gotten motivated to learn how to use it. This is pretty much the case with all the technology I have at my disposal (except the Wii). Apparently, when you're taking pictures of the moon, you can't use flash. I couldn't figure out how to just turn the flash off so I went to "firework mode" which by my logic is the closest that this camera gets to "moon mode."

Montor Your Kid Retards

Maybe this is why the teachers can't keep their hands off the kids. When they go online to read the latest mathematics periodicals and double-check their facts from upcoming lessons against research findings from reputed information warehouses, they keep getting side-tracked by naked photos of their students. Who can resist that sort of temptation?

As an aside, does anybody know why, when I'm reading a news article about people doing some really low-class fucked up garbage, there's a 70% chance it's happening in Florida? Do they pump redneck hormones into the drinking water?

Somebody Is An Idiot

These pictures that Kanye West posted over at his blog have me thoroughly intrigued. Not because he plays Connect Four with Beyonce but because of the sheer lunacy in which the way this game unfolds. Let's break this down after the jump.

The Camera Loves You, Baby

There are 737 reasons I could never be a fire chief in Florida.

Reason #322 is that I'd have to live in Florida. Reason #608 is that I'm not really big on being around fires. Reason #46? I don't like it when people call me "chief."

And reason #737 (newest on the list) is that I'd get in trouble for doing this sort of thing too.

If I'm the guy whose job it is to take pictures after an accident, I'm at an accident scene and I'm holding a camera, the odds are high that I'm going to go ahead and take some photos. And if those photos just happen to feature a 26 year old woman's naked breasts, well... that's tantamount to the pizza delivery guy finally coming across a house where a young lady wishes to pay him via sex. You're basically looking directly at the daydream that makes getting up in the morning (and fighting fires in Florida around a bunch of people that call you "chief") entirely worth it.

Emailing the pictures is wrong though. That's where he crossed the line. And if he was masturbating at all? He owes somebody an apology. Maybe his therapist - I dunno.

Get To Work, Vandelay!

Just one more and I'm done. I swear. This picture makes me laugh. I was reading my wife's People magazine the other day and apparently JLH is all pissed off because some paparazzi took some pictures of her in a bikini and people were quite blown away by them. I guess people that care about these types of things aren't too happy with the progression from this to this. Although, I'm convinced that first picture is a wax figure.

In turn, JLH ain't too happy that people are all up in a tizzy over the size of her ass and went on a little tear condemning anyone who thinks a size 2 is unacceptable and she loves her body more than she ever has so you can all kiss her size 2 ass...or something like that. Although if she's so proud of her body I'm not sure why she lied about being a size 2 but I digress.

Back to the picture. I like to think that there are now just random fat chicks walking up to JLH on the street and planting big wet sloppy kisses on her for speaking out on their behalf. That has to be what's going on here, right?

Yes, Chiles. The answer is yes. You don't even have to ask.