The Airing of Grievances

Next Time, Buy a Fake

People who feel the need to show off elitism in any capacity, be it driving a douchey-ass Hummer just 'cause they're compensating, or chicks flashing huge fucking diamond rings simply for winning the wedding lottery, need to be dealt with.

I'm beginning to think that this couple falls into that category.

Apparently, they went off to the hickory sticks of Oregon to find their family a Christmas Tree. And rather than head down to the local Piggly Wiggly and pick up a nice Scotch Pine from the roped off joint with the drunks in the trailer, they had to go all Clark Griswold and hoof it up Mt. Hood to find a "rare" silvertip fir. Well, no shit, it looks like the couple has now ended up missing.

Again, they have four kids, he's a diabetic, she's about as useful in the wilderness as tits on a bull, this doesn't seem to bode well.

My problem isn't that they are lost. That sucks. My problem is that these are the type of people that feel the need to prove they have the coolest shit, just so they can say so, and in the process fuck everything up for tons of people around them. Not to mention, THEY GOT LOST LAST YEAR FOR FOUR HOURS DOING THE SAME GOD DAMN THING! And for what? A fucking pine tree? Please.

Good luck people. I hope they return safely, not so much for them but for their kids. But if they do return, I hope the authorities tie a tether on these folks' genitals  because they can't get out of their own way, all in the name of being douches.

Then again, now that I think about it, leaving the kids behind to get a Christmas Tree reeks of foul play. Isn't that a family event? Clark W. thinks so.

CNN...WTF?

Last night, we elected a black man to be the leader of the free world forcing millions of people to be overwhelmed with the feeling that the future crept up on us a lot faster than we could have ever imagined. It was pretty cool. Something we'll always remember vividly I'm sure.

Then CNN did this...

I wouldn't be surprised if a koala bear takes a run at 1600 in 4 years.

They All Look the Same to Me!

Close enough, right? That is Dwain Chambers on the cover of a (not very popular, relatively) Chinese Newspaper. Not a big deal, right? WRONG! Don't you speak Chinese? "Waffle, Hut, House, House, Person, House" is Chinese for "Especially Special", referring to the exploits of Usain Bolt (who just ran the 200m final and did pretty well...I won't post any spoilers). Dwain Chambers is not Usain Bolt. He doesn't look like Usain Bolt. He has no connections to Usain Bolt. He is currently banned from track for HGH use and was not even allowed to travel to Beijing, despite winning the UK qualifier. Right now he's writing a book in Spain.

All of this leads me to assume next weeks paper will have a picture of a random sprinter along with "House, Hut, Panda, Hut, Trees, Lake", which is Chinese for "Black Man Go Fast!".

John Edwards on Maury!

According to tomorrow's article (it's dated August 9th), John Edwards has admitted that the rumors were correct, and that he did indeed have sexual relations with that woman. However, he vehemiently denies the rumors that he has fathered a lovechild with her. However, is he telling the truth, or just trying to avoid having his prized rabbits boiled to death in his kitchen? Well, there was really only one way to find out...

The Latest Cover of The New Yorker Appears to be Inaccurate

Since when the fuck does Michelle Obama have a perm?

I Want to Kick this Retard in the Balls

scatological  mindlessness

Be Aware The Terrorist Fist Jab

I wonder if my nieces who are in grade school know they are supporting terrorism every time they work the terrorist fist jab with their soccer and lacrosse team mates.  I am so thankful that the uber-smart people at Fox News have uncovered this little known nefarious machination.  Read: Barack + Michelle = terrorism.  Bush + chest bump = football = America is Awesome = vote McCain. 

Do You Know That Women Have Small Brains

There a few papers I normally rely on for finding out what's going on in the world.  The Washington Post is one of them.  But today I read this article the Post published on their “most viewed articles” section on the front page and was left completely bewildered.  Yes, it is an opinion article and it is good to be exposed to a wide range of views and perspectives on any given subject in order to better understand this and that blah blah blah.  But this piece seems so over the top sexist that I started thinking what the hell kind of crap is this paper printing now. 

Part of the weirdness to it all is the fact that it was written by a woman.  I'm not saying that if it was written by a man it would be any less or more offensive- well maybe perceptibly more- but a woman.  Am I missing something here?

Here's some of things she says:

Heath Ledger Found Dead

So, Heath Ledger was found dead in his apartment less than 2 hours ago. Sad.

Equally sad? I read this on his Wikipedia page less than 90 minutes after he was found. That's too fast, man. I didn't need to know he was dead before his family could have been notified.

Lesson learned? Don't do drugs. Oh, and don't expect news to remain unreported for long. These fucking media jackals have resources.

Amen To That

It's been a while since we linked to a Matt Taibbi piece.  Those of us against going to Iraq from the get-go will enjoy his most recent effort.