The Airing of Grievances

Welcome to Law School

If you haven't read about Chris Rix's censorship campaign yet, then I implore you to go, and enjoy the spoils.

In the end, you sort of wonder if the guy understands how federal subpoenas work.  And, of course, that typing in all-caps doesn't make your claims any less asinine.

I'd almost like to see that get in front of a judge.  Top notch entertainment.

Lawyers

Jury selection. Oppossing counsel caucasian. Potential juror -- thin blonde southern woman about 45 -- asks to speak to us outside.

Woman: I have a problem with racism.

Opponent: This is not a polic brutalitiy case, it won't matter.

Chiles: Hold on, let her explain. Miss?

Woman: When I was a teenager I was abducted, held hostage and repeatedly raped by a bunch of black guys.

Opponent: But that has nothing to do with this case, wouldn't you agree?

Chiles (Incredulously looking at this shameless assclown.)

Woman: Maybe not.

Chiles (For some reason, perhaps temporary retardation, trying to be delicate): So, the race of any potential witnesses won't bias your view of their testimony one way or the other?

Woman: I'm not sure, I don't think so.

Opponent : Yeah, it's not a police brutality case.

Chiles (Wanting to smack this assclown and having had enough): What about the race of the lawyers?

Woman: Yes, that would pose a problem.

Opponent(Silent, Smiling, Horse's Ass)

Wonderful times.

All About The Benjamins

Courtesy of AofG Hall of Famer Bluehorshoe, this is Rich...Two court cases in America this week -- two very different defendants.

PARIS HILTON

* Drifted through a variety of private schools. Left with few qualifications.

* Home sex video made when 19 brought global fame.

* Caught on camera enjoying what appears to be gak and weed.

* A series of DUI arrests and driving while on probation lead to 23 days in jail.

* Released by LA sheriff after three days. Now back in a correctional facility but still able to call TV presenters with her story.

* Found God on the day her agents sacked her.

GENARLOW WILSON

* Star athlete and honours student in Georgia.

* Convicted of consensual oral sex, aged 17, with a 15 year-old girl, at a New Year's Eve party.

* 10 year prison sentence, plus lifetime on sex offenders' register.

* This week US judge overturned the ruling,after he'd served two years.

* Ex-President Jimmy Carter has written to Georgia's attorney-general to question whether his treatment was racially motivated.

* Georgia's attorney-general appeals against new ruling, Genarlow is still in jail.

* As the law stands, Wilson cannot return to his own family if released, as he has an 8 year-old sister and he would be forbidden contact. More on Wilson case.

As Don King would say: Only in America.

Shameless Moments

First things first, I rarely, if ever, watch anything on television other than Movies, Sports, Law & Order, Sopranos, Deadwood, The Wire, Sleeper Cell, as well as HBO, A&E and National Geographic documentaries. So, If I'm way late to the party on this one that's just too fucking bad, but some woman I've been doing business with will not STFU about the Anna Nicole Smith business and keeps talking about the "fantastic judge." Based on the little window I've had into her judgment, I wouldn't trust this woman to hold my ying yang in a crowded bathroom, so just for goofs, I decided to see if perhaps she got this one right. Well, I did my diligence, and I came across what has to be one of the more shameless performances I've ever seen in my life. She clearly remains an idiot. Wow.

What's Wrong With Selling Some Trim?

The above ad recently appeared in Massachusetts Lawyers Weekly and apparently has brought the pussified out of the woodwork.

These guys definitely approve. Do you?

(Hey MJD: If you are reading, tell Mandalay that I send my regards.)

Fucked Up

Three questions:

How is this even remotely acceptable?

What's up with a bachelor party the night of your wedding?

Can there be Peace without Justice?

Happy Turkey Day

Just wanted to wish all you AofGer's a healthy and happy Thankgiving.  Hopefully spending time with the extended family doesn't drive you infuckingsane.  In the very likely event that it does, just pop over to The Grievances and have a look back at this classic Jive Turkey post we ran back in April of '05.  It's always good for a ton of laughs.  Have a good one all.  -- JC

One of the reasons we finally shifted over to TypePad is that Jackie wanted to show you what he calls "the funniest legal transcript of all time" [.pdf file] for like 6 months, and the much maligned Blogger denied us the opportunity.  Now is the time, my friends. 

So, this weekend, enjoy the comedic stylings of Samuel Greene, aka James Martin, aka Jive Turkey #1, courtesy of watchful eye of Jackie Chiles and hard work of Frank Costanza.

Best Deponent Ever

Reminds me of the classic scene in the Sopranos down by the water where Tony refused Jackie' Jr's request to get his Uncle Richie's "H" routes back and Richie says: "He just told you to shut the fuck up, and me to go fuck myself."

Outstanding. (Thanks for hooking up link, Cozmo.)

Is 911 a Joke in Your Town?

Well, some idiots in Omaha, Nebraska are making sure it is in there's. As if relations between the Tan Man and The Fuzz aren't already bad enough, certain cats are looking to allow a special type of dude to Protect & Serve. What type of dude? A KKKlan type of dude. But hey, it's not really all that bad, after all:

""Bob Henderson wasn't running around in a sheet and hood."

Refreshing. (nice little nugget in there for y'all to mine. thanks vegas)

Retarded

In case you're one of the select few who does not think our country is "going to hell in one of them baskets that bitch Goldlilocks got," just check out this story right here.

In brief: Pull a dumb ass prank that leaves one man disabled and another brain damaged. Stand trial. Be found guilty. Sentence? 60 days in juvie and required to write write a 500-word essay on "Why I should think before I act." One catch though -- go ahead and finish up that football season first.

Hey Frank: You must be proud of your people.

(Love that line The Big O. Props.)