The Airing of Grievances

Are We Still Allowed To Pick On Georgia, Here?

Look...I get it. Math is boring. I mean, it can be very exciting if you happen to be Stephen Hawking trying to figure out the exact size of the universe but the only drawback to that of course is that you'd be Stephen Hawking.

Unfortunately, if you're a third grader, solving 56/7 probably isn't going to advance civilization all that much and really won't be met with much fanfare at all. So of course we need to get creative with these kids to make math fun. For example...

Johnnie collects pet rocks. He collected 56 rocks over 7 days. How many rocks did he collect per day?

Suzie likes apples. If she eats 2 apples a day for 7 days, how many apples has she eaten.

See? It's very engaging. Now, let's take a look at how they might engage students in the official state of the AofG...

"Each tree had 56 oranges. If eight slaves pick them equally, then how much would each slave pick?"

"If Frederick got two beatings per day, how many beatings did he get in one week?"

Well...perhaps Frederick wouldn't get so many beatings if he would pick more than seven fucking oranges a day. Emmiright?

Okay...let's hear from a concerned parent...

"This outrages me because it just lets me know that there's still racists," said Stephanie Jones, whose child is a student at the school.

There you have it. Someone could have lived in Georgia their entire life without ever having to know that there are still racists. The end of innocence is upon us.

Macho Man Dead

That just sucks. Really really sucks. Now, who's going to sell all these damned Slim Jims we've got laying around here? Leapin' Lanny Poffo?

 

Edit: Why not?

Good to See Georgia Still Tops The Retard Chart

Look. I think Girl Scouts and their fucking cookies might be the closest thing we have to Beezlebub on Earth. They remind me of that rabbit in "Monty Python and The Holy Grail". Just sitting there, all cute and cuddly like, politely bugging the fuck out of me about their goddamn cookies and sonofabitch if I can't pass those Samoas up out of fear that their flabby armed mothers will chuck their iPhones at me while driving their Tahoes after posting on facebook how "Little Johnny just shit all over the dehumidifier...he's so cute!" I mean, I make it a point to hike several miles out of my way to avoid one of their stands. I'll pay top dollar on a Delta flight AND pay extra to check a bag if necessary just to avoid them. Unfortunately, Delta's hub is in Atlanta, which is in Georgia which leads me to...

Of course, leave it to Georgtards putting this story on the TV map. Of course, my fear and loathing of all things Georgia far outweigh my hatred for mombies who see no problem with their fat fuck girls eating more of their product than they actually sell while justifying it by paying top dollar to cover their asses. Worse yet, it's a Georgia cop that did all of this. And having never seen a Georgia cop in person, I assume he looks like this guy.

 

Anyway, way to go Georgia. Proving once again the North was completely wrong for giving a shit about you back in the 1860's. And fuck you too, General Sherman. You should've burned it down completely.

Dusting Off The Georgia Tag...

Courtesy of Congressman John Lewis.  When asked about the constitutionality of the individual mandate provision of Obamacare, he cited the "pursuit of happiness" language of the preamble to the Constitution.  Only problem with that is, "pursuit of happiness' is not in the preamble to the Constitution.  It's in The Declaration of Independence.  Oops.  But then again, who am I to get all technical on politicians knowing what's in the constitution and what isn't?  We don't get all technical like that around here.  Plus, when's the last time any of these guys had to read the Constitution (or hear it read aloud)?

Slaves? What Slaves?

(Let's see how far we can get without a Shaun White joke)

I'm not sure if everyone was aware of this but apparently the 150th anniversary of the U.S. Civil War is upon us. You know who is aware of it though? The losers. There's gonna be a party in the 843, y'all!!!

The events include a “secession ball” in the former slave port of Charleston (“a joyous night of music, dancing, food and drink,” says the invitation), which will be replicated on a smaller scale in other cities. A parade is being planned in Montgomery, Ala., along with a mock swearing-in of Jefferson Davis as president of the Confederacy.

Okay, listen up The South. If you want to keep on believing that you're some sort of fucking martyrs for trying to make your own country, by all means knock yourselves out. The fact remains however that if you had won that war then you'd probably still be owning a bunch of colored folk. If you really think you're being persecuted for being portrayed as a bunch of racists, maybe it's time to stop waving that stupid flag and stop celebrating an event in which you got your asses handed to you. To this day, slavery remains the most shameful and reprehensible part of this country's history and if you dumb hicks continue to think that war wasn't about slavery then us dumb Yanks are going to continue believing that you're a bunch of racist, toothless, redneck, cocksuckers.

Of course I'm generalizing here and speak only of these neo-Confedarists so back off me Dude from Georgia that still reads this blog but hardly ever comments!

I Love This Effin' State

Yeah so I'm not gonna lie to you here...there's a congressman from our favorite state who thinks that Guam is a fucking canoe. Enjoy the insanity...

Wrasslefest 2010 and America

Two years ago, the SuperBowl was in Arizona. I didn't go.

One year ago, the NBA All Star Game was in Arizona. I didn't go.

Let me preface this next paragraph by saying that I'm in my 30's, I have a college degree and I've never had a bottle of Faygo in my life. I also don't have any tattoos, generally avoid taking Stacker 2 and don't own a pair of pants with zippers over the pocket. And I've been the dentist very recently. Okay?

This Sunday, I broke my streak of non-participatory behavior and went to Wrestlemania.

Should Have Went With "Palinesian"

Okay, so Uncle Cletus here wants to use the census as an opportunity to declare the South it's own race. I'm way too sick to provide any type of significant commentary here so I'm just gonna throw it out there as an excuse to use the Georgia tag. Fuck it, let's throw Florida and Texas in there too...

So, It's Come To This, Eh?

So, I guess we've become such a lazy ass society when it comes to parenting our brats that it comes to this. A program that teaches kids how to play outside?

Excuse me, but...

Are you fucking kidding me?

Upon actually reading the article past the headline, which would be very easy to do and pass judgement on (like I did), wait...yep...that's exactly what this article is about. Folks in Wichita, Kansas, (which hang at a level just above Benoit fan and Georgia, I presume), decided it would be a good idea to get people off their fat asses and connect with nature...and their families.

"We wanted to encourage families to spend time outdoors, get away from all that technology and get back to the creative benefits of outdoor play," said Layla El-Chami, a family and consumer science extension agent and one of the organizers.

Well, it has come to this. With all due respect to Ms. El-Chami, and I am serious when I say that I do applaud her effort to get fellow Kans-tards off the four week old crumpled Ruffles and move out of doors. However, last I checked, and I may not be qualified to say this because my testicles have dropped and I don't think girls have cooties anymore, but, I FUCKING FIGURED OUT HOW TO PLAY OUTDOORS WHEN I WAS A KID. Open the door, roll a ball out, look both ways for traffic and "ta-da"...Genius! I didn't need a class to show me the ropes on what grass looks like or what happens to frogs when you jam a hot fire poker up their puckered assholes...we went out and did it, damn it!

Sweet Jesus, I don't mean to get a riled up, but Kim kardashian's Krusty Sheets, man! I cannot believe that community organizers had to spend a good amount of time to develop a course that teaches kids and parents what fundamentally we as human beings have been doing since, ohh, I don't know, Adam was trying to finger bang Eve in the garden four thousand generations ago!

Pathetic. Again, nothing against the organizers, since they recognized the need to get these slugs moving, but, abso-fucking-lutely pathetic.

What say you, grievers?

P.S. - Names are names, and it is a kid and all, but do you think that girl got the name Taylah because pops is from the Northeast? Just a thought...

Soooooo...Ironic!

So apparently those Rocket Scientists at NASA erased the Apollo 11 mission footage and now what many people consider the proudest moment in our nation's history will be wiped from the masses if not for...wait for it...wait for it...HOLLYWOOD!!!

You see it's ironic because the ultimate sarcastic joke to refer to retarded people is to call them "Rocket Scientists." Now you have a type of reverse sarcasm because the people who did it really are Rocket Scientists!!! Get it?

Now of course one could reasonably argue that the people in charge of reserving video tape at NASA are not in fact Rocket Scientists, but let's face it...you work for NASA. I don't care if I'm a fucking custodian for NASA, I'm listing my occupation as "Rocket Scientist". As if any other company employed Rocket Scientists, right? Also, if you're keeping score at home "Hollywood" is generally considered to employ the biggest anti-Rocket Scientists in the world. Do you get it now?

Speaking of irony, since the McNair tragedy which I found out about on the 4th of July while standing over this little slice of heaven...I've come to realize that pretty much 80% of the people that I know are incapable of comprehending irony. I'll say this once to my AofG faithful...if a man films a PSA to inform people that suicide is a bad thing and to seek help because you and everyone around you will be affected and then has some roadbeef mistress that ends up going all Benoit on him...THAT IS NOT IRONIC!!!

Quick question after the jump...