The Airing of Grievances

Macho Man Dead

That just sucks. Really really sucks. Now, who's going to sell all these damned Slim Jims we've got laying around here? Leapin' Lanny Poffo?

 

Edit: Why not?

Over The Top!

You might think from the title of this Pulitzer worthy prose that it is about a classic all-time awesome movie starring our favorite juiced up mumbler Sly Stallone. Nope. I mean, sure John Rambo sounds like he just ate a jar of peanut butter, and while this is peanut related, it has nothing to do with Balboa.

And so you know, I don't know shit about Florida. I think it's Georgia with Hispanic flavor. Which explains this news story out of Ga South.

We all know we're raising a generation of pussies. Fact. If this doesn't prove it just one more time, I don't know what will. But, to go so far as rinse the mouths out of all the kids who ate peanuts and happen to be in the vicinity of a kid with a peanut allergy, well, that's OTT. Clorox wipes over the desks all the time? Hand sanitizers? Sweet Jesus. Pussies, I tell you.

I get the argument that measures need to be taken to prevent an all out anaphylactic reaction (see: death w/out epi) in a kid who when exposed to a certain allergen, but what I'm wondering if these Floritards know is that these items are fucking EVERYWHERE! I get that as parents we need to do what we can to ensure that our children, when they walk out the front door at any point, stay alive. It's something I could never do when I had a goldfish, a cat, a dog, a ferrett, even a pet rock, but miraculously the three kids I managed to donate to a uterus via one winning vs. three million losing sperm are still breathing. Hell even one of them is almost a teenager! I think I know what I'm doing therefore. And my youngest has a peanut allergy herself, but I would never dream of demanding the shit these parents demand. I'll make sure my kid has her Epi-Pen, her inhaler, etc. and teach her that if she starts to feel like the Cracker Jack man is strangling you with piano wire, take it. But that involves personal accountability and realizing that a persons crotch fruit isn't any more special than anyone elses, something parents rarely grasp anymore.

(Molson Cup Second Star to the mom who was so pissed off she said her child was being denied the right to eat Peanut Butter and Jelly. You know, as stated in the U.S. Bill of Rights, IX to be exact.)

LeBron Owes Nothing to Me

Wait a second...did I ask him for something?

I've been told on more than a few occasions that LeBron doesn't owe me anything. And I agree...he doesn't. Did I get drunk and ask him for $20?

Should Have Went With "Palinesian"

Okay, so Uncle Cletus here wants to use the census as an opportunity to declare the South it's own race. I'm way too sick to provide any type of significant commentary here so I'm just gonna throw it out there as an excuse to use the Georgia tag. Fuck it, let's throw Florida and Texas in there too...

Andrew "Test" Martin Found Dead - Steroids Found Buying Ticket To Rio

No, I don't have any "evidence" that this wrestler was found dead in his apartment at 33 because of drugs and steroids, but, look... Shaggy and Scooby wouldn't even need Velma to get to the bottom of this one.

This is, what, 800 dead wrestlers now? (Shockingly, we don't have a tag for this.) And this guy was from Tampa? If you'd have asked me if he'd have been dead by 29, I'd have happily lost money taking that bet.

Few questions:
1. FBI? What's the problem here? Do you need a Scooby Snack for motivation?
2. Any wrestler that signed up for the job after 2006? Do you not read newspapers?
3. Florida? Seriously? Have you no shame?
4. Guy from Newsday that wrote this report? Are you really quoting the Pro Wrestling Torch as a news source?
5. Guy from Pro Wrestling Torch? No further details are known? Give it a week.