As some of you know, a close friend of mine is Egyptian and has been right smack in the middle of the fray in Tahrir Square. She was apprended the other day, which sent a shockwave of fear through all those who know and love her, which are many. She has since been released and recently shared this story from the ground written by one of her friends. I know I haven't posted on here in forever (and major kudos to Vandelay, Klompus, Newman and Assman for keeping this place alive and well), but I figured sharing this was a good a reason as any to wipe the dust off my AofG keyboard. Without further adieu, "Regarding the Brotherhood" by Omar Kamel.
As you probably heard by now, Saturday, Jared Lee Loughner allegedly ran into a Safeway and shot a bunch of people, including a Congresswoman, a judge and a nine year old girl. I say "allegedly" because even though he did it from about four feet away and in front of a lot of first person witnesses, I clearly watch too much TV to just say "he did it" without giving him the pretend benefit of the doubt of a fair trial.
But Jared did do that shit.
In response to this inarguable tragedy, our media has deployed the "let's make up a reason" troops and because of the target, his resident state and some vague YouTube rantings, we've decided that our heated political rhetoric is to blame. This is entirely possible and I've partially made that argument myself in the past about uzis at political rallies, but we're sort of ignoring the giant elephant in the room here - which is why I could never ever be a political talking head.
...that said "Dead Nigger Hustler Storage?" That's what the line is going to be from now on, according to Quentin Tarantino. Apparently in support of the editing of Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Tarantino has decided to go back and permanently overwrite all instances of the n-bomb in his works. People -- what has the world come to? Please share your thoughts on this.
As you may have heard, at the end of last week about 5,000 birds just fucking died in mid-flight and ended up strewn all over Arkansas. Then shortly after, a bunch of fish were found dead along the banks of the Arkansas river. Then today, 500 more birds plummeted to their death in Baton Rouge. Of course this all begs one very obvious question...what the fuck is going on with these birds and these fish? Science? Any help?
"We just think it's a rather strange coincidence," she said.
That's what she said. I've heard that fireworks shot them down and I've heard they just flew into each other in some sort of weird suicide attempt. Nobody really has any theories about the fish. Considering that this is happening in the bible belt and the calendar year just turned though...I'm gonna go ahead and assume the South is freaking out about a little rapture. Which is awesome. And scary. But awesome.
So really...tell me smart people...what gives here?
(Let's see how far we can get without a Shaun White joke)
I'm not sure if everyone was aware of this but apparently the 150th anniversary of the U.S. Civil War is upon us. You know who is aware of it though? The losers. There's gonna be a party in the 843, y'all!!!
The events include a “secession ball” in the former slave port of Charleston (“a joyous night of music, dancing, food and drink,” says the invitation), which will be replicated on a smaller scale in other cities. A parade is being planned in Montgomery, Ala., along with a mock swearing-in of Jefferson Davis as president of the Confederacy.
Okay, listen up The South. If you want to keep on believing that you're some sort of fucking martyrs for trying to make your own country, by all means knock yourselves out. The fact remains however that if you had won that war then you'd probably still be owning a bunch of colored folk. If you really think you're being persecuted for being portrayed as a bunch of racists, maybe it's time to stop waving that stupid flag and stop celebrating an event in which you got your asses handed to you. To this day, slavery remains the most shameful and reprehensible part of this country's history and if you dumb hicks continue to think that war wasn't about slavery then us dumb Yanks are going to continue believing that you're a bunch of racist, toothless, redneck, cocksuckers.
Of course I'm generalizing here and speak only of these neo-Confedarists so back off me Dude from Georgia that still reads this blog but hardly ever comments!
Disclaimer: I'm completely aware that this is a piece of liberal propaganda and edited to make all teabaggers look like complete morons and that there are sheep and idiots in every corner of the political spectrum. It just happens to be funny to me. Really, really funny. I'm sorry, but extremely xenophobic, fear-mongering retards are just a lot funnier to me than hippy, tree-hugging retards.
Here are the guidelines for running for student office for Nettleton Middle School in Mississippi.
Yeah, those colors apparently don't apply to something silly like whether you like the cookie or cream part of an oreo. Response...
"Student elections have not yet been held at Nettleton Middle School for the 2010-2011 school term. The processes and procedures for student elections are under review. We are reviewing the origin of these processes, historical applications, compliance issues, as well as current implications and ramifications. A statement will be released when review of these processes is complete."
Under review? Really? How long could that possibly take?
This is a couple weeks old but good stuff nonetheless. I'll start by saying that I know nothing about Dr. Laura. I have no idea what her political views are or what she does exactly. Is it like Dear Abby on the radio? I did however just find out that a google image search will provide you with a really old picture of her boobs. Anyway, as you might have already heard, a woman in an interracial relationship called Dr. Laura seeking out advice over what to do about her husband's white friends being racially insensitive towards her. She then proceeded to go on a rant that included 11 N-bombs and told this woman that she shouldn't have married a white guy if she doesn't have a sense of humor. Whether you agree with that or not is not the issue here but this obviously got some folks a little upset which led to this response which I'd like you to try to watch without banging your head on your desk 58 times...
If you couldn't get through that, she went on Larry King to publically quit her job in an attempt to gain back her 1st amendment rights and be able to say what's in her heart without it angering anyone. Crazy...right? Not everyone thinks so, apparently.
Tweeteth the BFF:
Dr.Laura:don't retreat...reload! (Steps aside bc her 1st Amend.rights ceased 2exist thx 2activists trying 2silence"isn't American,not fair")
Dr.Laura=even more powerful & effective w/out the shackles, so watch out Constitutional obstructionists. And b thankful 4 her voice,America!
Okay, so I am in no way a constitutional scholar and I'm probably the last person who contributes to this blog that's qualified to comment on the intricacies of amendments but I am absolutely 100% positive that the 1st amendment doesn't say anything about being able to control the way people react to what you say. I'm pretty sure this country would never approve of an amendment that banned accountability, criticism, and consequences.
Memo to all the freedom fighters out there...you can't fight for your constitutional rights by depriving others of theirs. When the fuck did this stop being obvious?
I don't really know how to say this so I'll just be as blunt as possible. Bristol Palin...the offspring of awful people and inexplicably a person in her own right that speaks out in order to advocate teen abstinence...is being paid $14,000 from a home that helps impoverished single mothers...to talk.
What?
Oh wait...people are going to pay $125 to listen to her talk which means that after the price of the Marriot to rent and the food and whatever other amenities are to be covered plus the additional $14,000 that the sexually irresponsible teenager who happens to have a rich mom and therefore can't relate to these people at all is taking...by my estimation there will have to be like 180 people willing to pay this just to break even.
But Palin's life “is the reality,” she said. “She is a role model in the fact that she chose to have her child.”
Oh...she's a role model. I think I'm going to kill myself.
I know I don't post often when I have to learn a new version of Typepad each time I log in. Alas, I figured it was my turn since it's only a matter of time before Newman drops a rap about how the juice gave him his 400 lb. bench press and his 10 lb. neck pimples. And Vandelay's been picking up the slack, but we know better than to praise him too much. For one, football season is around the corner. And we know what that means -- lots of tinfoiling about how Goodell is conspiring to suppress the Steelers. Plus, we all know Vandelay has some other fresh skeletons he's dying to make us hate him for. There's gotta be a "My-wife-was-given-these-Michael-Buble-tickets-so-I-had-to-go-and-pretend-I-liked-it" -type shit somewhere in his queue. But I digress.
So what's new? Economy is both great and shitty depending on the link you click on. One thing that hasn't changed though -- people are still toking. And in weed news today, a pair of growers were busted in Canad-eh with 2300 plants and a dozen or so bears guarding the cash crop. Apparently, the economy has gotten so bad in White Mexico that Canuck pot growers can't afford human security. Instead, they buy a shitload of dog food and outsource it to wild fuckin' animals. Either that, or the bears had a taste for the sweet leaf so they were feeding them to keep them from eating the sticky. In any event, it's an interesting tactic. One thing we all know about pot: the line separating ingenuity and retardation pretty much disappears.
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