The Airing of Grievances

You wanta some pole? Itsa greasy.

Here's something for the fathers of daughters here at the AofG -- something to make you think about getting the old shotgun out.  Last July I wrote about my exploits at St. Peter's Fiesta in the seaside town of Gloucester, MA (aka Eye-talian New Orleans). It was right before Puddy whined about us not having a Men's Wimbledon post (whaa).  Anyway, I'm sure at least some of you have read/heard/seen the news recently about the 17 high school girls that made a pact to get pregnant while in high school.  Yep, same city.  Anyone surprised?

Of course, now Gloucester "officials" are disputing the evidence of a pact.  Right, 17 girls 16 years or younger just coincidentally get knocked up at the same time (in a school of about 1000 students)?  Just a small blip in the data?  Please.  And of all the theories and opinions bandied about, this is about one thing and one thing only: parenting.  It has nothing to do with the fledgling fishing industry, being Catholic, providing contraception, Hollywood, etc.  If a 24-year old homeless guy has access to a 15- or 16-year old girl, a parent just flat out isn't doing their number one fucking job.  There's a got to be some serious World-of-a-Warcrafta going on for that shit to go down.

Yes, I understand I was just there a year ago.  But no, it wasn't me.   And I won't be posting about Wimbledon this year, either.

Here We Go Again

Legendary, really old, incoherent, racist, Don Imus has managed to ruffle some feathers once again with his sorry attempts at wit. After being fired from CBS just over a year ago for his infamous "nappy-headed hos" (is it hos or hoes?) comment, Imus has seemingly made a comment linking recently reinstated punk NFL player, Adam "Pac-Man" Jones' six arrests in three years to the color of his skin.

Warner Wolf: ...He's been arrested six times since being drafted by Tennesse in 2005...

Imus: What color is he?

Warner Wolf: ...He's African-American

Imus: Well. There you go. Now we know.

Imus claims that he meant that Pac-Man was unfairly targeted by law officials due to the color of his skin but I'm not so sure that the man has really earned the benefit of the doubt here. He's also having really old, black comedian, Dick Gregory on his show today who was scheduled to talk some George Carlin but Imus says he'll make sure to get his take on it to clear things up. How wonderful that Dick Gregory gets to speak for an entire race. NO PRESSURE!!!

I thought Pac-Man was yellow anyway?

Reason #5,378,165 the Rest of the World Hates Us

Despicable old whores with an over-inflated sense of self-importance. For those firewalled from youtube...

"Hey China...perhaps if you fuckers would have freed Tibet you wouldn't be burying 80,000 people this week. That infant who was crushed by a steel beam and deprived of life beyond 3 weeks? KARMA, BITCHES!!! It should have been nicer to my friend, the Dalai Lama!

I may have took some liberties in the translaton there but seriously, this might be the worst thing anyone has ever said; not to mention the dumbest. I mean, if karma really existed wouldn't that kymoto komodo dragon have finished the job?

Hey-Yo!!!

Ewww...

So I'm sure most of you are familiar with the goings on at the old Yearning for Zion Ranch in El Dorado, TX with those wacky polygamists and Southern law enforcement but here are the cliff notes:

Police receive anonymous call from a girl saying she's been sexually abused; police raid the compound and take away all of the women and children; sect leader Warren Jeffs is arrested for being an accomplice to rape and statutory rape; the polygamists want their families back and are screaming freedom of religion and accusing the authorities of a misguided witch hunt; authorities really only have circumstantial evidence but won't give children back until DNA testing comes through as to not be accused of providing sexual predators with victims (even if they are their own kids). There might even be some slight inaccuracies in there but this is the crux of it. Basically everyone's complete bullshit. Good times. I digress.

Anyway, it looks like the Smoking Gun has come through with pictures of Jeffs and his little child brides sucking face and creepy doesn't even begin to describe them. As far as I'm concerned, that pushes the evidence a little past circumstantial but you still have a situation where none of the children are coming forward pronouncing themselves as victims and if you look at those pictures, the girls actually look happy.

So what do you say? Without evidence or testimony, do you consider separating these families to be unconstitutional?

UPDATE: Unwarranted

"At this point there is no legal basis to hold anyone."

Suck on that, normal people.

A Devious Knot

Looks like the US military is off cannibalizing their own again.  This time it's not blacks, women, or gays but atheists.  Here's a kid who has served two tours, been shot at and blown up by every pissed-off Arab with an AK from Al Quaeda to the Mardi Army but now faces the worst threat to his life- asshole Christian scum infesting the Army.  The abuse got so bad that command had to send him back stateside WITH his own body guard.  All the while the Mullahs are screaming that this occupation amounts to nothing more than another crusade- I'd say they have a lot to worry about if this crap keeps up. 

I understand that people turn to faith for a number of reasons, especially in a war-zone.  But it's the height of hypocrisy to invade and occupy another country under the banner of freedom and unity while forcing your own people to conform to some assinine nazi-style christian coup.  We're over there telling the Iraqi's that they have to move beyond their religious differences at the same time we're putting guys into protection programs to keep them safe from jesus thugs among our own ranks.  If there's a way to fuck this war up more than ever before rest assured we'll find it.   

Jee-haad! I'm Going to Disneyworld

It wasn't very long ago we were hearing reports that Iraqi schoolchildren were being targeted at recess by insurgents hell-bent on sending a message to us and anyone else who stepped foot in Iraq.  We are (me and you) now paying them ("former" insurgents), thousands of them, millions of dollars every month to be neighborhood stewards (they get to keep their AK's and grenade launchers), and that has apparently pacified these armed and angry maniacs to a level our gov't finds acceptable.

So what to do next?  How about build a Disney World in Baghdad.  Disney World, a crap-ass shit hole for the typical American moron who can't be bothered to bring their kids on a vacation where they might actually learn something and that would enrich their lives a little... i.e. Grand Canyon, Yosemite, Yellowstone.  Instead, off they go by the millions in maggot-strewn hoards to a fantasy mind-fuck to worship polyethylene farm animals and collect on their overpriced fake experiences.

The Supreme Court Is Crap

The Supreme Court rules on lethal injection case today and  determines it is not cruel and unsual- if it was the  Constitution wouldn't allow it... of course, it all makes sense.  Even the Pope is against the death penalty.  Happy  Birthday Pope!! Now go fuck yourself.

"By 7 to 2, the court rejected challenges to the Kentucky  execution procedure brought by two death-row inmates, holding  that they had failed to show that the risks of pain from  mistakes in an otherwise “humane lethal execution protocol”  amounted to cruel and unusual punishment, which is banned by  the Constitution."

It's amazing hearing people try to rationalize this issue.  You take a human being, strap them to a gurny, inject poison and  sit around behind a glass window and watch them die.  That's  not cruel??  That's not unusual??  I guess it's less cruel  than being set on fire or thrown off a bridge.  But is that a true standard- "it's less cruel than being tortured first so we'll just say it's Constitutional."

Lets Get This Over With

What's wrong with this picture?  Bush runs out to Andrews Airforce Base today to grovel up to the Pope who's making his obligatory visitation.  Yes, a quarter of the nation is made up of Catholics some of whom may even vote when they're not passed out drunk or screwing hapless orphans so I guess in Bush's mind this makes sense.  Too bad it didn't make sense for him to show up even once when a plane rolled in carrying battle victims of a bullshit war he started because he thought it would make him look cool and make his Vice President's buddies billionaires (the latter of which was a smashing success). 

Rebates!

You know that genius plan that the Bush administration has come up with to stimulate the economy? Well, you're probably not gonna believe this, but early reports indicate that it may not exactly drag our sorry asses out of the abyss the way it's supposed to. According to a recent survey, only 21% of Americans unfortunately intend to actually spend their rebate. Apparently, people have like debt and investment vehicles that they're more interested in right now. Who knew?

He had considered using the money to take his family to Disney World. But "With the uncertainty of the economy," Karas says, "right now, I'm going to forget I got that money and put it in mutual funds."

What. A. Dick.

Ma'am, Your Boobs Are A Threat To National Security

In fact, the real boobs are the staff at the Lubbock branch of the Transportation Security Administration that made a 37-year old woman forcibly remove her nipple rings in order to board a flight to Dallas, with a pair of pliers no less; a whopping 300 mile in-state commuter flight.

You may recognize her newly acquired lawyer, talk-show maven and feminist anti-discrimination superstar, one Gloria Allred. To be honest, Gloria scares me a helluva lot more than her client's "sweater bomb" accessories.

Now I'm not saying that it would have been impossible for her to hijack that airplane with her pierced nipples and perhaps a tattoo and maybe some dental fillings. But the fact that she couldn't manage to remove one, and required pliers (which, of course, you cannot take on to a plane), should have probably caused at least one TSA employee to put two and two together and pick up on this little contradiction. He or she would have saved the TSA quite a pile of settlement cash down the road.

My fellow males, let this near breach of homeland security serve as a lesson to any of us who ever considered getting a piercing in a place which you wish to keep as distant from a pair of vice-grips as possible. Or to those of us ever considering a flight in the state of Texas.