The Airing of Grievances

Soooooo...Ironic!

So apparently those Rocket Scientists at NASA erased the Apollo 11 mission footage and now what many people consider the proudest moment in our nation's history will be wiped from the masses if not for...wait for it...wait for it...HOLLYWOOD!!!

You see it's ironic because the ultimate sarcastic joke to refer to retarded people is to call them "Rocket Scientists." Now you have a type of reverse sarcasm because the people who did it really are Rocket Scientists!!! Get it?

Now of course one could reasonably argue that the people in charge of reserving video tape at NASA are not in fact Rocket Scientists, but let's face it...you work for NASA. I don't care if I'm a fucking custodian for NASA, I'm listing my occupation as "Rocket Scientist". As if any other company employed Rocket Scientists, right? Also, if you're keeping score at home "Hollywood" is generally considered to employ the biggest anti-Rocket Scientists in the world. Do you get it now?

Speaking of irony, since the McNair tragedy which I found out about on the 4th of July while standing over this little slice of heaven...I've come to realize that pretty much 80% of the people that I know are incapable of comprehending irony. I'll say this once to my AofG faithful...if a man films a PSA to inform people that suicide is a bad thing and to seek help because you and everyone around you will be affected and then has some roadbeef mistress that ends up going all Benoit on him...THAT IS NOT IRONIC!!!

Quick question after the jump...

The More Things Change...

 

Another heartwarming tale out of the City of Brotherly-Looking Women (and that's "Brotherly," not "Bruthaly").  The long and short of it:  A private swim club in Montgomery County, PA was paid $1900 by a North Philly daycamp so 65 kids (grades ranging from K-7th) could use their outdoor pool facilities.  Only "problem" was, the kids were black and hispanic.  So they were promptly asked to leave and refunded their money.  When asked for comment, the swim club's president coughed up this verbal turd:

There was concern that a lot of kids would change the complexion . . . and the atmosphere of the club."

Aside from "complexion," the other ridiculous part of this quote is "kids."  While the club's website seems to be down or no longer in existence, the archived version seemed to stress "family" quite a bit.  Color me Georgian for asking this, but doesn't "family" usually denote the inclusion of kids?  Nonetheless, there's also this to consider:  The camp was signed up for just a couple hours on Mondays only for two months.  They can't handle kids for two hours a week?  Of course they can.  They just don't have the cojones to admit they can't handle non-white kids for two hours a week. I understand they are a private club so they can choose their members however they wish.  Still, The Valley Swim Club and all its members that have decided to remain:  Eat A Dick.  I hope all you motherfuckers drown in your precious Aryan cock-swallowing pool.

And on a related political note:  Montgomery County is decidely left-leaning.  They voted Gore/Kerry/Obama.  Just sayin'...

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Sorry, I wrote like 6 titles and I can't come up with anything that doesn't make me seem like a douche for posting this but ultimately it's a pretty amazing piece of video and I think an important one. It is however very graphic so do not hit play if you have a hard time handling that type of thing.

Her name was Neda and she was out walking in the streets of Iran with her dad. I'm not sure if they were actively protesting or just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Some people are calling her a martyr which of course is absurd and others are calling her the face of a revolution. All I know is that I can't stop watching it and I have no idea what that says about me. That helpless look in her eyes when she stares at the camera while haunting is almost addictive. It makes you realize how lucky you are not to be living in a country experiencing a bloody revolution while at the same time wishing you could have been there to stop such senseless fucking terror.

Sometimes there's just not enough scotch.

Oh Yeah...They're Dead

No, I'm just kidding. I mean, I hope not. I suppose it's entirely possible but as far as insane, evil dictators go, I'm not so sure Ahmadinejad is all he's cracked up to be. If you think Mugabe or Il would allow for any of this silly post-election rigging uprising you're nuts. Hell, it may have even happened here nine years ago and The Backyard Brawl produced more riots that year. We all just got confused and embarassed.

If you're trying to keep up with the events in Iran, the Ayatollah has urged the natives to bow down to Ahmadinejad while the Guardian Council has called for an investigation and a recount. Of course a recount by the same people will probably produce the same results, so now Mousavi supporters just want to do the whole damn thing over again. This probably doesn't mean a whole heck of a lot to you xenophobic assholes but it's apparently like the biggest story of the year so I figured I'd take a trip out to Iran to report to you the latest. I'll check back in later if I don't get killed.

When the hell did Iranian women get so hot anyway? Hang on a second...could it be?

Regarding This Markoff Cat

I suspect that this whole Craigslist Killer story is simply the latest case of “local news story that becomes huge national story because it involves pretty white girls being murdered, robbed, beaten, and betrayed” which is always fun for the media but this one could actually serve a higher purpose. The fiancé is probably taking a little heat for her stance but despite her insistence that Phil isn’t capable of such a thing, I think the fact that she hasn’t visited him in jail is a sign that she wants to get as far away from this mess as quickly as possible. Throwing him under the bus would just put her even further under the spotlight. I mean…the witnesses, the underwear thing, the bullets matching his gun…it’s all a little too clear even for Megan to miss.

Now let me just climb up on my high horse for a second. I suspect this isn’t the first time that someone has been murdered as a result of meeting with a person they don’t know through an internet service. The popularity of the story is surely directly related to the cuteness of the victim and that’s fine because maybe it will make people stop meeting with total strangers. I got married 10 years ago so I missed out on this whole “internet hook-up” thing but I’ve been told it’s all the rage these days. As I understand it, there are sites where people can just pick someone to have sex with and then meet them on the street and go to someone’s apartment and BAM! The entire courting process has been reduced to creating a profile on a website.

So after being told our whole lives to be leery of strangers, millions and millions of people are putting themselves in situations where they could potentially be victimized because they’re lonely? It doesn’t make sense, people. I’m a guy and I would never do that. I once went to some dude's house to buy Barry Manilow tickets he had advertised on Craigslist and spent the whole time with my fists clenched waiting for some maniac to jump out of the bushes at me with machete in hand.

Ultimately, maybe the handsome and charming medical student that turned out to be Patrick Bateman can serve as a lesson to us all.

Teabaggers, Teaparties and Limbo the Limptard

The teabag, dare I say, "movement", is coming to a city hall near you and it's all about sending the Whitehouse teabags to make a statement that real Americans aren't putting up with this economy fixin', foreign relations mendin', tax break givin', pirate bustin' bullshit anymore.

.....and it's no surprise Fox news has a lock on this tax day teabag foolishness which will probably lead all their shows for the rest of Obama's first term.  The idea dates back to 1773 when a bunch of bombed-up and pissed-off Massholes raided a British cargo ship carrying tea and threw it all in harbor because that's the kind of crap angry mobs like to pull- it's fun to fuck shit up.   Beyond that it was a pretty insignificant event other than the fact that it gave the British a good bead on who the trouble-makers were.  The notion that it sparked the American Revolution is assinine but we'll forego the history lesson and skip to tax day 2009 where you have a thousands of dim-witted knuckleheads screaming and crying about taxes at the same time they're all getting a tax cut!  OK, so that doesn't make much sense so what about SOCIALISM!   Obama is a socialist and he's trying to SOCIALIZE America!  And he's doing it by propping up the largest and most indiscreet capitalist institutions known to mankind!  OK, so that doesn't make much sense either.  What about FACISM!  Obama is a Fascist because he... because... well because he just is!! Teabag against the fascist black president before he takes away our guns and gives them to the illegals.  Well, the illegals already have our guns- remember we sold them whatever they wanted as long as they paid in cash? 

If there is anyone out there who can lend some insight into how this teabag thing might have a shred logic to it please indulge us.  In the meantime, enjoy the comedy.

News Flash: Rush Limbaugh is turning into a lib-tard! They were kids. The story is out, I don't know if it's true or not, but apparently the hijackers, these kids, the merchant marine organizers, Muslim kids, were upset, they wanted to just give the captain back and head home because they were running out of food, they were running out of fuel, they were surrounded by all these US Navy ships, big ships, and they just wanted out of there. That's the story, but then when one of them put a gun to the back of the captain, Mr. Phillips, then bam, bam, bam. There you have it, and three teenagers shot on the high seas at the order of President Obama.

No Room For Some Zeppelin On That Thing?

Yesterday, our man Obama was in London for a summit with 19 other world leaders to take a day to solve the global recession. I have no idea how they did but the Dow appears to be responding (I knew I should have jumped back in at 6800!). Anyway, I guess when you go to London, you have to see the Queen and to make it worse there's this bullshit tradition of having to exchange gifts every time you see her. So what did Obby give her? An Ipod filled with pictures and video of her last few visits to this side of the pond, along with audio of a couple of his own speeches (a bit narcissistic...sure) and a bunch of showtunes. I'm assuming she likes showtunes and he didn't just assume that because she's old. So how is this even news? Well, you would not believe the outrage...

- He makes Clinton look classy, Bush look smart, and Carter look sane.
- On behalf of President Obama, for whom I did NOT vote, and on behalf the United States, I would like to offer a heartfelt apology to our friends and allies around the world, for the rude and insulting "gifts" and treatment he has given your nations and peoples.
-Obama seeks a classless society, and he's setting the example. As in no class.
-The Obama's continue to prove they are classless, tacky jerks that are unfit to represent our great country.
-If the Obama's are the new face of America...then it is in dire need of a good bitch-slap.
-and on an on...

So what's an acceptable gift for the Queen of England anyway? Anything she's ever wanted in life was hers at the snap of a finger. How do you compete with that? Perhaps, he should follow her example and learn how to give classy gifts. Surely, someone who has been exchanging gifts with world leaders for the better part of 50 years knows this business inside and out. So what did the queen give the prez?

Britain's Press Association reports that the Royal couple gave the Obamas "a silver-framed, signed photograph of themselves."

Awesome.

If Anyone Cares...

Here's Matt Taibbi completely eviscerating our friend, Jake DeSantis. It's a fun read.

Here's the real problem with people like Jake DeSantis. Throughout this whole period, they never were able to connect the dots -- to grasp the fact that when they skimmed a million here or a million there off the great rivers of capital that flowed through their offices, that that money came from somewhere, from someone. To them, it wasn't someone else's money, it was just money, and why shouldn't they have it?

Taibbi is an undoubtedly an asshole but he's an asshole that I have a real hard time disagreeing with.

Viable Solution?

As you may have heard, after accepting more than 100 billion dollars in bailouts from the government, AIG has decided to hand out 165 million dollars in bonuses to executives in their financial division. That would be the division responsible for making all the shitty deals that put them on the brink of bankruptcy to begin with. No, really!!!

AIG already took some bad pub after sending their executives on a half a million dollar retreat just a few weeks after being rewarded with their first bailout package and now they’ve chosen to allocate some more of these funds toward rewarding the very people that are responsible for destroying them in the first place. This is just another big “Fuck You” to the U.S. taxpayers from an organization clearly without a conscience. You truly have to wonder how anyone with even a shred of decent human quality can take that money and sleep perfectly fine at night.

The Prez isn’t happy at all and it appears he will make every effort to try to stop it although I don’t know how much of that is just good PR. A republican senator from Iowa has an ever better solution though…

"I suggest, you know, obviously, maybe they ought to be removed," Grassley said. "But I would suggest the first thing that would make me feel a little bit better toward them if they'd follow the Japanese example and come before the American people and take that deep bow and say, I'm sorry, and then either do one of two things: resign or go commit suicide. "And in the case of the Japanese, they usually commit suicide before they make any apology."

Mr. Grassley…you just made yourself some fans.

Disrespecting Sully

I'm not really going to disrespect Sully. Maybe a little, but it's nothing compared to what Newman did to Brenda Warner so my conscience shall remain entact. Let me first create a diversion with this offering from a lady who had an issue with 60 minutes' coverage of 1549 or as I like to refer to it..."the most awesome thing ever written."

On the Feb. 8 "60 Minutes" program, we were captivated while viewing the Katie Couric interview of the crew and passengers of Flight 1549. However, we were struck there was not one mention of God, who directs pilots of planes and secures the safety of passengers. We have written CBS and asked them for more realistic programming. Help protect our freedoms. Write CBS about this.

I can't really add anything to make that better so back to Sully. First off, Sully is awesome. In this day and age, finding people who are remarkably competent at their jobs is a bit of an anomaly. Before I propose this, I should note that I may have some type of hidden agenda here. The first time I was introduced to Sully, I had a Yuengling in one hand and a wing in the other, screaming at the television, "ENOUGH WITH THIS BULLSHIT...JUST START THE FUCKING GAME ALREADY!" Then there's the issue with me not being able to hear the name "Sully" without thinking of this clown. So try to take this for what it's worth.

Is Sully really a hero? I mean, in order to get that tag, don't you have to go out of your way to risk your own life in order to save others? Can't we tone it down with the hero stuff and just call him what he is...a skilled pilot with an inherent will to not die?

More importantly, why did God send birds after that plane?