This won't take long, but there is something about winter and the blizzard we are experiencing here along the balmy shores of Lake Michigan that are really bringing the stupid out in people. Or shall I say, bringing the stupid people out. Fast drivers, clueless idiots, wheel grippers, high school girls who demand that they don't wear winter coats because it makes them look less hot despite the fact it is fucking -3 degrees...you all know the drill.
I'm pretty sure my latest observation can't be topped though.
I needed gas. I didn't want to chance running out in this shit because the only thing worse than running out of gas is running out of gas in a snow storm when 4x4 vehicle driving morons become the road equivalent to dogs on ice skates. (Note to 4x4 drivers...four wheels on ice don't grip the ice better, you just slide more effectively as 2 wheel drive on ice. So says Newton.)
I pull up to the pump and exit my vehicle when I notice a woman, no, a girl...18-19 years old maybe? She was wearing a jean skirt, a sweater, mittens and Uggs and at first glance I wondered, "Nice fucking legs. God I hope she's at least 18 because I'm pretty damn sure that I'd hit that pretty hard and fast". Then I noticed her tears. Great. Nothing worse than a sappy young girl crying over God knows what. And she was staring at the gas pump, weeping, just staring at it like it had just swallowed her Hello Kitty thong when she looked at me and asked, "Do you know how to work these things?"
Huh?
Apparently, little Missy here has never learned the complicated science of refueling a vehicle. Baffling, yes, I know. She can probably suck a golf ball through a garden hose but can't figure out the gas cap thingy and where the pump doohickey goes on her brand new 2009 Pontiac G8 GT. I knew she wasn't faking it either, you know, to get some old man with a fluffed tent pole bulge racing to assist her under the guise she might blow me, err, "them" later only to end up in the spank bank anyway. Tease. No she was miserable, so I of course offered to help with a crash course on how to pump gas.
When I put her $10 worth in (3.87 gallons), I made sure she rehashed today's lesson and that it wasn't quite as daunting a task as it seemed, right? She said yes, but that she never had to fill her tank herself before, since either her dad, brother or bf do it for her and always have. Seriously.
Lesson today? There are people out there (hot chicks) like this that exist in this world still. And the thing is, these are the type of people who won't have to do jack shit for their life to be perfect and have gold coins fall out of their asses on command. It just happens. Fuck me.
She did not.
