The Airing of Grievances

Kevin Trudeau Anyone?

So my mom, sister, and wife are all on this guy's bandwagon. They are now acting like complete whack jobs. My mother just bought eight cases of virgin coconut oil. My mom and my sister have weekly appointments to have their colon cleansed. This is not normal behavior.

I'd honestly never heard of this guy until about a month ago when I picked up his new book at the airport and started looking through it. Apparently he's come up with a protocol whereby afterwards you will be able to eat and drink whatever you want and as much as you want, never exercise, and never gain weight again (something about resetting the hypothalamus). I started reading through it the other night and the first thing I noticed was that it read exactly like I was watching an infomercial. The first three paragraphs has nothing of substance. He just keeps repeating the same thing over and over and over.

AofG Book Review

For those of you like me, who were unable to get all your Christmas shopping done on the 24th and still may be looking for a very cool last minute gift or just something to pass the time while you're dropping a deuce, I suggest you check out Opening Lines, Pinky Probes, and L-Bombs: The Girls & Sports Dating and Relationship Playbook, based on the sports and dating comic strip Girls & Sports. This full color, 144 page cartoon dating guide walks the reader through the entire dating process with chapters like “Scouting the Prospects” to “Going All the Way” and, finally, “Getting Out of the Game.” Every page is chalk-full of charts, graphs, sports-influenced strategies, theories and brutally honest truisms about everything related to girls and sports. You can read more about the book and check out some of the comic strips here. Any favorites?

The Juice Is On The Loose

Quite possibly, the most shameless person in the history of mankind. (Thanks Kramer)

Portugese Water Dogs - Taking Over

Ted Kennedy, in a move signifying either his coming senility or conversion to Kabbalaism, is releasing a children's book about a day in the life of his Portuguese Water Dog, Splash (Do not adjust your monitor, Ted Kennedy did indeed name his dog Splash - amazingly ironic).  [Insert Mary Jo Kopechne joke here]  My biggest problem is with the title.  Is Splash a citizen of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts?  Does she vote?  If so, does this explain his generation-long tenure?

In the Senator's defense, as the proud owner of a Portuguese Water Dog, I can see how he would want to author a book after his dog's exploits.  Bogart is the coolest dude I know, and he's only 20 months old. The Portuguese Water Dog - official canine of the AofG AND the Senior Senator from Massachusetts.

That said, if put through their paces, I'm sure Bogie would wipe the floor with Splash.  Sorry Ted.  Truth is Truth.

(SoJ: Coop)

Trapped In A Water Closet

I continue to be grotesquely entralled by R. Kelly's trapped in a closet video series.  Now, I understand that the damned fool has created 22 of these three minute vingettes, and he is still going.  When do we find out that Sylvester has been kickin' it with middle schoolers, Chapter 20 or what?

If you haven't seen the series in it's entirelty, there is hope for you to catch up before R. releases his next 10 installments.  Like most great literature, TIAC is considerably more entertaining in Cliff's Notes (style) form.  Check out this guy's efforts for Chapters 1-5 and 6-12, which takes you from the literal closet to Rufus' closet, to Gwendolyn's shocking revelation to Twan's accidental shooting, to the Big Man's predicament. 

What Would Senator Santorum Say?

"At age ten the madam put the child in a cage with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons. They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest."

Bears bangin' little girls. Whose brainchild? Of course, a card-carrying member of the "family values party."

But They All Look Alike

You ever hear of Zadie Smith? Well, she's a famous black author from London. English father, Jamaican mother. And as illustrated above, a pretty nice looking woman. So Vogue magazine decided to run a feature on her. And they did. Great, right? Well, not really. Turns out the featured photograph was of an entirely different black woman. Oops.

Gotta figure that someone at Vogue gots some 'splainin' to do.

"Flathead: The Peculiar Genius of Thomas Friedman"

Taibbi cracks me up.

And I don't care how much coin he's making, you can't tell me that a masterful smackdown like that doesn't seriously burn a pseudo-intellectual blowhard like Friedman. Fantastic stuff.

AofG Extra: The bit about Bush works nicely with John Chait's spot on editorial in the L.A. Times.

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Can we all agree that the children of anyone who purchases this book must spend a long weekend in Neverland? Thanks.

"The Round Mound of Profound"

A top-shelf thought-provoking review of Charles Barkley's new book "Who's Afraid of a Large Black Man?" courtesy of AofG all-star Puddy. Here's a taste:

Yes, the primary focus of the interviews involves leading black politicians, educators, and celebrities. Even so, the message isn't "Kill Whitey." It’s not that you should feel oppressed by someone who looks down on you; it’s not that the black man isn’t getting a fair shake. It’s that those people who have historically been mistreated because of race aren’t doing enough for themselves to dig out of the holes created long ago.

The key message? Do something.

Nice work, AB.

(You can check out AB's and MemBengal's work daily over at The Sportsfrog.)