The Airing of Grievances

Al Sharpton -v- Cornel West

The Big Reverend Al calls out Cornel West. Beautiful. (Fun starts at about the 2:00 mark.)

Did I exceed my word limit Assman?

Dr. Whatley...from the back of a truck

Yeah, let me take a break from my life of helping people who "accidentally" sit on snow globes or suffer from broken extremities because they feel it was a great idea to snowboard down a freeway ramp to chime in today. Last year I emceed this mess we call Festivus from a bar, and I ended up so drunk that I never officially ended it. Then I disappeared for all of a year and well, fuck it, here I am...with quite a bit to grieve aboot. (yeah I said 'aboot'. I live near Canada, eh?) Now I'm typing this piecemeal from the back of a Type III Advanced Life Support Ambulance, so unless I break out the narcotic box and shoot my ass up with some Morphine, I should get through it just fine.

Now, let me say this: I have gone a whole year without writing much of anything, anywhere. That doesn't mean I haven't had a lot of problems with a lot of people, I have. But my time has been so goddamn busy that I couldn't get my now fat again ass to sit down and punch this shit out in a coherent manner. I've been around, just silent, like that bitch in Twilight Zone: The Movie who just stares at the TV and has no mouth, yeah, you can call me that creepy fucker.

Well, now I have a mouth and I'm gonna use it. Wait. That sounds pretty bad, like I'm some crack head looking to suck some cock for a McChicken sammich. Whatever.

I gotta lot of problems with:

Kids Christmas Concerts. Yeah, last year I took a shot at little apple chewing fuckers the world round. Despite my having three kids of my own, I have to say that I hate kids. Even worse are their pushy, "my kids are perfect" parents with their flabby mom-arms and Lee jean wearing dickhead dads, driving a Yukon with the special bumper sticker that says, "I tote my brats everywhere in this gas hog because they're awesome and Al Gore can fuck himself". Well 'tis the season where I have to sit amongst a crowd of these self-indulgent assholes at least once a year while their big headed brats sing "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" sounding like a cat got caught in Fargo's wood chipper. What is our fascination with this horse shit every year? Flash going off on cameras, video recording while their kid picks his nose and eats it like it is manna from heaven. You have to get there earlier than Thanksgiving to get a seat that isn't in the parking lot. Shit I get better seats at Cubs games. Let's not forget that there are grandparents involved too. Hell, at the last concert I went to a few days ago, you'd think a Neil Diamond tribute group was in attendance singing along behind me. For fucks sake you foley catheter wearing, liver spotted, psoriasis having clown, it's a kids concert, not your last foray into singing at Carnegie Hall so shut the fuck up! Speaking of old fogies...

Nursing Homes. Now I deal with these places on a daily basis. And I can't blame the old people in there. Most of them can't remember the last time they took a shit, (which happened to be five minutes ago on my ambulance cot by the way), so they get a pass. I DO have a problem with the lazy fucktards who find out their 94 year old mother has the balance of a dredle and thinks she's Mary Queen of Scots, so why not dump her incontinent ass in a facility that reeks of infectious piss and egg salad sandwiches. Sure, that's the way mom would've wanted to go out, of course. Unbelievable. I'm amazed at the people that do this to loved ones. What goes on in their heads? "Well, mom pissed and shit herself again, not my problem anymore. I need to hit the beach in Clearwater, Peace!"? I see them all the time. What's worse is they drop in once a year to say hi and they bring the little Bubble Yum snapping fuckers with them to sit on grandmas lap, further pushing on her bladder dribbling piss all over everything. Dr. Kevorkian had it right folks. He had it right.

Muck Fichigan

So, I'm posting this now because on Saturday, when I wanted to originally write, I was fucking shitfaced beyond all recognition. In fact, if I had typed anything after what I experienced, I'm pretty sure it would have come across like half of the MySpace blogs written on a daily basis...illegible and full of such bullshit nonsense that people would question the very existence of brain matter in my skull. So, I refrained. Good call.

Where was I to get so absolutely polluted? An Elton John concert with Vandelay? Fuck no. A town hall teabag party in Cow Fuck, Missouri? Hardly. No, I was in East Lansing at Michigan v. Michigan State at the home for the hottest and most morally flexible co-eds north of Florida...good ol' Michigan State University. The original Land Grant state funded institution best known for graduating the most full blown alcoholics in this great land of ours and setting things on fire after a Michigan State LOSS aka my Alma Mater.

But oh what a Saturday it was. And let me tell you of a few observations I picked up (the ones I can remember anyway) from that rainy, cold, dreary drunk as fuck day...

1. Certain old people suck. Well, the group of fogeys I saw on Saturday sucked. Really old people I saw on Saturday, you are making me rethink my stance on Death Panels. You show up to a college campus, on arguably the biggest day in this State's college football season, and you trudge around all slow in your Buick Skylarks and, get this, whine that there are too many kids and too much drinking around? Goddamn it Crusty. Take your ten inch black and white magnavox to the Perkins down the road, watch JAG re-runs and choke on a piece of cherry cream pie.

2. University of Michigan Fan is the worst fan of any sport in the Nation. Yeah, even worse than Red Sox/Patriot/Celtic fan. Amazing. It's one thing to have graduated from that University, which, for the record, I think is a great school. (I mean if my kid gets into U of M, I have no problem writing that check, so long as he doesn't major in Dead European Languages, grow a beard, start dating a chick with more bush than in a National Geographic and claim that Nietzche was the single greatest influence on mankind. Because that honor goes to Gilbert Gottfried.)

But typical Michigan fan has not even set foot anywhere near Ann Arbor, let alone can even find it on the map. And they are all in your grill about football history and winningest program in CFB and MSU is the little brother and FUCK YOU SPARTY! They wear their Tate Forcier gear and still bitch about how Desmond Howard was interfered with in 1990 and STATE SUCKS all the while the grease from their work boots from their job at the local Tool and Die shop is dripping. At least this was U of M fan I saw this weekend. It was fun to see them catching hell from evereyone after the game though, what with their quick comebacks and intellectual quips like "Fuck You". Good times. Eat a bag of fuck.

3. I swore I'd never be one, but there I was, the creepy 30+ year old guy scoping the girls out. MSU has some nice looking ladies. The spank bank is filled. Hey, at least they're legal. (See: Polansky, Roman)

My brain hurts. I feel like Miguel Cabrera after a night of getting the piss beat out of him by his Latino broad for being hammered. I think I'll stop here for now. Stay thirsty my friends.

Score One For The Death Penalty Crowd

The kind of stuff that will put a hop in your step.

Facebook

I am considering making the leap. However, I have been counseled by many that it is a bad idea for a multitude of reasons.

What say you Grievers? On Facebook? Not on Facebook? Good idea to join? Bad idea to join? What's the deal?

Hard Time Warranted

Beyond completely unacceptable.

I say 20 years minimum.

Besides her, if you're him, who you going after first?

Jury?

DA?

Lawyer?

Other?

Reality Meets Theory

So it seems that African America's pre-eminent man of letters has become the latest victim in the American racial saga. Henry Louis Gates was arrested at his home after a neighbor reported a prowler. It seems that Gates had locked himself out and was trying to "break into" the house. Who reported him? A white female neighbor reported seeing two black males "with backpacks" trying to shoulder their way into the front door. The arrest charge? Disorderly conduct. When the officer arrived, Gates was inside the home. He answered the door and the officer asked for his identification. Initial reports suggested that Gates refused to show his identification. The officer's report says that Gates eventually showed his Harvard ID after initially refusing. Gates then told him "You don't know who you're messing with." He accused him of being a "racist police officer" and repeatedly asked for the officer's name. The officer states that as he exited the property, Gates continued to yell. According to the police report, Gates got into a shouting match with the officer. That was when he warned the professor that he was becoming disorderly. The arrest ensued.

Gates was arrested and detained for several hours before being released. He has hired his colleague Charles Ogletree as his lawyer. But Ogletree has refused comment so far.

Now, Gates' reaction is a little funny with his whole celebrity "You don't know who you're messing with" response. It would have been hysterical if this were all a prank on Ashton Kutcher's Punk'd. But this wasn't a prank. And his heightened, emotional response reveals the anxiety that so many black men who live in predominantly white neighborhoods still feel--that someone is watching them, that if they aren't dressed a certain way or their pants aren't tight enough or if they catch the shadow just right, someone will mistake them for the wrong negro. The bad kind. Not the good, Yale-educated, distinguished university professor kind.

Police Report.

Why People Suck

Shit like this.

"Will White People Riot?"

Great piece by Wendy Thomas -- sister of AofG Legend Aaron.

One line in there had me laughing out loud.

So, down to business, who is more likely to riot if the outcome does not go their (presumed) way?

Whites? Blacks? Others?

"This Is Your Nation on White Privilege"

Strong, to quite strong. (Shots of Absinthe to Ocho and Nice)