The Airing of Grievances

Muck Fichigan

So, I'm posting this now because on Saturday, when I wanted to originally write, I was fucking shitfaced beyond all recognition. In fact, if I had typed anything after what I experienced, I'm pretty sure it would have come across like half of the MySpace blogs written on a daily basis...illegible and full of such bullshit nonsense that people would question the very existence of brain matter in my skull. So, I refrained. Good call.

Where was I to get so absolutely polluted? An Elton John concert with Vandelay? Fuck no. A town hall teabag party in Cow Fuck, Missouri? Hardly. No, I was in East Lansing at Michigan v. Michigan State at the home for the hottest and most morally flexible co-eds north of Florida...good ol' Michigan State University. The original Land Grant state funded institution best known for graduating the most full blown alcoholics in this great land of ours and setting things on fire after a Michigan State LOSS aka my Alma Mater.

But oh what a Saturday it was. And let me tell you of a few observations I picked up (the ones I can remember anyway) from that rainy, cold, dreary drunk as fuck day...

1. Certain old people suck. Well, the group of fogeys I saw on Saturday sucked. Really old people I saw on Saturday, you are making me rethink my stance on Death Panels. You show up to a college campus, on arguably the biggest day in this State's college football season, and you trudge around all slow in your Buick Skylarks and, get this, whine that there are too many kids and too much drinking around? Goddamn it Crusty. Take your ten inch black and white magnavox to the Perkins down the road, watch JAG re-runs and choke on a piece of cherry cream pie.

2. University of Michigan Fan is the worst fan of any sport in the Nation. Yeah, even worse than Red Sox/Patriot/Celtic fan. Amazing. It's one thing to have graduated from that University, which, for the record, I think is a great school. (I mean if my kid gets into U of M, I have no problem writing that check, so long as he doesn't major in Dead European Languages, grow a beard, start dating a chick with more bush than in a National Geographic and claim that Nietzche was the single greatest influence on mankind. Because that honor goes to Gilbert Gottfried.)

But typical Michigan fan has not even set foot anywhere near Ann Arbor, let alone can even find it on the map. And they are all in your grill about football history and winningest program in CFB and MSU is the little brother and FUCK YOU SPARTY! They wear their Tate Forcier gear and still bitch about how Desmond Howard was interfered with in 1990 and STATE SUCKS all the while the grease from their work boots from their job at the local Tool and Die shop is dripping. At least this was U of M fan I saw this weekend. It was fun to see them catching hell from evereyone after the game though, what with their quick comebacks and intellectual quips like "Fuck You". Good times. Eat a bag of fuck.

3. I swore I'd never be one, but there I was, the creepy 30+ year old guy scoping the girls out. MSU has some nice looking ladies. The spank bank is filled. Hey, at least they're legal. (See: Polansky, Roman)

My brain hurts. I feel like Miguel Cabrera after a night of getting the piss beat out of him by his Latino broad for being hammered. I think I'll stop here for now. Stay thirsty my friends.

Score One For The Death Penalty Crowd

The kind of stuff that will put a hop in your step.

Facebook

I am considering making the leap. However, I have been counseled by many that it is a bad idea for a multitude of reasons.

What say you Grievers? On Facebook? Not on Facebook? Good idea to join? Bad idea to join? What's the deal?

Hard Time Warranted

Beyond completely unacceptable.

I say 20 years minimum.

Besides her, if you're him, who you going after first?

Jury?

DA?

Lawyer?

Other?

Reality Meets Theory

So it seems that African America's pre-eminent man of letters has become the latest victim in the American racial saga. Henry Louis Gates was arrested at his home after a neighbor reported a prowler. It seems that Gates had locked himself out and was trying to "break into" the house. Who reported him? A white female neighbor reported seeing two black males "with backpacks" trying to shoulder their way into the front door. The arrest charge? Disorderly conduct. When the officer arrived, Gates was inside the home. He answered the door and the officer asked for his identification. Initial reports suggested that Gates refused to show his identification. The officer's report says that Gates eventually showed his Harvard ID after initially refusing. Gates then told him "You don't know who you're messing with." He accused him of being a "racist police officer" and repeatedly asked for the officer's name. The officer states that as he exited the property, Gates continued to yell. According to the police report, Gates got into a shouting match with the officer. That was when he warned the professor that he was becoming disorderly. The arrest ensued.

Gates was arrested and detained for several hours before being released. He has hired his colleague Charles Ogletree as his lawyer. But Ogletree has refused comment so far.

Now, Gates' reaction is a little funny with his whole celebrity "You don't know who you're messing with" response. It would have been hysterical if this were all a prank on Ashton Kutcher's Punk'd. But this wasn't a prank. And his heightened, emotional response reveals the anxiety that so many black men who live in predominantly white neighborhoods still feel--that someone is watching them, that if they aren't dressed a certain way or their pants aren't tight enough or if they catch the shadow just right, someone will mistake them for the wrong negro. The bad kind. Not the good, Yale-educated, distinguished university professor kind.

Police Report.

Why People Suck

Shit like this.

"Will White People Riot?"

Great piece by Wendy Thomas -- sister of AofG Legend Aaron.

One line in there had me laughing out loud.

So, down to business, who is more likely to riot if the outcome does not go their (presumed) way?

Whites? Blacks? Others?

"This Is Your Nation on White Privilege"

Strong, to quite strong. (Shots of Absinthe to Ocho and Nice)

It Is Biden and ...

Yeah, a little late to the party, but I was busy playing 45 holes yesterday and I never got my text! Speaking of the 45, best shot of my life yesterday. About 5 yards behind a trap with about a 10-foot lip, pin tucked in pretty tightly close to the trap, green sloping away from me heavily downhill from right to left, can only see the top of the pin. Flop one up, lands right over trap, just on the fringe, about 20 feet to right of the hole, thinking it may have a shot, sprint out to right of trap, see the ball trickling down towards the cup, start my get-in-the-hole bit, rims around and bullseye, drops right in there. Bedlam. Absolute bedlam. Gave me the birdie and three skins (two of which had carried over.) I gotta be honest, even though I was just playing some b.s., match, overall score and skins against my bro, seeing that ball roll in had to be one of the top 3 sporting moments in my life. I gotta think the old people on the green next to us must think I'm affirmatively insane. Just the major effin' awesomeness. I can't imagine what it would be like to nail a hole in one. Hoepfully one of these days I'll find out.

Anyway, so what do you Grievers think of the Biden pick. Fan? Not a fan? Why? Why not? (I am fan if for no other reason that it is not Hillary.)

The Odd Couple

AofG UPDATE -- Wishing to avoid heinous accustations of duplicating topics, and unnecessarily enlisting the services of the Good Sergeant Major Klompus, I've decided to just provide this update. Be sure to watch the video until the very end. Unreal. Just really unfuckingreal.

Original Post, 7/30/08 -- As for the title, it's the first thing I thought of when I saw this video, and realized that the NYPD had very likely made Jack Klompus' day. (Thanks, Nice. High comedy.)

Is the cop a dick? Yes? No? Why?

AofG Historical Link: Klompus on cyclists.