The Airing of Grievances

Good to See Georgia Still Tops The Retard Chart

Look. I think Girl Scouts and their fucking cookies might be the closest thing we have to Beezlebub on Earth. They remind me of that rabbit in "Monty Python and The Holy Grail". Just sitting there, all cute and cuddly like, politely bugging the fuck out of me about their goddamn cookies and sonofabitch if I can't pass those Samoas up out of fear that their flabby armed mothers will chuck their iPhones at me while driving their Tahoes after posting on facebook how "Little Johnny just shit all over the dehumidifier...he's so cute!" I mean, I make it a point to hike several miles out of my way to avoid one of their stands. I'll pay top dollar on a Delta flight AND pay extra to check a bag if necessary just to avoid them. Unfortunately, Delta's hub is in Atlanta, which is in Georgia which leads me to...

Of course, leave it to Georgtards putting this story on the TV map. Of course, my fear and loathing of all things Georgia far outweigh my hatred for mombies who see no problem with their fat fuck girls eating more of their product than they actually sell while justifying it by paying top dollar to cover their asses. Worse yet, it's a Georgia cop that did all of this. And having never seen a Georgia cop in person, I assume he looks like this guy.

 

Anyway, way to go Georgia. Proving once again the North was completely wrong for giving a shit about you back in the 1860's. And fuck you too, General Sherman. You should've burned it down completely.

Uh-Oh!

I'm not sayin'...I'm just sayin'.

Wait...I wasn't the first one that thought of that?

Off the Retard Chart

Here's some words on it.

This is sure to be a hit with the Soho crowd.   

"After being alerted to Mrs Fraser's criticism, the group said it was "open to talking to the family directly if they have any concerns".  

Wow.  All I can say is if it was my kid I'd definitely be sitting in a jail cell by now.   

Talk Like a Pirate Day Suddenly Not So Funny

Confession...I never thought it was funny anyway. Sophomoric at best. Although my 4 year old is constantly telling the "Why did the pirate go to the movies" joke but the way she says "ARRRRRR" is so much more violent than you'd normally anticipate from a four year that it's actually quite hilarious.

So as you might have heard, two couples from California were travelling around the world on some sort of religious mission delivering bibles, because it's apparently very important to yuppies from Orange County that people in Somalia believe the same shit that they believe. Their boat was hi-jacked by pirates (obviously) and to make a long story short...they're dead.

At approximately 1 a.m. EST today, while negotiations were ongoing to secure the release of four American hostages, U.S. forces responded to gunfire aboard the pirated vessel (S/V) Quest. As they responded to the gunfire, reaching and boarding the Quest, the forces discovered all four hostages had been shot by their captors. Despite immediate steps to provide life-saving care, all four hostages ultimately died of their wounds... During the boarding of the Quest, the reaction force was engaged by pirates on board the vessel. Two pirates died during the confrontation and 13 were captured and detained along with two pirates already in US Forces custody. The US Forces also found the remains of two other pirates already dead aboard the Quest. In total, it is believed 19 pirates were involved in the hijacking of the S/V Quest.

Still some unanswered questions here of course. You might remember the last time that Somali pirates captured a U.S. Boat they were pegged off by some bad-ass navy seals. So what happened this time? Same approach but too late? Ransom money being asked was too much? We just don't negotiate with pirates? We just figured that people dumb enough to go into those waters on a nonsensical mission deserve to die?

Of course, I'm kidding on that last one. If we had that mentality, we never would have sent Bubba to get those two chicks that decided North Korea was safe.

Psychopath, or "Not Moron"?

So I was listening to the radio today, because...well, because I was in a car, and the morning talk show hosts came up with a question that was said to be able to determine whether or not one was a psychopath. Apparently some dude back in the day came up with it and gave it much more credit than it probably should have been given in diagnosing psychopathic tendencies. So here's the question, paraphrased (answer after the jump):

"A woman is at her mother's funeral and sees what she determines is the man of her dreams. At the end of the funeral, he leaves before she has a chance to acquire his phone number or any other way to get a hold of him. She is unable to contact this man. A few days later, she murders her sister. Why did she kill her sister?"

A Valentine's Day Tip for Lovers

It's International Love Day at The Airing of Grievances, and if you're not buying your woman a life-sized orangutan like Vandelay does, you're not even trying.

That said, here's a little bit of grief for some of you lovers who like to use the Facebooks. Not all of you, but... I'm talking about the people who share a profile with their spouse. If your first name on your profile is "Jim and Jenny" or some variation thereof, the rest of this post is directed toward you.

Why Obama Can't Lose in 2012

Start photoshopping his face where Corin Nemec's used to be. I don't care if your magical Mayan calendar has a photo of a meteor flying straight up the man's ass. I don't care if you put him on the ballot against Justin Bieber, Bill Belichek and Avatar. I don't care if you find a chubby girl with middlin' self esteem under his desk every weekend. Obama has got 2012 in the bag.

Craigslist Tips

 

Above is Congressman Chris Lee (Dontcarewhatpartyhesfrom, NY), a Buffalo-area representative wearing something slightly more casual than standard legislative attire. Now, let me say up front that this is not political. Do not comment that he's another Republican "pro-family" sexual deviant or that Democrats have their sexual deviants and we just don't hear about them because we have such a liberal media or that at least this Republican deviant was trying to pick up a woman or that Obama has forced the taxpayers to take rape showers after cutting a check to the IRS. It's not about that. This is about simple realizations that people in these positions of public notoreity CANNOT SEND FUCKING DICK PICS FROM THEIR PERSONAL EMAIL ACCOUNTS.

Cliches

Here from the Minnesota Vikings, courtesy of PFT, is a blurb from a letter that was sent out to season-ticket holders asking for payments for the 2011 season*:

“We resolve to run around, through and over any team that stands in our way. To play every down like it’s 4th and inches. To feed the hot hand and feed off of the roar of the 12th man. To never let Sunday be a day of rest for our opponents. To keep our eyes and our hearts on the prize. To always remember we’re playing for the greatest fans in the world.”

From Egypt: "Regarding The Brotherhood" by Omar Kamel

As some of you know, a close friend of mine is Egyptian and has been right smack in the middle of the fray in Tahrir Square. She was apprended the other day, which sent a shockwave of fear through all those who know and love her, which are many. She has since been released and recently shared this story from the ground written by one of her friends. I know I haven't posted on here in forever (and major kudos to Vandelay, Klompus, Newman and Assman for keeping this place alive and well), but I figured sharing this was a good a reason as any to wipe the dust off my AofG keyboard. Without further adieu, "Regarding the Brotherhood" by Omar Kamel.