Happy Festivus! I have a moderate amount of problems with you people.
The fact that nobody will pick up my screenplay on Hitlers life, "10 Things I hate About Jew"
TV Shows that show a preview for the show you are watching at the end of a commercial break to fuck up people that are watching it on Tivo. You know what you are doing.If I wanted to watch commericals, I wouldn't spend the 10 bucks a month on DVR. Respect my purchasing decision, and stop making your commercials look like my show just came back on. You don't have to sell me on watching how i met your mother. I'm already doing it. Really.
The Economy- As much fun as its been not having a job from July-Present, being broke is getting a little bit tiring. Have we really collapsed the American Economy to the point to where none of us will have jobs? I have skills! I'm not completely useless.
Family- Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your family 5 states away and stop speaking to them forever. I guess everybody learns the life lessons to not go into business with people you are related to. Really didn't expect you to fuck me over so badly though. Even people connected to you by blood can get consumed by greed.
The Press- I was briefly involved in a project that got media attention for a little bit in a tangential way, and my cell phone rang non-fucking-stop for the better part of 3 months. What the fuck part of NO COMMENT makes you call me day after day after day?? Jesus fucking Christ. Stop. Just Stop. I've seen lock-jawed pitbulls with less tenacity.
Every Vampire Movie in the history of ever. Team Edward! Team Jacob! how bout team go eat a bag of baby dicks? What are you doing with your life people?
Frank Bush, Master of the worst Passing Defense in NFL history- Where bad qb's are made to look great, Great qb's are made to look legendary, and Rusty Smith still fucking sucks. Its truely amazing that the Texans won a single game this year. The cb's give 8-10 yards of cushion on every reciever, every play. Nobody can tackle worth a fuck. A 4 point lead can't hold up for 80 yards and 17 seconds. Every week its like sitting down to a game of get kicked in the balls. I used to live and die by texans football. Now i just die. I've been robbed of the one thing every fan should have, and thats hope. Dead inside, all thanks to you frank. and speaking of.....
The football gods. I have no idea if you exist. Its hard not to think I'm being punished for something. Has any team, in any season been punished by 3 cruel losses like the Texans? The Jacksonville game, lost in the final 3 seconds on a hail mary pass that Glover Quin graciously swatted down into the hands of a waiting receiver. That was the first, brutal loss to take. Why? Who deserves to lose like that? Fine, jacksonville is a better team and deserved to win. I'll buy that. No big deal. The false hope that 4th quarter inspired was unnecessary though. If you are going to lose the game, just fucking lose it. Don't toy with my emotions like a cat with a crippled mouse. Game 2. The Jets Game. We get our asses kicked for 3 1/2 quarters, make a miracle comeback, take the lead with 17 seconds left. A four fucking point lead. Every houston fan watching this game isn't ecstatic. we are all universally thinking "You left them too much time". You can read the gameday threads from both texans boards. Nobody thought we had that game, even with the lead. Mark Sanchez bombs a couple of passes and we look like idiots to the rest of the league. Mark Fucking Sanchez. He's NOT VERY GOOD. Of course, Hellen fucking keller could go 18-23 for 302 and 3tds against our secondary. Seriously. After the 2nd brutal loss, our season spirals rapidly out of control, as they all do, until our primetime showdown with the Baltimore Ravens on MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL!. Baltimore spends the first half beating the shit out of us, Houston scrambles back in the 3rd and 4th, ties the game with a few seconds left, gets it to overtime, we lose the toss, somehow our defense miraculously decides to stop another team when it matters, Schaub gets the ball, and promptly throws a game ending pick 6 to josh wilson. Really??? What other team does this shit happen to? Why bother coming back at all if this is whats going to happen. Only thing i can figure is that andre johnson had himself on his own fantasy football team.
Myself- You suck at grieving. Time to hang it up for another year, go back to reading other people grieve more eloquently, more profanely, and profoundly more entertainingly. Thanks for the cyberspace to vent AofG.
Until Next Year