3D - You're not that impressive. "3D is gay. Nobody wants to sit on a couch wearing glasses poppin’ bubbles out of the air like some sort of fucked up Ray Charles." Kenny Powers was spot on. Only kids and idiots like you. See you again in 30 years or when new technology makes you obsolete.
My digestive system - I turned 30 and now you can't process hot wings? That's how it's gonna be, eh? Did you and my knees and my back all get together and form some type of evil alliance to fuck me. Well FUCK YOU. I accept your challenge. Process the shit I eat or we're all going down together. You started this. I'll kill all of us. You know I will. Your move shithead.
North Korea - Your country has the most impressive short man syndrome in the entire world. Other countries don't want to fight you because then they would have to deal with your big brother China. You do something really stupid again and your big brother will put you down like the boy in Old Yeller who loves you, but has to. No one cares how many soldiers you have. It's like you haven't even looked at other countries weapons on wikipedia. Idiot.
Old drivers - You're lucky I'm not on a healthcare death panel because I would pull the plug on all of you. If driving really confuses you and you can't maintain the speed limit, then stop driving. If you can't properly operate a motor vehicle and insist on still driving, then I hope your heater goes out and you freeze this winter. Your kids probably don't love you too.
My ex girlfriend - You broke up with me because I don't believe in Jesus? Fucking really? Give me something I can understand like "being a selfish prick" or "you're an alcoholic" or "you have no goals in life" or "you've never given me an orgasm" or absolutely anything else. There's a shit ton of more reasons not to be with me, but Jesus?!!? Well GOD DAMN IT.