I was gonna post something about that oil spill disaster in the Gulf of Mexico and then make fun of BFF but fortunately, I then came across this. Let’s break it down…
No but it looks like I got myself into a story that the Boston herald is actually trying to pass off as news.
South Boston toddler Jadm Moschella apparently thought he’d hit the motherload Saturday night when, while out to dinner with his parents and stepsister, he reached for a glass and began drinking - a white Russian intended for his dad!
Ha! Nice. Jadm’s parents must have gotten a nice laugh out of that one.
“It’s white and he thought it was milk. He took one sip and started gagging,” said 2-year-old Jadm’s outraged mother, Jessica Smith, 22, who immediately called police from her table at the Rainbow Dragon restaurant on West Broadway.
Wait…what? Five-O? You called the cops because you let your kid take a sip of his dad’s femmy drink while you weren’t paying attention to him. Really?
“I was so scared,” she told the Herald. “I grabbed it out of his hand. Jeez. Try to get dinner and it’s a crime scene.”
Right. It’s just like when you’re out to dinner with your family enjoying a nice meal and the couple three tables over get into an argument and she pulls a pistol out of her purse and shoots him in the head. Seriously, this chick better be smoking hot and crazy in bed. I’m still not sure it’d be worth it.
Smith said Jadm’s father, Albert Moschella, 35, had ordered the potent potion of vodka, cream and coffee liquer, while his daughter was waiting on a Sprite and Smith, a fruity sex on the beach cocktail.
I’m gonna go easy on Albert and his questionable life and drink choices (seriously…a White Russian with Chinese food?) and just focus on our reporter for a second. Forget the misspelling of “liqueur” and just read that sentence again. Was I the only one that thought the daughter ordered a drink called a Sprite and Smith which is some type of variation of a Sex on the Beach? After reading it 5 times I think I’ve concluded that the daughter ordered a Sprite and the wife, whose last name is Smith, ordered a Sex on the Beach. Phew.
Liang Hu, a manager at Rainbow Dragon, said the family’s waiter placed all the beverages in the center of the table and later apologized for the mixup.
Meh…I wouldn’t really care at all because I’m not a dickbag looking to get into with waiters but a good waiter should really give everyone their drink.
“The kids’ parents ordered the drinks. Our waiter made the drinks. The waiter put the drinks on the table. The parents didn’t watch the kids,” Hu charged.
“Kid’s”. Yes though…that’s exactly what happened. It’s called a non-story.
Smith acknowledged the waiter’s mea culpa, but said, “My son just drank alcohol. Sorry’s not going to cover it. I said to him, ‘Did you card my 2-year-old tonight?’ ”
There was no mea culpa you fucking retard. He pretty much held you completely accountable for your son drinking alcohol.
Smith accepted responsibility for parental distractions as she said the drinks were served while she was gathering up the menus to give their food order. She said Moschella was reading his horoscope to his daughter from a placemat.
This kid is 2 years old which means he probably weighs about 30 pounds and is around 2.5 feet tall. You have a drink in the middle of the table and he managed to reach it, bring it over to himself, and drink it, while the parents were distracted collecting menus and reading horoscopes? Were you born without peripheral vision? The kid more than likely had to literally climb on the fucking table to reach a drink in the middle.
Paramedics responded to the eatery and determined Jadm was fine, and a grateful Smith said her son, seemingly bored with his Big Burst juice box, never acted tipsy.
WHAT? YOU CALLED THE FUCKING PARAMEDICS TOO??? HOLY SHIT!!! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!
“He’s a smart 2-year-old,” she said. “We go (to Rainbow Dragon) all the time, but I’ll never go back.”
Rainbow Dragon: “This is the best news since Massachusetts passed legislation allowing gay dragons to marry. (BOOM!)
Boston police spokesman officer Joe Zanoli said the incident appeared to have been an accident that fortunately ended well.
No…it didn’t end well, Joe. It ended as ridiculously as it started. What normally should have been a humorous incident followed by a couple of self-deprecating comments about “what degenerate parents we are” and a lesson learned; it ended with cops and paramedics and insanity and a poorly written article about it in the Boston Herald.
“The preliminary investigation does not show any wrongdoing by the establishment,” Zanoli said. “We will look into any potential violations. If any are found, a licensed premise violation may be issued at a later date.”
Awesome. I’m sure Massholes everywhere are ecstatic that more of their tax money will be allocated towards this “investigation.”