It was funny at one point. At least I thought it was funny and really that's all I care about. I think I carved a nice little niche with that whole "Vandelay goes to concerts that only chicks and homosexuals go to and has a good time and then blogs about it" schtick and if my self-deprecation can inspire a few laughs then I figured...why the hell not? I'm certainly past any point in my life where I'm trying to impress anyone (the curve ball is still fucking nasty though). Unfortunately, I think this is going to just about do it because I need to be beaten like a rented mule for what I've done and I'm pleading to a nation of Grievers to take care of business for me here.
Now, I don't want to beat around the bush and I certainly don't want to say the wrong thing or mislead you in any way. I need a good old fashioned ass-kicking. I can't do this anymore and there's really only one solution: unfathomable amounts of pain inflicted upon me for a long time. I don't necessarily want to die but I know the risks going in. Bring Chuck Norris if you must. Bring Clubber Lang! Bring the Gimp for all I care! Bring torture devices that will make Barry Manilow music seem like Jimi Hendrix while tripping on acid!
It's become clear that I don't have the will power to turn this around without assistance. I'm asking, begging, pleading...save me from myself, Grievers. I got nothing left. I got nowhere else to go!
But the Gimp's sleepin'.
Seriously, though... Air Supply? Jesus, that makes me feel a hundred times better for wanting to go see Steely Dan here in November.
Posted by: H.E. Pennypacker | September 24, 2009 at 12:03 AM
But the Gimp's sleepin'.
Well, wake 'im up.
Vandelay, I'm pretty sure that nasty hook of yours would land in the Kaufmann Stadium fountain if it ventured somewhere on the inside half down by my knees. Just sayin'.
Posted by: Dr. Whatley | September 24, 2009 at 09:02 AM
Yeah, Steely Dan would be the most masculine concert I've seen in 2 years.
Posted by: Art Vandelay | September 24, 2009 at 10:02 AM
I can't do this anymore and there's really only one solution: unfathomable amounts of pain inflicted upon me for a long time.
For the rest of the season you are a die hard Patriots fan. Burn all Pittsburgh wares, don a "We'll Miss You, Teddy" t-shirt to all sporting events, cut the sleeves off all your sweatshirts (oh yea, forgot, you've already done that), hang out with your brother-in-law every Sunday forgoing all alcohol like him, and go get a colonoscopy. Repeat as necessary.
Posted by: Mr. Kruger | September 24, 2009 at 12:56 PM
Driving Mr. Lewis.
Ray, that is.
Yup, a full year of that.
Posted by: jackie | September 25, 2009 at 02:22 AM