Kanye West Hates White People
I'm sure everyone except for maybe my brother has heard about Kanye's little stunt at the VMAs by now. It's a big deal because it gave like seventy of my facebook friends a chance to spew their moral indignation all over the joint and many other people the opportunity to state something painfully obvious but act like they were being enlightening. Yes, Kanye is an idiot. Kanye also sorta has a point though.
How the fuck does Beyonce' win "Best Video" but not "Best Female Video"? There's only two conclusions to be drawn here...
1. It's a stupid token award that means nothing and Taylor Swift shouldn't take herself so seriously.
2. Beyonce' has a penis.
I mean, as far as awards go, this is about as condescending as they come anyway, isn't it? Can we start calling Tyson Gay the best male sprinter on the planet?
Serena Hates Asian People
So she's serving to stay in her semi-final match at Flushing Meadows at 15-30 and foot-faults a second serve bringing it to 15-40 whereby she decides to threaten the line judge that had the audacity to enforce the rules of tennis resulting in a point penalty on match point and subsequently costing her the match. I hate this idea that anything goes on big points. I tip my hat to that little Asian woman and wouldn't ever want to see Chiles' girlfriend "shove a fucking ball up her ass."
Want to know the best way to avoid this happening to you if you ever happen to be in a US Open semi? Don't foot-fault! Everybody who picks up tennis should watch Boris Becker serve and just learn it. Becker would have never gotten called for a foot-fault because he doesn't move his feet and way too many players have to pull this shit with their back foot coming around and it's completely unnecessary. I offer her no points and may God have mercy on her soul.
Leodis McKelvin Hates His Knee
Seriously...that was retarded. Thankfully for him, it was only the second-most retarded thing from that game though...
1. Kanye's argument is debatable. First of all, consider the audience and purpose. The reason for the show is to sell artists - not award excellence. If the accolade was for the video, they'd give the trophy to the director. Kanye, as an adult, should know that.
Second, she might have won the award due to the scoring system. What if you score a video on good female performance, excellent production and quality of song? If Taylor scores 10, 5 and 3 respectivley, she'd have Best Female Video, but would lose Best Video to Beyonce's 8, 8 and 9.
I'm embarrassed to have even thought about it this much.
2.) Okay.... YOU tell Serena that.
3.) Fine and good. I just want to say that, in the second game last night, that touchdown before halftime was a touchdown. If you catch a ball, then get one toe from each foot in the grass of the end zone, it's a touchdown. Who cares if you fumble when you hit the ground? Catch, tuck and toes? Six points.
Posted by: Assman | September 15, 2009 at 12:41 PM
1 - Kanye's right about Beyonce's video being best. He was wrong that people cared to hear from him in the middle of some teenage girl's acceptance speech.
2 - I thought she wanted to shove the ball "down her throat" and not "up her ass"? Not sure the significance of the distinction, but still. She looks sexy when mad.
3 - As I stated on my facebook, 4 consecutive lost Superbowls, the Music City Miracle, and last night's MNF fiasco that I will forever refer to as "The Collapse"... Buffalo has like 6 of the worst 10 losses ever.
Posted by: Aaron | September 15, 2009 at 01:45 PM
Assman...what exactly does "good female performance" mean? Could Taylor Swift's female performance possibly exceeded that of Beyonce' shaking her ass in the Single Ladies video?
I think the rule is that you have to have possession through contact with the ground but yes...it's very subjective. Are the Raiders decent or was that an abberation or are the Chargers not as good as Mike and Mike kept saying they were?
After thinking about it more, I think McKelvin was actually right to take the ball out.
Posted by: Art Vandelay | September 15, 2009 at 02:34 PM
"Good female performance" was an example. I was trying to describe a scenario in which videos are scored across several different metrics and awards are assigned based on scores in those metrics. Think of an Olympic gymnastics team that wins gold in the 200 meter butterfly, but, because of poor performance in the other races, isn't considered to be among the overall leaders.
It's a subjective rule, but I still feel like it was poorly interpreted. If you catch and tuck, you've made a catch. The issue is whether or not he fell to the ground because it was a diving catch (it wasn't) or because the defender brought him down.
And McKelvin's biggest mistake was not having two hands on the ball.
Posted by: Assman | September 15, 2009 at 03:02 PM
It's a weird rule. Something similar happened with Santonio in the AFCC last year and I'm still incredibly confused by it.
Posted by: Art Vandelay | September 15, 2009 at 03:09 PM
I would like to have Taylor Swift catch my balls and touch her toes.
Posted by: Dr. Whatley | September 15, 2009 at 03:46 PM
Kanye West makes me want to recede further into my warm, safe Steely Dan coccoon.
Posted by: H.E. Pennypacker | September 15, 2009 at 07:31 PM
Why was Aaron Rodgers playing QB for the Patriots?
Posted by: Newman | September 15, 2009 at 10:06 PM
issue #2: a) Calling a foot fault that was barely perceptible in the close up views on what could be the last game of the match is completely wrong. Someone forgot to train that woman properly.
b) Getting yourself docked on match point is pure narcissism. What a waste- I still don't think she gets it. She's definitely not the sharp knife in the draw.
issue #1: oh my god!!!! i can't believe i missed that!! i'm appalled!! i need to know what the rest of the gay retarded world thinks is saying about this!!!!!!!!
issue #3: what's the issue here?? i think the Joe Wilson outburst would fit nicely in this slot.
Posted by: Mr. Kruger | September 16, 2009 at 09:53 AM
i think the Joe Wilson outburst would fit nicely in this slot.
I was leaving that one for you to cover.
Posted by: Art Vandelay | September 16, 2009 at 10:58 AM
"i think the Joe Wilson outburst would fit nicely in this slot"
Before or after ACORN?
Posted by: Jack Klompus | September 16, 2009 at 01:26 PM
She's definitely not the sharp knife in the draw.
Come again?
Posted by: Jackie | September 16, 2009 at 02:21 PM
Before or after ACORN?
?
Come again?
-est
Posted by: Mr. Kruger | September 16, 2009 at 02:40 PM
"Come again?"
You know, every draw has just one sharp knife. Do need to spel it out for?
Posted by: Jack Klompus | September 16, 2009 at 02:51 PM
Who the fuck watches music videos?
Posted by: Kenny Bania | September 17, 2009 at 10:36 AM