Think Classy, You'll Be Classy

Unfortunately, this little lesson once preached by Crash Davis hasn't sunk into the assholes known as "Wrigley Field Bleacher Bums".

Let it be known that Dr. Whatley, (in the best third person reference ever), is a huge Cubs fan. I have been following these lovable losers since I was nine years old on WGN basic cable the year basic cable became basic cable. I know a thing or two about this club, it's loser-y history, management that could give a flying fuck about bringing in the best personnel, all that shit. Yet it was always Wrigley Field and the fans that I stuck up for when people came down on me for being a Cubbie-douche. "The World's Largest Beer Garden"..."A Piece of Living History"..."They'll win it this year for sure"...

You know the palaver.

But fucking A. The above move was the least classy move I have seen out of anyone in quite a while.

Let me see if I got this straight uber-douche-Cub-fan:

My and your team (The Cubs) is getting a new asshole torn courtesy of a man with an arm made from used model airplane parts (Pedro Martinez) to the tune of 12-1 in your house (Wrigley) on national TV (ESPN) and you pick that time to be a dick?

Look here fucker. My phone has been rigning off the hook since last night from people all over the goddamn place letting me have it because of your dickholian need to prove to your fellow frat boys and that fat chick in the front row that it is you that has the slightly larger penis by throwing a beer on a player trying to catch a fly ball. It is you that has now sullied the rest of us Cub fans desire to just let history be our own ass beating and brought upon us a wrath that we are all drunkards that wear Abercrombie with mop top hair and chick jeans, you dildo.

Our team is embarassing enough at this point, champ. They are playing with the heart of a scarecrow and a retardedly high payroll with an inept GM and a manager that, until the other day, might as well gone all Frank Robinson and nap every game this year. Now this.

Look. Maybe I'm creating a mountain out of a mole hill here, but I'm just tired of people looking at me like I am Lucifer's cousin out to fuck meth heads in their toothless mouths, all because I'm "related" to this clown distantly by being a Cub Superfan. Phew...

*starts an IV of Morphine*

On a funnier note, I love how Victorino is filing a report in order to prosecute this guy, and all the comments saying Wrigley fans are all classless. This from a guy that plays his games in "Cheesesteak Heart Attack Waiting Fuck Michael Irvin and His Paralyzed Ass and Take Santa with You" Philadelphia.

Hoo boy,,,that's rich.

What's this guys punishment, if any? I say it's a taxi ride to south Philly and dump him out by the airport.

Comments

[jackie]

This is the only Chicago Cubs history of which JC is aware.

[Jack Klompus]

"The World's Largest Beer Garden"

White Sox fans refer to Wrigley as "The World's Largest Gay Bar." Fun little factoid for you.

[Schmoopie]

White Sox fans are goddamned homophobes. Real men ain't afraid of no gay men.

The beer-tosser turned himself in to the Chicago PD today.

[Dr. Whatley]

I'm pissed that the rest of my post was deleted. This is only half of what I wrote and damn it all if I can't figure out how the hell that happened.

[Vandelay]

I was just gonna say...this appears somewhat incomplete. Did TypePad eat it?

[H.E. Pennypacker]

I've been to Wrigley three times in the past two years, and every time I go, I'm astonished at how much people drink... and really, who doesn't enjoy pissing in a trough?

[Mr. Kruger]

and every time I go, I'm astonished at how much people drink

you're not serious... right? Pennypacker are you the only Canadian not like the dudes in "Strange Brew"?

[Watt Lee]

I was just gonna say...this appears somewhat incomplete. Did TypePad eat it?

It looks like Typepad puked it back up.