Ok, you might not all be track and field aficionados, but...you should probably recognize that Usain Bolt is being ridiculous right now. Like, he's doing things that were, as of a few years ago, only possible on that track and field game that I rented once for Sega Dreamcast. A 9.58? It seemed possible after the Olympics last year, but not for a few years after Bolt gradually lowered the record under 9.60. This is a huge jump in a record that studies had actually shown (seriously) may had been asymptotically close to approaching its peak. Well, Bolt just blew it out of the water, and I don't mean that he gave it a BJ on dry land. He just treated the record like Rihanna. Usain Bolt, ladies and gentlemen...the Chris Brown of the 100 meter dash.
This 1.2% decrease in the world record is astounding, so let me put that 1.2% into perspective for you.
- Imagine that instead of having a population of 8.3 million, NYC had a population of 8.4 million. OMG CRAZYTIME!
- Imagine the media reaction over the JonBenet Ramsey ordeal if instead of being 7 years old, she were only 6.916 years old! INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE!
- Mark McGwire's 70 homerun season bested Roger Maris' 61 homerun season by 9 homeruns. Wow. But imagine if Big Mac had beaten Maris by 9.109 homeruns! HOLY MOTHER OF GREG LOUGANIS!
- I once did 2 chicks in one day. Yeah, I know...straight player status, yo! But imagine if I had f-ed 2.024 girls that day. WOW! You'd all be asking me what my secrets were!
- An astronomical unit is defined as equivalent to the average distance between the Earth and the Sun, or 93 million miles. But imagine if it were 94.116 million miles. WE'D ALL FREEZE TO DEATH LIKE RULON GARDNER!!!!!
Hopefully these anecdotes help to show the novices amongst us the true impact of Bolt's record sprint. Putting his accomplishments in perspective like this will blow your mind!
High comedy.
Posted by: jackie | August 19, 2009 at 10:24 AM
I'm guessing the 1.024 chick would be someone with a bit of a pooch belly? Or does an extra finger count? Either way, that'd be hot.
Usain is using something, right? Other than weed, I mean.
Posted by: Assman | August 19, 2009 at 12:38 PM
Is he still a douchebag?
Posted by: Vandelay | August 19, 2009 at 12:42 PM
Usain is using something, right? Other than weed, I mean.
Escoveitch fish, plantains, curried goat.
Posted by: Jackie | August 19, 2009 at 01:58 PM
I'm convinced that less than 1.2% of all Olympic athletes are clean. The only guys who aren't juicing are the snowboarders and they're hungover every event which is awesome.
Posted by: Mr. Kruger | August 20, 2009 at 03:00 PM
This guy is crazy...
Posted by: buy drugs online | August 23, 2009 at 11:59 PM