AofG Meathead Challenge: SECRET WEAPON

Yeah. Check out MY guns, bitches! Actually, no guns-related photo today.

But still...the guns will be photographed in all of their splendor quite repeatedly after I maximize the results of my workouts, using my new secret weapon:

THE SHAKE WEIGHT

"But Newman", you might say to no one in particular while on your computer, "isn't the Shake Weight designed for women?"

Yes it is, I would reply. If I, you know, were in the same room. But that's the secret. It will work for my guns, too, right? Women have muscles, too. And while they might not be as big and awesome and capable of picking up things larger than pots full of spaghetti like ours, they do work the same way. And the Shake Weight is going to be the secret that buffs up my arms to the point that, if Casey Hampton tackled me, I could bench press him off.

Features of the Shake Weight:

- Patended motion-shaft technology. The shifting center of gravity really works those arm muscles! Also, the shaft contains "grip-veins", which prevent blisters.

- Felt base. The fuzzy, hairlike base prevents the Shake Weight from damaging the material it sits on when it is not in use.

- Finish fluid. The Shake Weight is capable of storing a small amount of protein-high liquid to be consumed immediately following the workout. After the 6 minutes are up, the Shake Weight will eject the fluid to let you know that it is time to take in some protein.

- Contractable. After using the Shake Weight, it will shrink into a limp version of itself for easy storage.

Klompus, you might as well enjoy the even nature of this competition while you can, because with the Shake Weight...I'm about to blow you away.

Comments

[jackie]

That's fucking hilarious.

[Vandelay]

Love that guy...and of course I mean the Big Snack and not Newman.

I also love that the shake weight isn't a parody. wtf?

Wait...it isn't, right?

[puddy]

That cannot be real.

[Vandelay]

That's gotta be the ugliest cat I've ever seen.