So apparently those Rocket Scientists at NASA erased the Apollo 11 mission footage and now what many people consider the proudest moment in our nation's history will be wiped from the masses if not for...wait for it...wait for it...HOLLYWOOD!!!
You see it's ironic because the ultimate sarcastic joke to refer to retarded people is to call them "Rocket Scientists." Now you have a type of reverse sarcasm because the people who did it really are Rocket Scientists!!! Get it?
Now of course one could reasonably argue that the people in charge of reserving video tape at NASA are not in fact Rocket Scientists, but let's face it...you work for NASA. I don't care if I'm a fucking custodian for NASA, I'm listing my occupation as "Rocket Scientist". As if any other company employed Rocket Scientists, right? Also, if you're keeping score at home "Hollywood" is generally considered to employ the biggest anti-Rocket Scientists in the world. Do you get it now?
Speaking of irony, since the McNair tragedy which I found out about on the 4th of July while standing over this little slice of heaven...I've come to realize that pretty much 80% of the people that I know are incapable of comprehending irony. I'll say this once to my AofG faithful...if a man films a PSA to inform people that suicide is a bad thing and to seek help because you and everyone around you will be affected and then has some roadbeef mistress that ends up going all Benoit on him...THAT IS NOT IRONIC!!!
Quick question after the jump...
I'm pretty much addicted to Scrabble but ironically like 99% of the people I know hate Scrabble. If any of you who are currently my Facebook friends or want to be my Facebook friend for the purpose of allowing me to play more Scrabble would like to oblige, let me know and I'll send you an invite.
Don't worry...you don't have to sit there for hours and play Scrabble with me. You just take a turn whenever you log on to FB and it's your turn (I'm looking at you, Schmoopie).
Ma Ma Se, Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa.
(That's like 87 points if it's in the dictionary.)
Yeah, I'll play Lexulous with you. But only if you find a substitute for "retarded" as an insult in your vocabulary. This eloquent post by Michael Bérubé (a prof who has a teenage son with Down syndrome) offers a great many alternatives that avoid stigmatizing the cognitively impaired.
Posted by: Schmoopie | July 16, 2009 at 11:53 PM
Yeah but the difference is that I would never refer to anybody with Down Syndrome as "retarded." I don't fault people for their afflictions...only for their ignorance.
Send me your FB profile to the blog's e-mail address. Because you were in a movie about crossword puzzles I get 10-1 odds.
Posted by: Vandelay | July 17, 2009 at 12:29 AM
I have never played scrabble, I probably won't, but go ahead and Facebook request me if you like. Watch me spin some game on the 21 year old college ladies.
Yeah...I'm that creepy guy in the corner of the Tits and Ass club watching them dance to that same goddamn Lady GaGa tune over and over and over...
Posted by: Whatley | July 17, 2009 at 08:34 AM
So apparently those Rocket Scientists at NASA erased the Apollo 11 mission
Great, they get a $20 billion budget and still can't afford to hire a freakin' archivist. They should just send all that stuff to the National Archives and let them handle it. Then we only have to worry about the CIA stealing it.
if you're keeping score at home "Hollywood" is generally considered to employ the biggest anti-Rocket Scientists in the world. Do you get it now?
does not compute.
Posted by: Mr. Kruger | July 17, 2009 at 09:10 AM
"As if any other company employed Rocket Scientists, right?"
You never heard of Raytheon? Well, at least you knew who Arturo Gatti was.
Posted by: Jack Klompus | July 17, 2009 at 09:46 AM
does not compute.
Hollywood -> Actors -> Idiots?
I don't know. It was late.
You never heard of Raytheon?
You never heard of sarcasm?
Posted by: Vandelay | July 17, 2009 at 10:36 AM
Come to think of it, it's also ironic because a lot of tinfoil hat wearing mofos think Apollo 11 was a Hollywood product to begin with.
Posted by: Vandelay | July 17, 2009 at 10:54 AM
Vandelay, I will Scrabble you any day of the freaking week.
Posted by: Newman | July 17, 2009 at 10:57 AM
"You never heard of sarcasm?"
Nope. One has to be a real asshole to use sarcasm.
Posted by: Jack Klompus | July 17, 2009 at 11:15 AM
Sweet! You or Gunpowder?
Posted by: Vandelay | July 17, 2009 at 11:19 AM
This eloquent post by Michael Bérubé (a prof who has a teenage son with Down syndrome) offers a great many alternatives that avoid stigmatizing the cognitively impaired.
I don't let guys with multiple accents in their names tell me what I can and can't say. That's just retarded.
Either way, his argument is spurious. He's saying I can insult someone's judgement, but not their capacity. But... when I call a guy a retard, I'm saying "you have no intellectual capacity" not "you made a poor decision." Calling him a "knave" is an entirely different editorial direction. It's my insult; I'll use it as I see fit.
if a man films a PSA to inform people that suicide is a bad thing and to seek help because you and everyone around you will be affected and then has some roadbeef mistress that ends up going all Benoit on him...THAT IS NOT IRONIC!!!
Irony would be if McNair killed himself because he didn't like the way he was treated during the PSA's filming. Keep pushing this point, man.
Posted by: Assman | July 17, 2009 at 12:18 PM
"Irony would be if McNair killed himself because he didn't like the way he was treated during the PSA's filming. Keep pushing this point, man.""
Irony would also be if Michael Bérubé's teenaged son called his dad's post "retarded."
Posted by: Jack Klompus | July 17, 2009 at 12:43 PM
Ha! Yes those would both easily qualify.
Yeah, banning that word from this site would pretty much bring us down to like 2 posts per month.
Posted by: Vandelay | July 17, 2009 at 12:59 PM
We wouldn't even get Assman's one per quarter.
Also, it would single-handedly destroy Festivus.
Posted by: Vandelay | July 17, 2009 at 01:01 PM
How did the spurious use of the word "retard" become demonized when idiot, moron, imbecile, ignoramus, simpleton, etc etc are still held in high standing? I mean is there really THAT much difference between a retard and a moron. I'm assuming they both can tie their shoes of course. Live on the rhetorical flourishes of ReTaRd-Nation.
Posted by: Mr. Kruger | July 17, 2009 at 01:18 PM
I don't let guys with multiple accents in their names tell me what I can and can't say. That's just retarded.
Secondeded.
Posted by: Kenny Bania | July 17, 2009 at 03:32 PM
Vandelay, I will Scrabble you any day of the freaking week.
I am pretty sure scrabble is a euphemism for something here.
Posted by: Jeff | July 17, 2009 at 05:28 PM
Vandelay,
I will scrabble w/you on FB. I've never scrabbled yet in the virtual world, but play a mean game in real life, and would love to know who the heck you are. (Clearly not a KC Royals pitcher, as I had dreamed!)
*for the record* not a vandelay stalker, although this post does sound kinda creepy
Posted by: bethany schumann mcghee | July 17, 2009 at 09:07 PM
Kruger, you didn't read the link, did you? Berube doesn't think you should use those other terms as insults, either. Fifty years ago, some of the words you listed were used by physicians to refer to folks with Down syndrome.
And really, guys? You don't think you're smart enough to come up with ways to criticize things without calling them "retarded"? I think you're smart enough. I mean, douchebag, asshat, dickwad, twit, mouth-breather, troglodyte, ignorant hick—we have a rich vocabulary with room for mocking that doesn't convey the message that "people with lower IQs are worthy of disdain." People who are not functionally retarded but act like they haven't got a brain in their head can (and should!) be mocked, sure, but it's lazy to go the "retarded" route.
I heard that Scrabbling a guy is like teabagging, only with more handsy action.
Posted by: Schmoopie | July 19, 2009 at 12:39 AM
I honestly am not sure I'm smart enough to do that. I can not for the life of me come up with a better word. As sad as it may sound, it's quite possible my second favorite word.
Lets go...send me your FB profile. I promise not to use that word in the game. How about that?
Posted by: Vandelay | July 19, 2009 at 01:23 AM
Kruger, you didn't read the link, did you?
OK, the performance v. capacity argument is intriguing. I always preferred miscreant to retard anyway but I don't know if I'm fully swayed. Retard is a classic.
Posted by: Mr. Kruger | July 19, 2009 at 12:13 PM
You don't think you're smart enough to come up with ways to criticize things without calling them "retarded"?
Nah, it's not a matter of smart v. stupid. It's more like red meat.
By eating red meat, you perpetuate the negative treatment of animals in the mass meat production industry, lead to global warming via bovine flatulence and take hours off the end of your life with every bite. In a sense, you should avoid eating red meat and eat iron supplements like dark greens and vitamins instead. That would be the smart, proper thing to do.
On the other side of the coin, I like steak, I like burgers and quite honestly, I could give a shit if that hurts someone's feelings. I've never claimed to be perfect or hyper-sensitive to the needs of the entire planet. I just believe in the greater good and having a good enough time that life ends up worth living.
So, I could stop using retard and instead insult people using words that they're honestly too retarded to comprehend, or I can keep using retard because I like the cadence of it and don't suffer being berated by the intelligencia well. As Kruger says "retard is a classic." I'll leave progressive perfection to someone that aspires for it.
Posted by: Assman | July 19, 2009 at 01:49 PM
"troglodyte"
Okay unless it's a geek fight, nobody's gonna throw around troglodyte. I can't even imagine how that flies. "Dude, you're such a troglodyte. That's so troglodytic. You fuckin' trog."
Posted by: Jack Klompus | July 20, 2009 at 08:39 AM
...we have a rich vocabulary with room for mocking that doesn't convey the message that "people with lower IQs are worthy of disdain."
But you find nothing wrong with mocking people who can't properly breathe through their noses (mouth-breather) due to some medical malady or based on what region they are from (..hick)?
Sure, my argument is silly and preposterous and taking these terms literally. But then again, so are you with your argument against using retarded as an insult or way to mock someone. Which, if you really wanted to feel superior you should advocate against the mocking of others than trying to make everyone sound pretentious as they do so.
Posted by: Andrea | July 20, 2009 at 10:45 AM
Assman, hon, it's "intelligentsia." C'mon, you know that!
Klompus, "You fuckin' trog" has got legs. Work it! We can make this a standard insult. (Plus: I'm a geek. Geek fights are the only kind I know. "Listen, you asswipe, you probably couldn't even finish a Monday crossword" is a real insult in my circles.
Kruger, check the festivus1223 e-mail account and friend me already so I can kick your weeny ass (and I mean that in the nicest way) at Lexulous.
Posted by: Schmoopie | July 20, 2009 at 08:46 PM
Okay. Just so you know it was the better looking brother that challenged you to...wait...what the fuck is Lexulous?
Posted by: Vandelay | July 20, 2009 at 08:57 PM
I wonder why people needed this falsification?
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