EVIDENCE!!!

Yeah, Air McNair was shot to death by perhaps a jilted 20-year old lover or maybe a friend of the 20-year old chick or maybe even a fucking ninja for all we know right now. And it was crazy. True warriors who just win don't get shot every major holiday, you know. This is not what the founding fathers had in mind when they originally decided to get all independent in this shizz.

But, police recently showed that they are not playing around here with this case and uncovered some very damning evidence against an ex-boyfriend of the 20-year old girl...A RAP SONG WITH KILLING LYRICS IN IT!

Now I don't want to be one to jump to retarded conclusions here, because I have no idea what happened and this Norfleet guy could have killed both McNair and Nicole Kazemi and JonBenét Ramsey for all I know. But how are these "chilling" lyrics "eerily similar to McNair's murder"?

Here are the lyrics:

(Chorus)
"I don’t wanna be like this
I don’t really wanna hurt no feelings
But I’m only being real when I say
Nobody wanna see an old man collapse
And old men have heart attacks
I don’t wanna be responsible for that
So let the s**t go and walk away
You can still have a little bit of dignity"

(Lyrics)
“I would never claim to be no
Benjamin Tebow, an 83-Year old fake Pacino
So how could he run his mouth about me
Knowing nothing about me

I love it when a dumbass doubts me
Until I pull the pistol out proudly
Put the clip in his mouth
Til this motherf***er shouts, ‘please don’t kill’
Have you sippin through a straw for the next 8 months
That’s if you even make it through it alive you dumb f**k

Try to stunt and front and fronting in front of somebody else
Til you're surrounded by 20 people With nobody’s help
IF you try to go incredible hulk it won’t work
Put so many holes in you your nerves won’t even jerk
Lurking in the shadows thinking and scheming of work
Got a little cocky so you decided to flirt
Now you’re flirting with death"

The final verse in the song set to Eminem's "Nail in the Coffin" instrumental track is as follows;

"If you ever do it again b***h I’m not rapping
I’m getting a clip and clapping and I’m not laughing
They’re wrapping you up for your little trip to the morgue
While I’m preparing for my trip to the shore,
Don’t ignore me, I’m not lying, I couldn’t be more honest
If you ever do it again, you’ll die, I promise.”

Uh....huh? Because he said old man? He said he was going to die of a heart attack or something? This is weaksauce, The Internet. Come on. This doesn't prove anything. It's a fucking RAP SONG! It's supposed to talk about killing people! Have any of you people listened to rap in the past 3,000 years?

I imagine we will be arresting DMX for the Black Dahlia murder, Young Jeezy for JFK's assassination, and hell, Eric Clapton for the murder of the Pittsburgh police officers? Jeez. And what the hell would this guy be trying to prove with this song, entitled "Closed Casket"? Does it show the depths of his true love for Kazemi? "I love you bitch, but if you ever cheat on me with a retired NFL QB again I will fucking kill something with a gun"?

Let me show you rap lyrics to which the phrase "eerily similar to McNair's death" would be applicable:

(verse)
Yo mothercocksuckers I don't wanna do this shizz
But I'm gonna have to make this point to this bitch
If you keep running 'round Nashville with Steve McNair
I'm gonna frame a murder-suicide with you and Steve McNair
Then there won't be anymore fucking Steve McNair
Just you lying dead there with Steve McNair
And everyone will think you killed yourself and Steve McNair
I think the Ultimate Warrior's clothing looked like sleeves with hair

(chorus)
Yo bittttttch, if you keep fuckin' old retired NFL QBs that played with the Oilers, Titans and Ravens
I'm gonnnnna motherfuckinnnn killlllll youuuuuuu and him too
But I'll make it look like I didn't do it

(verse 2)
Yo, 4 bullet holes to that number 9 jersey
One to your head, yes, this assassins for dummies book's working
Lay the bodies out on the couch and the floor
30 minutes later, call police to the door
60 minutes later, put some tweets on Twitter
80 minutes later jack off till it blisters
Two hours later put a rap on Myspace
Cause I killed Steve McNair, good luck with that case

Yeah. THAT guy killed Steve McNair. Fuck it...I killed Steve McNair. Did you see that song I just wrote? I fucking did it. Let me write some more lyrics:

I'm teabaggin' sluts, I can't put my balls away
Reminds me of that time I kidnapped Natalee Holloway

Yeah, I know how to handle a cold fifth
Kinda like when I suffocated Anna Nicole Smith

Ask the questions, you know I got the answers
I'm the one that gave Ulysses S. Grant cancer

The hoes are the game, and I know how to play
Until I blatantly injected Eazy-E with AIDS

I'm a baaaaaad man.

Comments

[Assman]

I've got some free time, so I'll add a line:

I killed Air McNair and took the pictures to prove it,
Look at my Flickr account and you can see me do it,
Seriously, just type it in the little search box,
Screen name is SteveAndSahelsKiller, check the album "Murder Rocks",
And you know I did that shit,
I ain't even got PhotoShop.

[Vandelay]

That was awesome. I only have a rap song about how I'm gonna fuck Jeff Fisher's wife while he watches and then light him on fire so I'm clean here.

Yo all you stupid mustached Tennessee red-neck mother-fuckers got sickle cell or something?

Never even grazed the charts, folks.

[Mr. Kruger]

If you keep running 'round Nashville with Steve McNair
I'm gonna frame a murder-suicide with you and Steve McNair
Then there won't be anymore fucking Steve McNair
Just you lying dead there with Steve McNair
And everyone will think you killed yourself and Steve McNair

The best part.

[April]

"80 minutes later jack off till it blisters"

I shot my coffee out of my nose when I got to this line.

Fucking hilarious! Thanks for the laugh today. I needed it.