A few months ago, I was inspired so much by Aaron's Six Pack in Six Months campaign that I decided to put down the whole pizza and 12 pack of Pabst and join a gym. That means nothing really, other than I am proud of the fact that I no longer get winded bending over to tie my shoes and I can run a few miles without the need for a defibrillator and a non-rebreather mask afterward.
It being the July 4th holiday, and me not having any fucking friends or a life, I found myself at said gym doing my thing with the other Guido's with their full gallons of water and cases of Rip Fuel. It was here I was watching ESPN's coverage of what I might call sheer domination of any kind in any competitive event. But comparisons to Tiger Woods and calling him an American Hero? That's a big stretch (pants). The "this is the reason why the rest of the world hates us" take might not be that far off, however.
Mr. Chestnut. Nice job on that three-peat. Way to represent the good ol' US of A and show that Jap fucker what a real man can do! Here's some Gas-X. I imagine your ass will be smelling like South Philly soon.