Alright, so I've been hitting the gym with regularity since the AofG Meathead Challenge began, however, I have seen very little in the way of results. On Tuesday, I was feeling ok. Not great, but not bad. So I got on the ol' bench, put about 275 on the bar, and was just seeing if I could get it up.
Not even f-ing close. I did manage to do 245 twice...wooooo. I'm plateaued. I may have put on most of the weight my frame will carry. But that's not why I'm bowing out of the challenge and conceding.
I'm going to do a cycle of the good stuff. The juice. Some pharmaceuticals. I already have them and should begin within the next week or so.
Now, I've always wanted to do a cycle mainly out of curiosity, but at least I had reason to do it in college. It would have maybe turned me into a Division II level athlete and allowed me to completely dominate D-III! Not really. You'd probably be surprised how many Division III athletes juice, because tests for it are very very very rare and only occur at national championships/playoff games. And the stuff really isn't that expensive (fixed...had cheap originally)...under $150. So I'm going to give this a shot.
And really, steroids aren't that bad for you if you don't overdo it. The government won't say that, but they don't back up their claims with anything of substance. And anytime someone brings up the name "Lyle Alzado", I immediately stop listening to them. So let's get it on, bitches.
I'll chronicle this magical journey with photos once I start, just in case any of you are into male nips.
"And really, steroids aren't that bad for you if you don't overdo it."
The same is true for heroin and carbon monoxide. Hopefully you'll know what "overdoing" is before your boys turn into 2 Sunmaid raisins and your joints into paper mache.
As for my bench press goal, it's just getting back from vacation. 285 was my last max (about 2.5 months ago).
Posted by: Jack Klompus | July 23, 2009 at 11:03 AM
I'm going to do a cycle of the good stuff.
Hey Jimmy Valmer, good luck with that......dumb-ass.
Posted by: Mr. Kruger | July 23, 2009 at 11:52 AM
This is the best development to hit AofG in a minute. When you get in rages, please, don't hold back. Sit down at your keyboard and pound it out. Hell, type in ALL CAPS. I, for one, am looking forward to reading about the slow decline into all-out juicer. Can we come up with a Benoit tag for this?
Posted by: Aaron | July 23, 2009 at 12:42 PM
We could. I'm already making an "Airing of Wholly Uninformed Opinions" tag.
Posted by: Newman | July 23, 2009 at 01:05 PM
I did a cycle of 1AD/4AD before the pro hormones became illegal. I even did what most would consider a low grade 3 week pH cycle as well. I saw huge results after about 10 days. My recovery was through the rough. The biggest problem was joint pain. I was going up and up in weight but decided to stop and was happy with the gains. Not only did I not lose the gains after the cycle, but it just got me to my plateau quickly.
Be happy with 250. Try and get shredded while still lifting 250. Getting all big and jacked is overrated. That shit is for high school kids, early 20 year olds, and guys with really small penises that are also going bald.
Now if you're just set on only doing one cycle. Fuck it. Go for it, but be wary of stretch marks and addiction to size. I got a friend who lost all his gains many many many years ago and has been back to his formal size for some time now. He's got dumb shit stretch marks.
Posted by: Kenny Bania | July 23, 2009 at 01:20 PM
My buddy on an old softball team did a cycle one year. He was basically a line drive singles hitter and never even had warning track power. He hit 24 bombs that year.
He was also a raging douche so I too look forward to this development.
Posted by: Vandelay | July 23, 2009 at 01:32 PM
After more deliberation I'd totally be down to do one cycle after a month of working out regularly again. I've pulled a 180. Do it.
Posted by: Kenny Bania | July 23, 2009 at 01:41 PM
I'm not early 20's but I'm close. I also have some stuff for the recovery period and the other guys that are doing it have each done one cycle before (about two years ago) and have had no adverse effects.
Also, these are kid steroids. A professional athlete would laugh at these.
Posted by: Newman | July 23, 2009 at 02:06 PM
So are you sticking a needle in your ass?
Posted by: Vandelay | July 23, 2009 at 03:50 PM
So are you sticking a needle in your ass?
Best way to do it.
Posted by: Kenny Bania | July 23, 2009 at 04:16 PM
Yeah. Oral steroids and dangerous and a waste of money.
Posted by: Newman | July 23, 2009 at 04:42 PM
Newman! Listen. Ask some women if they think you should try steroids to be able to lift a heavier weight. I'll bet they would all be horrified. I mean, who are you doing it for? To be more attractive to muscly meatheads? You want to bone them? You want them to love and admire you? They won't. They have love only for their own muscles. I can't imagine there is any woman with an IQ over 90 who would give a flying fuck if you can bench over X number of pounds. Well, sure, there are those female bodybuilders. But you're not going to impress them unless you become a total freakazoid.
Posted by: Schmoopie | July 23, 2009 at 06:05 PM
"I can't imagine there is any woman with an IQ over 90 who would give a flying fuck if you can bench over X number of pounds."
I can't imagine a young trog like Newman gives a flying fuck about a woman's IQ. And I'm pretty sure an old retard like Whatley doesn't either. It never makes it onto a single guy's radar. The only reason it makes it onto a married guy's radar is we need to calculate what we can and can't get away with.
Posted by: Jack Klompus | July 23, 2009 at 09:24 PM
I mean, who are you doing it for?
I thought he was doing it to win the Meathead Challenge?
Posted by: Vandelay | July 23, 2009 at 10:16 PM
"Newman! Listen. Ask some women if they think you should try steroids to be able to lift a heavier weight. I'll bet they would all be horrified. I mean, who are you doing it for? To be more attractive to muscly meatheads? You want to bone them? You want them to love and admire you? They won't. They have love only for their own muscles. I can't imagine there is any woman with an IQ over 90 who would give a flying fuck if you can bench over X number of pounds. Well, sure, there are those female bodybuilders. But you're not going to impress them unless you become a total freakazoid."
That's wrong on many different levels. First off, I'm not doing the steroids to lift more weight. I'm doing them to get ripped.
Secondly, I have told a number of women, and most don't care. Some have told me that my cock will shrink, and I have told them that they will make balls shrink (which they will temporarily right at the end), which will only make my cock look bigger. If that was even possible to begin with.
Thirdly, you really don't think women judge dudes on looks? Maybe not in Adviceland, but in the real world I've found that they do. And I'll look a little better. So bring on the juice, I'm thirsty.
I'm not going to get gigantic off of these, or even big. That's misconception number 1 in a whole barrel full of misconceptions about steroids.
Posted by: Newman | July 23, 2009 at 10:24 PM
"So bring on the juice, I'm thirsty."
That should have been the title of this post.
Posted by: Jack Klompus | July 23, 2009 at 11:07 PM
No will you be sticking in your own ass or are you having someone do it for you? My buddy has someone do it for him. Dude was frightening. His thumb was bigger than my wrist.
Posted by: Vandelay | July 23, 2009 at 11:16 PM
No will you be sticking in your own ass or are you having someone do it for you?
Is that an offer?
Posted by: jackie | July 24, 2009 at 02:01 AM
I'll chronicle this magical journey with photos once I start, just in case any of you are into male nips.
Awesome.
Posted by: jackie | July 24, 2009 at 02:11 AM
I will be needling myself.
Posted by: Newman | July 24, 2009 at 09:23 AM
Thirdly, you really don't think women judge dudes on looks? Maybe not in Adviceland, but in the real world I've found that they do. And I'll look a little better. So bring on the juice, I'm thirsty.
Completely true. He's not trying to find a soul mate here. This is bait for fishing attractive poon at the local watering holes. I've had friends that could barely string together sentences to girls at bars take home ample amounts of quality due strictly to their being ripped. Not saying all girls prefer a meat head, but put some dude with a Men's Health (gayest magazine ever) body next to a joe that has better social skills... it's not even a contest. Girls want to marry "joe." In the meantime they do a lot of fucking with the more muscular guys. Thems the breaks.
Posted by: Kenny Bania | July 24, 2009 at 09:50 AM
To be fair, though, that's not the reason or really one of the main reasons I'm doing this. I already have a fairly good build and good social skills. This would just be a little bit of icing on that cake.
Mainly, I'm curious, and why the hell not? You shoot yourself with a needle 8 times and get jacked, have more energy, recover faster, why the hell not?
Posted by: Newman | July 24, 2009 at 11:34 AM
I've fucked a lot of guys, and not one of them would be in that muscle-head category.
But, then again, I'm not one of those girls that goes out looking for a quick fuck in the bathroom of the bar, or what have you. When I was dating, I was dating for permanance, so that might be the difference I s'pose. (I just dated for a looo-hoooong time...hence the lots of guys in the sack dealio.)
I seriously thought this post was a Newman-type joke yesterday. But you're really going to do this, man? That's just...silliness.
Posted by: Faith | July 24, 2009 at 11:34 AM
Quote: Newman
I will be needling myself.
Right after you get finished scrabbling yourself!
Quote: Faith
you're really going to do this, man? That's just...silliness.
I take it you don't approve because you feel he's doing something risky that may be harmful to his health
Quote: Faith
I've fucked a lot of guys
Posted by: Jeff | July 24, 2009 at 12:17 PM
You would have f-ed me, Faith. Just because some chick doesn't go out looking to get herself some of Newman's Own doesn't mean it won't happen.
Really, this stuff isn't that dangerous. I won't turn into some Guido. One cycle of Sustanon just does not do that to you. Two cycles won't, either. Those people stack multiple different varieties of juice together (and not like strawberry and pomegranite), which starts to get a bit dangerous.
Posted by: Newman | July 24, 2009 at 01:36 PM
Plus the likelihood of getting gyno or some other crazy side effect shit from one cycle is about as common as dying from a flu vaccine.
If you do win the "bitch tits" lottery it would be kinda funny.
Posted by: Kenny Bania | July 24, 2009 at 02:06 PM
"You would have f-ed me, Faith. Just because some chick doesn't go out looking to get herself some of Newman's Own doesn't mean it won't happen."
Yeah, you're probly right. BUT I stand behind the fact that it'd be moreso for your randomly off-the-wall sense of humor, and not so much because of your physique. I prefer my men tall and wirey, with a sardonic humor. Like Anthony Bourdainish.
Jeff, if you're saying that screwing a lot of people is as dangerous/unhealthy as taking steroids, then I think we'll have to just disagree on that point. Also: sex ain't silly. Not the way I do it, anyway. ;)
Posted by: Faith | July 24, 2009 at 05:31 PM
1. You've got to do heavy negatives. Just put like 275 or 285 on the bar and have someone spot you and just do the down part with control. 2 sets about 3 times a week and then try for 265 and you should be able to power it.
2. For about 2 weeks just do heavy dumbell bench. Make sure you have the handle parallel to your torso so you hit the triceps really hard. Then go back to bench.
3. Make sure you have some Rollins band or CroMags pumping.
Posted by: david | July 26, 2009 at 02:00 PM
Jeff, if you're saying that screwing a lot of people is as dangerous/unhealthy as taking steroids, then I think we'll have to just disagree on that point.
I'm saying it at least has the potential to be as dangerous or more so.
Also: sex ain't silly. Not the way I do it, anyway. ;)
I'm also saying I feel there is nothing wrong with either activity, if done right. :)
Posted by: Jeff | July 26, 2009 at 04:12 PM