The Klompus Anthology - Book 3: Apocalypto

 

Time to go a little Mel Gibson, what with being on the heels of Chanukah in all.  So down to business.  Down to brass tacks.  Jews.  Let’s be honest -- for better or worse, Jews collectively are pains in the asses.  You just are.  So let’s be completely honest – it’s usually for worse.  The stereotype of you being “conditionally generous,” frugal, underhanded for example – pretty fuckin’ accurate.   Alas, we all have our faults.  That just happens to be some of yours.  That said, I’m not here to get all Aryan Nation Campbell on Jews in general.  Just needed to lay that simple foundation so I don’t need to go back to it.

So the particular Jews I have a lotta problems with this year are Moving Company Jews.  Never heard of them?  Neither had I until this year.  As the story goes, we needed to find a mover as my son decided to come into the world a month early.  Normally I would rent a truck and do it myself with the help of a few friends.  So my wife goes online, requests some quotes. And voila.  We chose the company that seemed most professional and responsive.  A girl with an American sounding name and accent was our “sales rep.”  She seemed totally legit.  We had never hired out a job like this so we had no idea how much it was supposed to cost.  Therefore, we didn’t choose based on price.  Anyway, the day arrives for them to show up and of course they’re 11 hours late.  And the workers that show up are anything but professional or courteous.  These are the slimiest, most unsavory Jews you could imagine.  These aren’t Chinese-food eating, cherubic American Jeremy Piven Jews.  These are straight-up West Bank Israeli Jews – they have girl’s first names and either Ben or shalom hyphenated somewhere in their surnames.  We’re talking hair like Amy Winehouse’s bush, and the stench of cigarettes mixed with 2-day old matzo (or what I would assume that would smell like).  As soon as they loaded my shit on the truck, boom -- price goes up 3 fold.  I protest, but they say if you want your shit back, you gotta pay -- cash.   Either way, I gotta pay.  Basically holding all my possessions hostage.  By the end of it all , the cost wound up being more than $4,000 more than it should have been.  It’s a total scam.  And actually a pretty old one.  FBI estimates some 4,000 people fall victim to this every year between Memorial Day and Labor Day.  You know what else they estimate?  90% of these scams are perpetrated by Israeli-owned moving companies.  So before I go any further, a little Public Service announcement for the good readers of AofG – if you get an online quote from a moving company, look them up on ripoffreport.com, complaintsboard.com, or movingscam.com before you sign up with them.  If you notice they’re based outta Southeast Florida in particular (Hollywood, Hallandale, Hilela, Miami Beach), be especially warned.
So with that, “my Israeli friends”, as you continue to slime and scam the hard-working: May the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob laugh at you as your Muslim enemies anally rape the ever-loving Manishevitz out of you with spiked Qurans.  May you then be placed in a life-sized menorah and burned slowly.  You skinny, hairy, smelly little fags.  You will get yours before it’s all over. That is for certain.  But for now -- In the name Yeshua ha Messhia, Eat. A. Fuckin. Dickstein.

Comments

[Vandelay]

About time. We've been waiting for that since like August.

You skinny, hairy, smelly little fags. You will get yours before it’s all over. That is for certain. But for now -- In the name Yeshua ha Messhia, Eat. A. Fuckin. Dickstein.

I don't see why you feel the need to hold back?

[Newman]

Hialeah? Ain't no Jews in Hialeah. That's the damn hood.

[Jack Klompus]

"Hialeah? Ain't no Jews in Hialeah. That's the damn hood."

Some of their business adresses were in Hialeah. That's also where they get some of their ghetto Jew crew from, I suspect.

[Newman]

Oh man. That would have been the first clue if you had any knowledge of the area. Nothing legit comes out of Hialeah. Unless you want some drugs.

[The Sybian]

In the NYC, good luck getting a moving co. that isn't run by Israelis or worse, Soviet Jews. Only they just supervise the crew of illegal Mexicans and Central Americans. I gotta say, they did a damn good job for $700!

The supervisor was actually dumb enough to tell me that he only hires illegals after I told him I was an attorney with the Dept of Homeland Security.

[Tia]

I gotta grievance with this, Klompus.

First, I'm sorry you experienced piracy and I hope your furniture is free of trauma. Wife and baby are well? Sorry about the money. Though I think I understand why they ripped you off.

What the fuck? It's because they are Jewish that they held your junk for ransom? Your fucking kidding me!

Did I not say fuck all hatemongers, etc, etc? OK, I said screw'em, same diff.

The crooks could have been any nationality/religion. There crookedness supersedes any cultural identity and I would go as far as to say crookedness nullifies culture. There is good and bad in every group and crooks obviously do not follow any considerations for others or the main precepts of propriety that each race and religion generally strive for.

Your thinking is based on a fundamental attributional error that is really fucked up. The movers where not movers, they where pirates. Instead of then calling thief, robber, furniture hostage taker-- you call them Jew?

Nope I still don't fucking get it. I don't want to.

You have made an attempt here to strip an entire culture of it due respect for the actions of very small segment--say the rectum --of it's population. Keep in mind that several very white men just screwed over not just your country, but much of the world markets--Wreck'em, nearly killed'em.! Shall we talk about the dick sitting next to GWB? Shivvers! (We need more shoes, stilettos for this one.)

Google Iceland's economic situation.
FFS!

I hate this kind of thinking, I really fucking do. This may be a day for grievance but hate speech is not grievance, getting robbed is.Having to read hate speech is!

Are we now to think that all Americans are closed minded, racist, xenophobes? Ya piss us off with your ignorance!

As a people if we can't stop this stupid thinking then we may as well break out the stainless steel phallus, that looks booby like at it's top, and let's go watch the light show. Cuz it's thinking like this that will get us all finding out what's on the other side.

Fucking hate mongers! Off to Alaska with the lot of ya. Watch out for flying shoes.

You, Klompus, owe some Jews an apology. Not me.

[Vandelay]

Tia, while your premise is spot on, you have to know Klompus. This is like one of the most tongue in cheek things ever written.

Same guy wrote this.

http://aofg.blogs.com/the_airing_of_grievances/2008/12/how-much-extra-for-a-frosting-swastika.html

While nobody's perfect, cultural and racial insensitivity is pretty much our biggest target of grievance around here.

[Tia]

Well then, I'm just doing my part.

nhf

[Vandelay]

Of course not.

[Jack Klompus]

"The movers where not movers, they where pirates."

For all I know, they were also vampires. Vampirate Jews. That's quite the trifecta.

Tia, do you live in Georgia?

[Tia]

No, Canada... what makes you think Georgia?

That is one freaky trifecta...

So, would a vampire Jew keep kosher?
If he didn't would he falafel?

I'm all curious like this morning.

(See my grievance list under Moore from the North)

[Jack Klompus]

"No, Canada... what makes you think Georgia?"

For example:

I say: "That said, I’m not here to get all Aryan Nation Campbell on Jews in general."
AND
"So the particular Jews I have a lotta problems with this year are Moving Company Jews."

But then you say: "You have made an attempt here to strip an entire culture of it due respect for the actions of very small segment--say the rectum --of it's population."

That's retarded of you, no?

[Tia]

Mea Culpa. Yes, it is some mighty retarded reading on my part.

I still don't know what their being Jewish has to do with it and if your use of Jewish was for comic purposes... Nope I'm sorry but I'm missing the humour. Now maybe if you was Jewish it would have been funnier, but we will never know.

Maybe it's a Canadian thang, since, ya know, we're "all" so tolerant up here.

But you didn't answer, and it's going to bug me all day...

Would your trifecta Jews keep kosher? How would that work, exactly? And if they didn't would they feel awful?

[Jack Klompus]

The being Jewish part of it was not serious per se. It was really more that they were Israeli immigrants. And let's face it, when one specific demographic is responsible for 90% of a specific crime -- it's legitimate to ask: why themowitz? What's stopping immigrants from other countries from grabbing a market share in the moving scam industry? It's such an obvious pattern. The humor, whether funny or not, was tying that into Jewish stereotypes and the bizarre public outbursts exhibited against Jews by people like Gibson.

"Would your trifecta Jews keep kosher?"

Most would not. Since Pirate Jews are already the rectum of the entire culture, they've effectively proven themselves incapable of representing the 3,000 years of beautiful tradition from Moses to Sandy Koufax. So it's doubtful they'll be picky about what kind of gay "blood" they'll be gobbling up.

[April]

I don't know which was funnier, the post or the comments. They were both entertaining.

I'm sorry you got "jewed" out of an extra 4k. Couldn't you have called the police and shown them the original quote and had them give your stuff back? Sorry if that sounded ignorant, but I've never had to hire a moving company before so I don't know how it works.

[Jack Klompus]

"I'm sorry you got "jewed" out of an extra 4k."

Certainly there are greater atrocities in the world, no question. I don't really care about the $$ so much. It's more about the principle and the added stress to an already stressful situation. But even more than that, I was lucky compared to other victims. I at least got most of my stuff and only a few things were broken. Most people get scammed out of cash AND either never see their stuff again or get most of it back destroyed. And finally, many of their victims are also Jews. The parts where I said "God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob" and "Yeshua Ya Meshia" - I plagiarized from a comment left at a consumer complaint site by one of their Jewish victims.

"Couldn't you have called the police and shown them the original quote and had them give your stuff back?"

If it were that simple, there would be no grievance -- because there would be no scam. Police consider it a "civil matter." FBI can't pick one at a time. They need to coordinate a large roundup in order to justify using their resources for it. Likewise, these scumbags have a "bible", if you will, that they follow so they know exactly how to circumvent legal and financial obligations. Trust me, I know more about this whole operation now than I ever could have wanted to. Definitely not the kind of knowledge base that gets someone laid. Aside from that, when they don't have your stuff locked up in a truck -- total pussies. When they arrived, I blocked their truck in my driveway and had a bunch of my friends present to at least match their thug crew members. They were total pussies. They accused me of trying to intimidate them (no kidding). Whined about my wife taking pictures. They accuse victims that submit complaints online of being anti-semites -- even fellow Jews that they scam. Fuck these guys.

[April]

Wow! I can't imagine what I would've done in your situation. Your wife was smart for taking pictures and it was a great idea having your friends there. Like I said before I'm sorry if my question seemed ignorant, but I truly didn't know how it worked. Like you, I've always moved with the help of friends.

You've done a service for the people who read this post, as now we'll be more aware of scamming in the moving industry. Or at least I will. Although I just moved in November and I don't plan on moving again for a long time.

Again, I'm really sorry that that happened to you and your wife. Especially during the new addition to your family. Some people are cold-hearted, douche bag, fuck wads.