The Klompus Anthology- Book 2: The World of Make-Pretend

Time to name a few names from the entertainment industry.  I suppose gays, celebrities, and Jews could overlap in this one.  But here are the tops:

Saturday Night Live – You have the easiest job in the world.  You get paid to make fun of shit.  Why is it so fuckin hard?  All you have to do is be funny.  And yet, you’re among the least funny people on the planet right now.  Who’s idea was it to formulate taking a really bad, painfully unfunny skit and then reprise it week after week?  And how do you not have somebody in your cast that can do a reasonable impression of the president?  How hard was it to find a replacement for Will Ferrell’s George Bush?  Why can’t you find a decent Obama?  Just one person.  Make it their only job, as was the case with Tina Fey coming back as Palin.  Fuckin douchebags.

Brad Pitt – I’m tired of hearing you whine like a little girl with Irritable Bowel Syndrome about the paparazzi.  Yes, they are intrusive.  Yes, they go way too far.  But apparently there’s a market for pictures of your kids.  There’s a market for knowing what you do when you’re not playing make-believe.  It’s crazy, I know.  But people paying all that money to see you pull off yet another “improbable” heist in Oceans 17 is fucked as well.  I guess it gives people a sort of twisted sense of entitlement to know what’s going on in your personal life.  I don’t agree with it.  But that’s just way it works.  If you don’t like it, get a different charmed-as-shit life.  You little bitch.

Miley Cyrus – Seriously, go the fuck away.  And take your creepy, flavor-saver-having incestuous redneck dad with you. Come back in a couple years after you’re done with the whole bulimia, anorexia, and substance abuse thing.  Excuse me while I go buy my daughter a Hannah Montana savings bond for her Hannah Montana super-duper retirement portfolio.

Jonas Brothers—Didn’t we already have Hanson?  Who the fuck are you twits? More importantly, who the fuck are your dickwad parents and have they been sterilized?  Are you teenage vampires?  There’s no way any of you dudes go to an actual school.  Otherwise, you would have suffered enough daily beatings to convince you not to be – well, you.

The Real Housewives– You fuckin gold-digging cock dumpsters.  Nothing else to offer.  Why people watch you, admire you, etc. is a mystery.  Hey everyone look at me, I have money!  I’m beautiful.  I’m a fuckin soulless basket case. In fact, I have no insides. I’m completely hollow.  I’m just a shell of makeup and botox.  Just enough to hang expensive shit on.  But I’m so hollow you could fit 100 cocks inside me.  Wait you drive a nice car, too?  Sure stick it in.  Right here next to these other guys’ dicks.  The more the merrier!

Comments

[Assman]

Re: Saturday Night Live

This isn't completely hilarious?

Re: The Real Housewives

Seeing the Atlanta Housewives made me immediately look up charter schools for my daughters. No way in hell I'm going to let them grow up and be that useless.

[Vandelay]

I can't even begin to tell you how much I hate the Jonas Brothers.

[April]

Miley Cyrus is a talentless future Britney Spears. She cannot sing. The Jonas Brothers all have the whining, get on your nerves type voices, but at least they can play instruments. The future of music scares me with the amount of non-talent there is making it big. Sure, I couldn't do any better, but you don't see me trying to get a record deal. Hey, there's an idea. I can't sing so maybe I should try to make it big.

Speaking of not being able to sing....the wanna be black country singing white bitch on the Atlanta Housewives is a fucking douche bag. All the women on that show, with the exception of the Falcon players wife, are a bunch of arrogant, glorified ghetto hood rats.