Non-Linear FC Get Them Off His Chest

Editor's Note: Bite me, NLFC!!! I want my membership card!

Well, greetings AofG. Long time, first time as the say in Radio Land. This'll be short and sweet:

* A programming note: I'm just going to say black people or blacks, because saying African American 70 times sounds like I'm trying to write a damn term paper. Which I am, clearly, not mentally equipped to do.

People that Deserve to Eat a Poo Sandwich (in two parts)

Part I - White people who voted for Obama and REALLY want black people to know about it.

Look, I live in Washington. Chocolate City, baby! In the days following President-Elect Obama's, er, election the blacks in this city were the happiest they've ever been. Yes, even more so than after the OJ trial. Or after the fairly regular beat down the Cowboys put on the Redskins. (What the fuck is that all about anyways? Fine, a racist Redskins owner was one of the last to integrate. Get over it, people! You've got a black president! Time to get with the G-D program.)

But, as is so often the case with white people, we can't just let black folks be happy. From Elvis to Pat Boone to Vanilla Ice, there's been a steady stream of honkies (I can say that, being possibly the whitest man on the face of the planet) trying to horn in on the good times enjoyed by blacks. I can't tell you how many times over the last 6 weeks that I've seen white people randomly bringing up Obama with a black person, just to try and manufacture some kind of feel good moment. Like the Casper at the Post Office yesterday, buying Obama commemorative stamps. "I am the proudest I've ever been of this country," quoth Whitebread. Dude. Stop. It. Just fucking awkward as fuck. The nice black postal worker just smiled back at him, slightly bemused, slightly "what the fuck ever, Snow."

Look, you can festoon your glow in the dark ass with a hundred "Yes, We Can!" buttons. You can hum the will.i.am song as loud as you want on the Metro. You can paper your car in Obama bumper stickers. Let me clue you in: They see right through you, Whitey! As always, Grey meat, you're trying too damn hard. Stop.

Part II - The fucking asshole that scheduled an early meeting today and didn't post.

Fuck. You. I value my time in the morning with my lovely family. Wait, fuck that... I value my precious sleep. You schedule a meeting that had me drag ass into the office an hour earlier, which in and of itself is fairly egregious. But in one of the most serious office offenses imaginable, you don't even show up?! You stroll in later than your usual late ass strolls in? "Oops, I thought it was supposed to be Friday" is your fucking answer when queried? No apology? Seriously, I can put up with a lot. I'm fairly forgiving and easy to get along with, generally speaking. But, you know, wave to me when I give you the go ahead to cut me off in traffic. Say "Thanks" when I open the door for your. And, say "I'm sorry" when you inconvenience me to that degree. Fucker.

She may not realize the long-term damage she self-inflicted today. That weird gloop you bring in a Tupperware for your lunch? Yeah, consider that fair game for all sorts of random detritus. In vernacular you might understand, "may a thousand camels defecate in your couscous." I hate you very much.

Ok, that feels better. Thanks for your time. I'll hang up and listen to your answer over the air. (wait, that's another thing... You don't "hang up and listen off air," you fucking morons.)

Nonlinear FC

Comments

[Dr. Tim Whatley]

what the fuck ever, Snow.

I'm using this, even if I too, might be the whitest man on earth. I'll save it for when I have a decent tan in the summer and I'm hanging around an albino. Perfect.

[Nonlinear]

Dude. I've been called so many variants of "really really white" I could've gone on like that for... Well, longer...

[Mr. Kruger]

Fine, a racist Redskins owner was one of the last to integrate.

People still remember that? Hey, don't be dissin' my beloved Skins mo'fuck- I won't stand for that ass. It's ironic though, my parents tried to pass me off to their dinner party guests as being part Indian because I don't sport big beardy face. Yet somehow my siblings escaped that genetic anomaly- go figure.

[Vandelay]

Seriously, I have to deal with hair on my back, this fucker doesn't even have to deal with it on his lip.

[April]

As a person living in the Northern VA area right outside of DC, I hear that Dan Snyder is a shitty owner too. I couldn't care less, as I am NOT a Skins fan. Despise them, actually. But the boyfriend is a life long fan and cannot stand what Snyder has done to his team.

I'm white and I want every black person to know I voted for Obama so I can't be called a racist when I tell them that I think O.J. should be fried to a crisp for his crimes. ;)