Moore From the North

I would have posted these consecutively but I was unaware that we had a husband/wife set of grievances. I'm submitting another grievance later over the word "hubbay". Maybe I'm a little indignant over having to code all these hyperlinks. I can happily report they don't share the same e-mail though.

Tia Van Camp is Canadian

It was a bitter SWEET year. I present to you our first Festivus pole as Mr. and Mrs. -- we didn't plan for it; it just happened (If we had thought of it, we would have done it and now we can never get rid of that lamp. I am sick of that lamp) Now, if you would be so kind, allow me to illuminate my grievances.

I wrote something about war that ended with, screw all hatemongers, power junkies and those who steal our precious time. Send them all to Antarctica Let them throw shoes (Canadians find this humourous) at one another such as they deserve. All that changed when hubbAY sent me an email that he had a cigarette, his first in months. Recession hits close to home, but my breadwinner is OK, for now. I have alotta problems with those, who in recent years put there lips to the bubble that blew up in the faces of, well, pretty much every one. You took advantage of your position and the humans you share the freaking planet with greed... Y'assholes. Pretty freaking pathetic, that. And now your corporations are crying to be bailed out. I say bail'em out to Antarctica and let their hot air keep them warm, they know how to blow. May a shoe bash'em in their blow holes!

Big Pharma bph:(On huubAY's list too.) Riddle me this. We have a whole industry that is dedicated to treating our various disease processes, hell they've even marketed few new ones to match pills that always include warnings of either constipation or diarrhea, or both. Wtf? The last bph treatment I used I had to sign a release that I wouldn't sue the company if I developed cancer or any other "life threatening complication" like anaphelaxis, all for the low low price of $3,000.00 per treatment. So why is it that the drugs that can, and do, cause us harm are allowed to be on the market with a blessing, and yet our rights to take vite's and supplements are under threat? bph wants us to take their supplements--can you say patent pending; yaa, bph's already got a good chunk of the population on synthetic this and that, some of which is very good, but let's not forget the wanker enhancers. I suggest that wanker enhancers, which side effects include an inflated sense of prowess, are wee part of the economic blow job we just got in the back seat of failing industr. If your board of directors aren't willing to test these drugs themselves AND experience some explosive diarrhea, they should wait till they have more effective treatments to market. They will have earned their money. And ffs! We need another Banting, actually we need several, and your getting in the way.

Speaking of medicine,
Ignorant Doctors who don't know their ignorance: Having lived with Crohn's disease for over half my life, which is a grievance I would rather not get into, I just gotta say: How the hell can a gastro-fecking-enterologist know just by looking at me that I am "nutritionally valid?" Her valid words, seriously. Can she not see that I've got a fake tan? Can she not see I'm wearing make-up? I weigh 98 pounds and have no body fat and here's the kicker, I'm missing a good chunk of my intestinal tract and because of that I take a drug which, while it effectively slows down my digestion and keeps me out of the can, also impedes my ability to absorb fats and nutrients. Did I say I weigh 98 freaking pounds. Nutritionally freaking valid?? If the gastro's don't get it, who freaking will? Do something useful with the blood you take from me.
,
Canadian Elections: This year I also participated in the Canadian democratic process (Obama. Excellent.) This is an exercise in freaking futility, where by if your in a riding that is strongly one way or the other, or the other, or the other, or possibly another, your vote means nothing, no direct vote for PM, and rien na change. So we vote for nothing. And guess what we get? We get a minority goverment, headed by a self-decptive PM (Read his spin -- confidence my azz), We get a photo-shopped Prime Minister whose office should be divisible by 31,612,897. Parliament is suspended for two month and is as limp as our voting hand. We do, however, get a new word. Prorogue. Wth? Is suspend just a little too high school? Our PM, who doesn't hold enough seats in parliament to have a majority AGAIN gets all pissy, blames the Bloc Quebecois, because, duh, we have no confidence in him and he demanded, like the ______ he is, a prorogue? It's a nice Latin word derived from the word proragere, which means "to ask publicly" only he didn't ask publicly; behind closed doors he asked our one non-elected official, the Queen's representative, our head of state. He did not stand up to our lack of confidence in him. One only wonders what shoes our Governor General was wearing and why she didn't send him to Antartica, she should have the power to do that.

Useless Friends -- UF:(Mathesond's list too) I got married. Mathesond is hubbAY. We model types CAN find men who don't pick their noses This grievance made it onto both our lists, with good reason. Yo, UF -- you really think "your friends teased me a your wedding and you didn't stop them," is a reason to not fix/pay for what you damaged? I, being the handy woman, put my body through three weeks of cleaning, plastering and painting hell (I lost 2 precious pounds) and I still cannot find a freaking cover for our useless ceiling exhaust fan (wth? Made of plastic? For above a stove?). Ya big baby! UF, your a 36 yr. old, 280, lb man needed in need of some spine hardening meds. Then again, that ya live with the folks is a clue to your level of responsabillity. Oh and your parents giving us two pans to replace the one's you wrecked WRAPPED UP AS WEDDING GIFTS, was just priceless! And no, he didn't give us a wedding gift.

People who don't know the difference between pity and compassion. Muse on that for a while.

People who cannot give graciously who cannot receive humbly, who take more than they need, but wont' give the benefit of a doubt to others or to their own sense of superiority; and who cause suffering and want with hate and greed. Y'assholes.

And finally,
The Mom and the Dad: My sweet hubby has already taken the mom to task in A of G's 2006 Festivus celebrations. But since we got married this year, she and the dad deserve another round of I got allotta problems with you people! After some superior mental mind messing of the incestuous kind, the mom did not attend my shower or my wedding. As fiance and I were discussin' the family input, I realized that my only goal with her was no regrets, whether she attended or not. Guess what? No regrets. It was the most special day, we got married, TWICE! We had the wedding of our choice, the guests where gracious and the food fabulous (Ty HubbAY, best wedding food ever!); the weather was perfect and the day went by too fast (o.k., one regret) and I didn't have to worry that the mom and the dick, or his busy wife, would go at each other. As for the dick, I mean the dad, because of him we have our first family phrase: we call it "doing a dick." Defined it means pulling a kindness out of your ass, by giving a back handed compliment in speech form, using the worst metaphor possible --accident waiting for a place to happen was the way I was defined growing up, and it was the one thing I asked him not to talk about--to describe your daughter and son-in-law's fateful meeting and then turning it around in the last sentence, and pulling a kindness out of your ass, by describing our meeting as a "happy accident." Add this to missing rehearsal dinner and screwing up my day by having the booze delivered that morning, it was very dicky of you; that phone call a week later that caused me to end it, during my much needed post-wedding, recovery, with "How dare you?!" pretty much cinches your dickiness for me.

Still, here's my feat of strength, I'm going to take my recovering azz and figure out how to make the love and support my hubbay gives me every day to make my life better for us. And on I goes.

And to quote my hubbay, Mathesond:
Cheers, happy holidays, and may this be the best Festivus ever!

Comments

[mathesond]

For what it's worth, hubbAY and wifAY were inspired by South Park's TimMAY. Does it mean we're retards at heart? Quite possibly, although I'm going for childlike wonder

[Vandelay]

Alright. I'll give it to you.

[Nonlinear]

Ah. I need to re-read, because the hubbAY thing was bugging me. But reading it South Park voce helps a lot.

[Tia]

Exactly!

And aren't you glad I didn't use the other moniker I have for him? Sweet Sexy Successful Smart (cuz he got an audition for Jeopardy) Husband? Personally Ssssh is so perfect I couldn't use it on my post.

[Vandelay]

You Canucks seem like fun. I'd like to hang with you, but not before I hang with that chick that said she's gonna throw-up her own pussy.

[Mr. Kruger]

I love Canadians- they're just us except nicer.

[Mr. Kruger]

Sorry, we had a snow storm and started drinking again.

[H.E. Pennypacker]

Hang out with us in the Great White North, Vandelay. Try the poutine.

[Tia]

Ya know, I could be that girl. I have IBD, I've pretty much thrown up everything, at least TWICE!

Thanks, we love you too. FYI not all of us are nice. Have you met our Prime Minister? If you see him throw a shoe at him, or a bout (boot).

And yes, we are fun, amusing even and we have great beer and hubBAY is one hell of a cook.

Anytime, Vandelay...

The day after the snow storm it sure is purdy!

[April]

I didn't invite my dad to my wedding because he's a dick and I wanted to avoid any conflict between him and my mom. The saddest part of the whole thing is that when I got married, they had been divorced almost 20 years. They hadn't spoken for probably 13 of those 20 and after all that time, he still would've caused problems, on MY day. Yet, he couldn't understand why he didn't get invited. Dumbass!! It sucks that it has to be that way, and I completely feel for you.

My sons father and I are divorced and we're now great friends. It's so much easier that way for everyone, especially our son. The ex-husbands parents are divorced and can't get along either, so we decided that we didn't want to put our child through the same thing we went through. We didn't get along at first, but we worked it out. It's great being grown ups!

[Tia]

I feel like I'm growing down, but it amounts to the same thing. And way to go, the kids will benefit from your efforts and you will too.

My dad's name is dick and the mom is the liz -- no chitting.

Cheers.