If I Can Change... And You Can Change...

Okay, this is my imitation of a couple of American guys watching the Olympics in Beijing...

Guy #1: "This is ridiculous. They're cheating. I mean, they faked the opening ceremony with CGI and a lip-syncing cute girl. How can I trust that they're not cheating with their athletes?"
Guy #2: "Goddamn Chinese."
Guy #1: "Those fucking people have no ethics. Did you know they love what's going on in Darfur, despite the rantings of Don Cheadle? And they eat dog. What's wrong with them?"
Guy #2: "I'm just glad that, for two weeks, I'm allowed to say 'goddamn Chinese' and have it be considered socially acceptable."
Guy #1: "Their air is shit. Their government is shit. Their leaders are shit. Their chow mei fun is cool. Their humorous attempts at translating signs into english are kinda fun. But everything else about them is shit. They think they're hot business because they have all the money and power."
Guy #2: "Goddamn slant-eye Chinese fucks. Me ruv you rong time and shit. God, I love being a racist in public."

Okay... now this is my imitation of a couple of Chinese dudes watching the Olympics...

Guy #1: "This is ridiculous. They're cheating. I mean, they faked the evidence to invade Iraq, openly embraced Milli Vanilli and continue to watch sports where everyone is obviously taking horse steroids. How can I trust that they're not cheating with their athletes here?"
Guy #2: "Goddamn Americans."
Guy #1: "Those fucking people have no ethics. Did you know they love what's going on in East Saint Louis, despite the rantings of Nelly? And they eat Snickers. What's wrong with them?"
Guy #2: "I'm just glad that, for two weeks, I'm allowed to say 'goddamn Americans' and not have my penis removed the secret police."
Guy #1: "Their air is shit. Their government is shit. Their leaders are shit. Their Big Mac's are cool. Their humorous attempts at getting Chinese phrases tattooed on their arms are kinda fun. But everything else about them is shit. They think they're hot business because they have all the money and power."
Guy #2: "Goddamn fat-assed American fucks. Go ahead, make my day and shit. God, I love being a racist in public."

Interpret this as you see fit.

Comments

[Art Vandelay]

Interpret this as you see fit.

China sucks?

Actually, we didn't embrace Milli Vanilli after we found out they were lipsynching but I love how they make no apologies for replacing the girl with crooked teeth. They're all like, "Hey, this is in our best national interest." The stagepiece wasn't even that much cuter.

Anyway, yeah...China sucks.

[Ocho Ocho]

No way those girls on the gymnastics team are all 16 or over. I mean seriously.

[Ocho Ocho]

The Chinese gymnastics team. . .

[rbeshenk]

"i make special wonton soup for you"

[Craig]

Ok, yeah it sucks that the little girl was basically told "Hey, nice voice. Too bad you're too ugly for TV." but I suppose that's not remarkably different than what we tell most women in this country anyway. Well, aside from the nice voice part.

I just don't get why people are getting worked up over the enhancements to the opening ceremonies. It was entertainment right? There was no medal being won or lost, was there? Were we planning on giving Zhang Jimou an Oscar for the opening ceremonies but now we can't?

Did you know they love what's going on in East Saint Louis, despite the rantings of Nelly?

This just killed me.

[SpeakDaTroof]

How about the slap-in-the-face irony of having the Olympics in Bejing in the first place? The ideals the Olympics support are in direct contrast to the blatant human rights violations that continue to plague China today.
This makes as much sense as holding the Humanitarian Awards in downtown Grozny.

[Vandelay]

No way those girls on the gymnastics team are all 16 or over. I mean seriously.

There's no fucking way. None. I think one of them is 9. They haven't even developed a hymen to break yet. Here's what I don't get though. Last night, Bela Karolyi said "It's just unfortunate that they're all under the legal age and shouldn't be allowed to compete." He flat out accused them of blatant cheating. A lot of people have. Why is this not a bigger deal? This is the biggest sporting event in the world. Isn't it easy enough to determine these girls' ages or does the IOC just accept dates of birth scribbled down on a cocktail napkin? Furthermore, where's the outrage from China? You'd think if they were legal, China would be doing everything they can to clear their name, but nothing!

Yes, I'm irrationally obsessed with the Olympics.

[Newman]

Is China putting fetuses out there on the balance beam?

[Vandelay]

Is China putting fetuses out there on the balance beam?

Sperm rags, even.

While we're here, did anyone see where the announcer referred to Johnson and Liukin as "The Batman and Robin of gymnastics...you won't see a better 1-2 punch anywhere."

Since when the fuck did Robin become the standard for the 2-punch?

[phil]

How about the slap-in-the-face irony of having the Olympics in Bejing in the first place? The ideals the Olympics support are in direct contrast to the blatant human rights violations that continue to plague China today.

So, let's once again drag the Olympics into politics. It'll never be held in the US again if you want to go that way. Everyone has a reason why everyone else is evil. Not to say if there is or isn't any truth to it. Just get over it for a couple of weeks.

[jackie]

Have not seen any women's gymnastics. Have any of the announcers pointed out Karolyi's wife's connections to the U.S. team?

[Ocho Ocho]

I think basically. No one wants to call attention to the Chinese and offend them. How can we prove that they are lying. Do we want a kind and loving China or a vengeful China.

Besides they have not even admitted to any pollution yet.

[Assman]

China sucks?

That's actually what I was going for.

Furthermore, where's the outrage from China? You'd think if they were legal, China would be doing everything they can to clear their name, but nothing!

It's equal to the response from the NBA when they're accused of having refs that obviously fix games. "We're guilty, but fuck you for accusing us. Keep giving us money, thank you."

It'll never be held in the US again if you want to go that way. Everyone has a reason why everyone else is evil.

That's the other thing I was going for. But, still... fuck China and fuck France.

[Ocho Ocho]

Another atrocity that is finally getting some light: China'a riding of Yao Ming like a sweatshop wench. Hard to watch.

[Ocho Ocho]

Why doesn't the IOC do an inquiry. I know they are corrupt too. But they love to do inquiries and shit.

http://www.cbc.ca/olympics/gymnastics/story/2008/07/27/olympics-gymnastics-youth.html

[Vandelay]

Why doesn't the IOC do an inquiry. I know they are corrupt too. But they love to do inquiries and shit.

http://www.cbc.ca/olympics/gymnastics/story/2008/07/27/olympics-gymnastics-youth.html

That's exactly what happened too. The US was up 3 tenths of a point after the first round and then they went to the uneven bars and the US was down 1.255 points, mainly because those two girls dominated. Now granted, you don't want to come off as sore losers but these girls have trained their asses off for their entire life for this one moment, they fall short of the gold despite being the defending World Champions, and nobody is gonna file a complaint? This is absurd!

[soupnazi]

I have a good friend that imports chinese junk(!) to the US and sells it to us fools, making a fortune. He says the most difficult part of the equation is keeping the chinese honest. You sign a contract for 1 million cotton q-tips, and after the first 100 or so, they start sending you asbestos versions because they're 1/10th of a cent cheaper. And he says that type of thinking is EVERYWHERE YOU GO in china! yesterdays chicken chow mein is todays rat chow mein, and so on---

[Schmoopie]

Jackie, I believe Bela Karolyi's wife is the US women's gymnastics team's head coach, readily visible in all the televised coverage.

[Ocho Ocho]

It is odd how sheepish we have become. Were the shoe on the other foot, it would be different. I mean look at what Lance Armstrong endured. I am not defending him, just saying that he had to prove his innocence over and over again. Dana Torres too.

[jackie]

I have a good friend that imports chinese junk(!) to the US and sells it to us fools, making a fortune. He says the most difficult part of the equation is keeping the chinese honest. You sign a contract for 1 million cotton q-tips, and after the first 100 or so, they start sending you asbestos versions because they're 1/10th of a cent cheaper. And he says that type of thinking is EVERYWHERE YOU GO in china! yesterdays chicken chow mein is todays rat chow mein, and so on---

You can not make this stuff up.

[Dr. Tim Whatley]

Brilliant Assman. I was laughing the whole time and it wasn't due to the gas I inhale daily.

[Assman]

Actually, we didn't embrace Milli Vanilli after we found out they were lipsynching but I love how they make no apologies for replacing the girl with crooked teeth. They're all like, "Hey, this is in our best national interest."

I can't believe I forgot to address this.

The point I was making was that a.) we don't know that the Chinese people are okay with having faked the opening ceremony. We get a press release to the foreign media. The common man's sentiment is lost to us.

And, conversely, someone who isn't here in the USA might not know that we don't love Milli Vanilli, East Saint Louis or horse steroids. All they know is the story they get, and that'll vary, depending on who's telling it.

It's a very complex allegory, Vandelay.

[Vandelay]

Well, I was referring to the people who were responsible for planting the cute girl, not making a generalization about 1.4 billion people.

I thought it was well-documented and just basic common knowledge that MV's career went into a death spiral after the lip-synching thing came out. Was there a press release in China indicating otherwise?

[Assman]

I thought it was well-documented and just basic common knowledge that MV's career went into a death spiral after the lip-synching thing came out.

And we'll see what happens to the guy that switched out these girls.

Arista Records, by the way, has not gone out of business. If the folks responsible for the switch are still accepted, why would China think we hate Milli Vanilli?

[Vandelay]

They were a global phenomenon that originated in Germany. It doesn't seem even remotely likely that China would hold us responsible for them. Ashlee Simpson perhaps is a beter analogy.

Also, you told me I could interpret this as I see fit.

[schu]

identical post can be found at
http://baconafterdark.blogspot.com/

[Art Vandelay]

Oh my god! Exposed!!! Plagiarizer!!! Ban him now! Ban the Assman!!!

I knew the kid wasn't smart enough to come up with this shit on his own.

[Art Vandelay]

Never mind. This was posted 6 minutes earlier. It looks that Maine guy is the plagiarist. What an douche. Sorry Assman.

[Assman]

How dare he rip off my shit?!

I am going to fucking find that guy and fuck his wife!

Then I'm going to drive his car, maybe go to his job, sit at his desk and eat his donuts. Possibly watch TV with him tonight.

And definitely chastise him for being too lazy to come up with different posts for his multiple websites.

[Maine]

How dare he rip off my shit?!

I'm sorry for being a cunt. It's just that you're the most awesome, dopest dude anybody has ever met and I TOTALLY want to be like you.

Please fuck my wife. You're the best ever. I'm considering giving you a handjob later.

[Jack Klompus]

"identical post can be found at
http://baconafterdark.blogspot.com/"

Raton! Raton!