As you may or may not have heard, those world-renowned "boffins" of Wales have already cured every cancer, immunized their country of every other disease known to man, completely abolished the detrimental effects of global warming on their land, and just last week they managed to split a quark. Now they can finally turn their attention to the important matters... getting the drunks home safely.
After using computer simulations based on the Welsh to mimic the movements of people staggering home after a good night out, researchers came to the staggering realisation that drunk people trip over things.
The article goes on to explain that drunk people can piss off sober people and become targets of violence. It's a huge problem in Wales because according to the article, you go out on the street late at night, a quarter of the pedestrians are so drunk that they are staggering. Besides getting themselves beat up, this staggering can actually impede their progress. They're now figuring out ways to redesign the streets in an attempt to get the inebriated Welshmen to bed as quickly as possible.
I guess until our scientists discover that elusive cure for cancer, we'll just continue to throw our staggering drunks in jail.
I guess until our scientists discover that elusive cure for cancer, we'll just continue to throw our staggering drunks in jail.
Makes no sense.
They're now figuring out ways to redesign the streets in an attempt to get the inebriated Welshmen to bed as quickly as possible.
Drunk-friendly cities- brilliant!
Posted by: Mr. Kruger | July 24, 2008 at 02:19 PM
Some scientists just aren't as ambitious as others.
Posted by: puddy | July 24, 2008 at 04:05 PM
I'll never forget the night I shared a room in a Prague hostel with two Welsh high school teachers who, on their first night in town, discovered that a bottle of wine in a restaurant was the equivalent of two dollars, and returned sometime after midnight, astonishingly drunk. I mean, I've been off-my-ass hammered in my life, but these guys took it to a whole new booze-infused level. God bless these folks.
Posted by: H.E. Pennypacker | July 24, 2008 at 08:07 PM
I was just checking Vandelay.com to see if there were any updates. Carry on!
Posted by: SL22 | July 25, 2008 at 10:55 AM
"...and returned sometime after midnight, astonishingly drunk. I mean, I've been off-my-ass hammered in my life, but these guys took it to a whole new booze-infused level."
Wow. I have to try to imagine that somehow. I thought I've seen the worst.
Posted by: phil | July 25, 2008 at 10:59 AM
I was just checking Vandelay.com to see if there were any updates. Carry on!
Sorry...I've been hanging out over at that blog where the dude lays on the ice like a broad. That dude's deep.
Here's a Jon Mayer grievance I just inadvertently received in an e-mail exhange. It'll have to count for today.
Me: Frankly, the idea of having to listen to 30,000 Massholes singing Sweet Caroline because they think it was written for the Red Sox makes my stomach turn.
Her: Ugh…that would do it for me. Honestly? Pretty much makes me glad that I’m going to miss that. I can’t even listen to the song anymore because I get so annoyed.
What is that with people, anyway? I went to see John Mayer last week, and it seems like every 20- something-bleach blonde-tramp stamp wearing-driving daddy’s Caddy thinks that he’s singing just TO HER. Please…he’s tapping Jennifer Aniston. The boys got it made. What makes you think that he’ll look twice at some 20 yr old back woods hick without a dime in her pocket?
For the record, I do not concur.
Posted by: Art Vandelay | July 25, 2008 at 01:31 PM
Art, the only thing deeper than that guy's thoughts is the depth of his penetration.
And I bet he fucks the hell out of poor chicks.
Posted by: SL22 | July 25, 2008 at 03:16 PM
I'm so fucking proud I could vomit.
Posted by: zumba | July 25, 2008 at 06:57 PM