Chicago Fun

Thursday: Catch the Yankee game at Cellular Field. Act like an obnoxious asshole Yankee fan all night long. Have one about 65-year old dude threaten me with "this ain't New York, this is the South Side of Chicago brutha, so watch it." Then have some little Napolean complexed fat dude hit me with "You're an asshole, you're a real fucking asshole," and make a very fake offer to take it outside. Then had to endure the shame of Joba blowing it, and just about had to be whisked out of the Stadium. Beautiful ball park, very good time, the pulled pork sandwich was fantastic.

Friday: Play a round at Harborside International, links style course, used rentals which were brand new Calloway set, over 50+ mph winds all day, reached the par 5, 560 yard 18th in two. Shot a 55 on the front and a 45 on the back, and was puffing my chest out a bit about that 45. Hardest conditions I've ever played. Oh yeah, shook Franco Harris hand in the lobby (texted Vandelay to tell him so and he simply replied "Fuck You"). Noticed a bunch of big black dudes on the course, one of my buddies asks someone from course if there is an event, person says Walter Payton Invitational and my buddy says: "Is Walter here?" The guy thought my buddy was trying to be funny and was not amused, it had just slipped his mind, however, and he felt awful. Barry Sanders, Bob Hope and Warrick Dunn were among other listed attendees who we did not see.

Go to eat after golf, we have 5:45 game start, park van in zone that says towing after 4, hit Harry Caray's, return at 4:01 and our van is towed. Luckily our gear was in rooms, and two of us cabbed it to game, and other two went to get van out and made it by the start. Played our game, went out Friday night and we almost got into some fisticuffs at some spot English, but the douchebag college kids who were trying to buck up, bitched up once they saw the numbers. It was fun watching their faux tough guy looks quickly turn to "oh-shit-i-think-i-just-pissed-my-pants-looks", however.

Saturday: After getting in at 3:30 a.m., falling asleep at the breakfast buffet at the hotel and having the matre-d or whatever tap me up and hit me with the "is everything ok?" we skated again at noon. We played another game at 4:00 with one of the games against a team from Canada that featured Brian Noonan who was on the Rangers when they won the Cup and Steve Maltais who was the AHL Player of Year in 2003, is the AHL Chicago Wolves all-time leading goal scorer with more than 400 goals, and has had a few cups of coffee in the NHL. We only had 9 skaters and were tied 1-1 at the end of the first, but we just could not keep up and ended up on the short end of an 8-3 drubbing. Those were some cornfed big ass muthafuckas and they were nice. Tape-to-tape, corner-to-corner, top-shelf-to-top-shelf, obscene efficiency. Dinner at some awesome Cajun spot called Heaven on Seven, headed back out to the streets until the wee, got in at about 3:00 a.m. Also saw some Pacman Jones lookin' brutha in a white blazer openly walking lady of the night, after lady of the night, through the hotel lobby. Rather bizarre scene.

Sunday: Played again early morning -- at 7-friggin-40 a.m. I don't remember much other than my groin felt like someone was constantly poking it with red hot stick and endured one of the more embarassing losses in my athletic career. Let's just leave it at that. By the way, I am the only one that thought humans had two groins? A buddy clowned me to death the other day over that one.

All in all, fantastic time -- we also had a quick bite at some mom and pop spot called the Palace Grille, which was maybe the most entertaining place I've ever had a burger in my life. The owner came over and serenaded us with Little Johny style jokes that were hilarious and then sent his very attractive daughter (who works there too) to hit us up with a few more. Personality, realness, just old-school style truly enjoyable place to be. We hooked them up with a Mega-Tip.

Chicago is a good town.

Comments

[Jack Klompus]

"in my athletic career."

Gold.

[Schmoopie]

Glad you enjoyed my town. Me, I like the catfish poboy at Heaven on Seven—so named because the original location was a small 7th-floor coffee shop in an old office building downtown. Eventually they changed the name after the Cajun food became a fixture there. That location's only open weekdays during the day and, like, one Saturday a month. My doctor's office used to be in that building so I could pick up some gumbo and bread pudding for my husband, but then the doctor moved, dammit.

[Jackie]

The gumbo was awesome, Schmoopie. Also had on of those 22 ounce Cajun Ice Tea's which got the night started off right. The baby back ribs were outstanding as well.

And hey Klompus, although we lost in the bronze medal game, I do appreciate the props. You are a good man.

[Jack Klompus]

"And hey Klompus, although we lost in the bronze medal game, I do appreciate the props. You are a good man."

Well at least you're still keeping the dream alive for yourself. I'm sitting around waiting for my son to crawl out of the womb in July so I can begin living vicariously through him. However, karmic odds lean heavily towards him becoming an avid cyclist.

[DFS]

I always found chi town to be a cool place (except for the weather) and I would have trouble staying slim there. Its basically the south when it comes to food